I'm pregnant

I wasn't sure I was going to talk about this on my blog, but I figured I am a pretty open book, and those that know me know I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to intimate details. If I didn't share these things with friends, or write about them, there would be a huge part of my life that I would be leaving out. I know it makes some people uncomfortable to talk about pregnancy loss, but again, with me it's a bit of a package.

So last Wednesday I started spotting and figured my period had arrived. Which threw me into a bit of a fit because Kevin is out of town for the next 3 weeks and knew that I would have zero chance of getting pregnant next month. Which puts us into the holidays, and a Christmas baby, yada-yada.

Anyway, on Thursday I noticed that it didn't really develop into a period and was instead just spotting. So on Friday morning I took a pregnancy test and lo and behold there were two dark lines, clear as day. But I was still bleeding pretty heavily so unfortunately I didn't even have that brief moment of happiness and excitement about those two lines. Instead I had dread. Was this another ectopic? A miscarriage?

I called the doc office and they sent me in for lab work. If my progesterone was lower than 5, we were looking at ectopic #2. Other options were a chemical pregnancy, miscarriage and a normal pregnancy with implantation bleeding. So I had 4 options at that point.

Results of my labwork were progesterone was 14.7 and BHCG was 57. That eliminated ectopic which was a huge weight off my back. I had to wait until Sunday to see about my other 3 options. If my BHCG numbers doubled I would be looking ok.

Lo and behold my numbers on Sunday triped at 191. In fact more than tripled. So we've now eliminated the chemical pregnancy. That only leaves two options, but at least for now, it looks like it's LEANING towards implantation bleeding.

I have had all sorts of cramping, twingy pains and still some spotting. All of which, in addition to my past, have led me to the pessimistic thought that this isn't a viable pregnancy. But it's hard not to get up some hope and think slightly positive. It's such a fine line. I don't want to jinx anything with negative thinking, but having been through 3 other failed pregnancies where I was thrilled and only thinking positively, and it's hard not to protect yourself a little bit.

I guess I'll leave with ONE positive thought for the day. My estimated due date would be September 24, which is right near Kevin's birthday. It's also one of my favorite times of year in Colorado. :)