Because we're girls....

There are lots of things to love about Delaney these days. We went through a hard patch for a few months after little G was born, but it seems like she is hitting her rhythm now as a big sister. And I'm getting more sleep and consequently have more energy to dedicate to the whirling dervish. But one thing I particularly like these days is that she is finding a bond between us due to the fact that we're girls.

She exclaims multiple times a day that we are both in fact, girls. If I reach out to take her hand I'll say "come on, grab my hand" and she'll exclaim "because we're girls!" If I ask her who she wants to read her a bedtime story she'll say "I want mommy to do it..... because we're girls!" And if I put her in the car to run an errand she'll sit in her seat and say "Mommy we're girls".

My reply is usually "that's right Delaney, we're girls. Really cool girls."

I remember first finding out that we were going to have a girl and having a twinge of disappointment. I had always wanted a boy. And knowing first hand how hard the teenage years are for girls I shuddered at the thought of her struggling to fit in, having self esteem issues, weight concerns, promiscuity, you name it. I was terrified knowing she would undoubtedly reject me for a few years, rebel and date guys (or who knows... maybe even girls!) that weren't good for her, and do things in experimentation that would help her figure out who she wanted to be. I made it through all of those things, but some days I'm not really sure how I did given my crazy freshman and sophomore years of high school.

But now I couldn't be more happy that I have a girl and can help guide her through that mess. I consider it one of my most formidable tasks in life... to use whatever I learned (and my mom learned) and be as supportive as possible. And hopefully we will make it through to the other side where I will have a best friend for life. Similar to my relationship to my mom. My mom is still the first person I call when something good or bad happens. The person I look to for that extra support and buoyancy. And it dawns on me that the best thing I can do for her is to be the best person I can be and hopefully some of it will rub off through osmosis.

Someone told me that having girls is great because they will never really leave you even when they get married. Boys have a tendency to "leave" more, especially their relationships with their mothers. But not girls. Somehow the relationships between mothers and daughters seem to be a different kind of closeness. I look forward to when Delaney grows up and I can possibly have someone to share passions like cooking, reading, culture, sports, athletic endeavors and more. I'd like to help her become strong and confident. Athletic yet feminine. Loyal and committed. Self-centered yet giving. But really, I want to help her become whoever she wants to be. I want to help her be THAT.

It appears that right now the pendulum has swung towards me in Delaney's eyes. She still loves her Daddy uncontrollably but for the last few weeks has been relishing in finding time for just the two of us. And I'm enjoying it quite a bit as well. Maybe it's because.... well... we're girls.

Winds

One of my largest pet peeves about the Colorado winter is the winds. It's hard to describe just how strong, loud and powerful these winds are unless you live in them. I find that if the weather is warm in winter, it means really strong winds. If it's cold, it's either still or snowing. Have I mentioned I dislike the weather here in the winter?!?

Last night upon our return from California we were greeted to howling winds. Which soon became shrieking winds. Which then became hurricane force winds.

So powerful it blew our freakin' fence down. I am so mad at the winds right now I want to go smack them down. Who was the wind god again? I just looked it up... turns out there are gods for the winds from all directions. But I'm not sure if the "east wind" god means that he blows from the east or to the east. If it's to the east, it looks like Eurus, the god of the east winds, is our man. Why, o why, are you going to cost us hundreds of dollars in a new cedar fence, Mr. Eurus?!?!

Product review, Cooshee booster seat

I thought it might be useful to some (especially those with young kids or at least younger than ours) if I posted reviews of the products that I have found particularly useful.

Delaney stopped using her high chair around 10 months old. It seemed that she was happier feeling like she was more involved in the table dynamics and frankly, we hated cleaning that darn high chair.

So we moved up to a booster seat, one I purchased during a trip to Target. It was plastic and not quite tall enough for Delaney to sit at the table so we had to prop it up with a few towels underneath. The towels served a double function as we also didn't want the plastic chair scratching our wood chair. I could not stand this particular booster as it was impossible to clean and had a bunch of other flaws. A friend of mine suggested a seat called the Cooshee and I checked it out.



I had to make a special trip to Babys R Us to purchase it because they don't sell this chair in any of our local Targets. There are a few great things about this chair.

The first is that it's a "foam" like material that doesn't scratch our chair. Not only does it not scratch the chair, it naturally grips onto a wood chair and thus we have to worry less about safety and strapping the plastic to the wood chair. Delaney has wanted to climb up onto her chair by herself for some time and this gave us a little peace of mind that the high chair part wasn't going to slip while she was entering or exiting. That being said you would only be able to use this chair once your child is not at risk for falling onto the floor. I'm guessing at least a year old would be the minimum but probably more like a year and a half. Even when your child can sit up by themselves they still risk toppling over when they bend over to look at that interesting bit of food they just spilled on the floor.

The second is that it's so easy to clean. There are no little creases and crevices for food to get lodged. Just an easy swipe and it's clean.

The third is that it's really portable. Often times we go have dinner at our neighbors house and we just lift up the seat and off we go. No undoing and redoing straps.

I highly recommend purchasing this booster if you have wood chairs. It is completely worth the money.

Jeeky Deeky

As mentioned in my recent list of Delaney's favorite things, she has become incredibly fond of a little stuffed lamb named Jeeky Deeky.


There are a few significant things about Jeeky.

First of which is that she calls him a polar bear when he really is a baby sheep. We kept trying to correct her on this when she first became acquainted but it really didn't seem to matter to her. She saw a polar bear in him and we just rolled with it.

The second and most significant thing in regards to Jeeky is that after a few weeks of calling him "polar bear", Delaney gave him A NAME. I have always chuckled and admired the way that Delaney takes life literally. For months and months she has become friends with inanimate objects around the house and has provided each one with a very literal name.

Here is one of her favorite dolls...

named Baby Boy.

And here is one of her favorite dolls...

named Baby Girl.

This is one of her favorite stuffed toys...

you guessed it, named Koala.

I can post pics of a lot of other items around here that also have incredibly literal names. We have "dolphin" and "ducky" and "elephant".


There is even a blanket named "soft blanky". Her pretend sister is named "sister". The list goes on and on...

And so we were not surprised when she found this little lamb (which was resurrected for Garrett) and had named him "Polar Bear". But for some reason after a few weeks she started to call him Jeeky. I thought it would pass but she continued to call him this random name, and then a week later she added a last name of Deeky. How she came up with these names I have no idea. But they have stuck.

Jeeky has been allowed to go with her in the car (but he doesn't get to leave the car on errands) and as a result of this and the fact that she likes to wipe her nose on him, he has become a wonderful shade of grey. She has slept with him every night and likes to put him under her dinner table chair so that she can still be close with him while eating. If she is helping out mom and dad in some way it's common for Jeeky to take a turn as well. Jeeky has brought Garrett his binky, put away toys and had lots of sips from her sippy cup. He really is a pretty active member of the household.

Oddly I feel much more attachment to him because he has been named. It's like he's a part of the family, he almost deserves our last name at the end of Jeeky Deeky. Welcome to the family little fella.

Goals for 2009

It's that time of year to start thinking about what I want out of 2009. I looked at my list from 2008 and I'm ashamed to admit I was barely batting .500 out of my list of 10.

So here goes.

1. Finish school. This one seems pretty achievable.
2. Leave work behind.
3. Get to the bay area to see family and friends (and hopefully see Lisa, Molly and maybe Katie this year).
4. Swim more (this was number 1 on 2008's list and I failed miserably).
5. Shed the extra poundage I was so good about packing on in 2008.
6. Connect regularly with Kevin and make sure we continue to talk to each other, despite the swirling kid chaos that makes this very difficult.
7. Have more friends over for dinner.
8. Read at least 8 books.
9. Run a strong Bolder Boulder.
10. GO SIMPLE, as in, stop spending money, eat local and organic, get by on less, get rid of a lot of the stuff in our basement and garage, waste less groceries, conserve more energy, recycle everything that I can, simplify processes wherever possible and STREAMLINE my life.

(11. Possibly run the Marine Corps Marathon in November.)
(12. Be a witness and engaged participant in my two children's lives. They are what make me want to do 1-10.)

Delaney's favorite things

A few of my friends have sent me emails recently saying how they read my blog regularly and how they love feeling like they still hear from me on a regular basis even if we don't talk. Which is great and I definitely write entries here with the sole purpose of keeping friends and family updated on our life. But the REAL reason I started this blog was to force myself to write things down and journal my children's lives more. Plus I enjoy writing so I figured it might be good for the soul as well.

I found myself going back to last years posts to see what I wrote and was pleasantly reminded of things that I had already forgotten about. So this blog is succeeding in that way, which is a nice relief.

In that spirit, I am going to write about Delaney's favorite things right now because those seems to change on a weekly basis.

1. Lightweight clothing. For the last 6 months or so Delaney has strongly resisted wearing anything that resembles warm clothing.... long pants, long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts and jackets. We have managed to get her dressed for fall and winter, only after serious hard work, but when she comes home from school the first thing she does is beeline to her room so she can change into a short sleeve shirt and a skirt. We had to remove the shorts from her room so they weren't even an option. Two days ago she changed into a short sleeve shirt, the underpanties that come under a skirt and her Keens. I wish I had a picture of it because it was really quite a sight.

2. Changing clothes. Delaney also likes to change her clothes about 3 times a day. School days she only changes once but the average for days where we are home is 3. Our rule is that she can change the clothes but she can't ask us for help in doing so because we don't support that many clothing changes. A nice side effect to this policy is that she has learned to get dressed by herself very well. I have also stopped washing a lot of her clothes that she wears for only a part of the day. Who cares if there is a little stain on a sleeve?

3. Jeeky Deeky. I am actually going to do a separate post about this little stuffed lamb because it deserves it's own post, but I need to list him here because there are not too many moments of her current days that she has spent without this little fella. And it's the first stuffed toy that she has actually NAMED. Jeeky has been a constant friend and companion for Delaney for at least a month.

4. Balls and activities around balls. Delaney has taken to playing catch inside with any one of her many balls, and also asks to bring balls when we go to the park. She is getting very good at catching and also kicking balls. We play a game where we see how many times we can throw back and forth to each other without one of us dropping it.

5. Games. I went on game purchasing bender a while back and bought a slough of new learning games for the bug. We are now the proud owners of Old Maid, Go Fish, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, the Memory Game, Coocoo the Rocking Clown and Zimbbos to name a few. Her favorite is the Memory Game and she is VERY good at this game, arguably better than Kevin or I.

6. Playing pretend. I think it's wonderful that Delaney's imagination has started to grow and you can see it best when she puts on her pretend hat. Delaney has a pretend sister and now a pretend husband. She eats pretend food and has pretend conversations. She likes to make up stories and at night likes to have her ears filled with made up stories by Kevin and I. She has not been very good at playing by herself but recently I have noticed that she plays by herself best when she is doing some kind of pretend activity like baking, cooking, eating, etc.

7. Park/pool/bouncy house. She loves going to any one of these places and regularly asks to do so.

8. Her buddy Jasper. Jasper has been in great favor at school for some time and she has been thoroughly enjoying a close friendship with him. She also likes and talks a lot about Maddy, Boden, Spencer, Finley and Jeanie Bean. But no one quite compares to Jasper.

9. Chasing/hiding/being scared. She absolutely relishes in someone chasing her around an item (island in the kitchen, table, etc) and loves it best when you reverse your direction and scare her by coming right at her. She "sort of" gets hide and seek, although it's pretty darn cute when she hides and when you say aloud "hmmm, I wonder where Delaney is?" and you hear her say "mommy I'm hiding over here!".

10. Running. Delaney loves to run. She likes to race other people and does this hilarious little starting pose where she says "ready, set go!" and then takes off. She does it in grocery stores, on errands, in the house, at the park or wherever the mood strikes.

11. Mina. Her "mina" blanket (aka her lovey) has been a constant companion since she was 6 months old. She has slept with it every night for the last two years. When she gets upset she frantically looks for mina's comforting arms and promptly sticks her thumb in her mouth. We have 3 mina blankets and she doesn't seem to mind that we switch them out on her (she knows the differences between them). I think mina will be in her life for a very, very long time.

12. Sesame Street. Given that I knew Delaney would be spending more time at home after Garrett was born I bought a whole bunch of movies to try and spice up the variety of what she watches on TV. I bought Happy Feet, Nemo, Sleeping Beauty, Kung Fu Panda, 101 Dalmations and a few others. But they only succeed in capturing her attention for about 10 minutes. Sesame Street is still her favorite, and Elmo's World is her favorite within the show. She will actually sit through a full one-hour episode of the Street. I will admit that I let her watch a whole episode on the days where we are all at home. It helps start our day off happy and I watched it as a kid so it can't be too bad, right??!

13. Rough-housing with dad. We have an adventure seeker on our hands who likes to be spun, flipped and thrown by her dad. As soon as you do something like that to her she immediately asks "do it again!".

Those are the big ones. It felt good to write them down because I realize there are a lot of fun things about Delaney right now in her life. Writing down what makes her happy is a nice way to remind myself of how great my little daughter is, even though I am challenged and tested by her every day.

Bug, here's to you, and your unmatched zest for life.

Expectations

A number of people have inquired about the difficulty of our "two young children" household and how it compares to my expectations. So, for example, what things have been harder or easier than expected. I haven't quite figured out all of those answers and I have no doubt that the answers will change a lot over the next year.

Keep in mind that there are a number of things not on this list that I had thought would be very difficult, like, Delaney's tantrums, cries for attention, breastfeeding Garrett, finding time to get out and exercise, finding time to connect with my husband, and more.

But for starters....

HARDER THAN EXPECTED: At first it was the lack of sleep. I remembered it from the first time and for some crazy reason I think the lack of sleep was harder this time. I felt overwhelmed by the lack of sleep on Day 2 of Garrett's life and for whatever reason I don't remember it hitting that quickly with Delaney. Maybe I was able to do more daytime sleeping the first time around? Maybe I actually got less of it this time around? Or maybe as I get older the toll of no sleep is harder on me? So sleep is the first one.

The second was just how annoyed and frustrated I was with Delaney in those first few weeks. It's improved immensely since then but those first few weeks I couldn't stand to be around this crazy storm of energy and tantrums. Her neediness really annoyed me to the point where I wanted to move somewhere else so I wouldn't have to hear her complaining. The other side effect of that was how hard it would be to switch energies between the two children. On the one hand here was this adorable tiny little creature that just needed to be held and fed. The energy needed for that was completely different than the energy required to be around Delaney and keep her occupied. Thank goodness for Kevin and my mom in those first weeks because they really did an amazing job of keeping up with her energy while I was able to get into a zen rhythm with Garrett.

And, most recently, I would say what constantly challenges me with being difficult is keeping the house together on the days where I have two of them. It seems nearly impossible to do it some days and I have had to really lower my expectations of myself on those days.

And lastly, what is really hard is going out places with both and how it takes me forever to recover from doing that. Being out isn't that hard but it's the recovery process that seems to overwhelm me. Often when we come home I am frantically occupied with getting everyone and everything out of the car. It seems to take a long time to get them both situated in the house, take off coats and shoes, wash our hands, put away diaper bags, coats, sippies, snacks and whatever it is we may have purchased while out (groceries are really hard), catch up with feeding Garrett, and more. We did a big grocery store trip once and I swear it took me 3 hours to feel like there was no evidence that we had made that trip.


EASIER THAN EXPECTED: I think the most obvious one is just how EASY Garrett is when it's just he and I. Our solo days are like this picture perfect day of relaxation. We don't have a schedule and we both do great just rolling with the "free form" nature of our days. I am not the least bit stressed or unsatisfied with those days. Since I didn't have those with Delaney I guess now I understand just how EASY little newborns can be and how much fun it is take care of one.

That's all for now, I'm sure I'll have more soon.

Funny snippets

A few funny conversation snippets that have been heard around our house lately.

Delaney: Yesterday I went to the jump up.
Mom: Really? What's the jump up?
Delaney: It's the place where I went.
Mom: Who did you go with?
Delaney: My sister.
Mom: Oh, you went with your sister. That explains it.
Delaney: And my husband.
Mom: (laughs). Your husband?
Delaney: Yeah! My husband likes the jump up.
Mom: What's your husbands name.
Delaney: I need to think about it.
Mom: Well, yeah, you better think about what your husbands name is.
Delaney: It's Thomas.
Dad: That's a good, solid name for a husband.

At school she apparently had this conversation:
Delaney: Melinda, can you come over to my house next week?
Melinda: Well, actually, I am coming over to babysit you next week.
Delaney: We can have dinner, and play games, and then you can spend the night!
Melinda: Well, I don't think I'm going to spend the night.
Delaney: No, you can, there's TOTALLY room for you in mom and dad's bed.

And, in regards to potty training.
Mom: Delaney when the heck are you going to start going in the potty (as I wipe a nasty nasty poop off her bottom).
Delaney: In 15 minutes!
Mom: 15 minutes!? Wow, that's fast.
Delaney: No, maybe tomorrow.
Mom: Yeah, tomorrow seems more realistic.

And I heard her singing in the bathroom yesterday a mixture of all the holiday songs and stories she's been hearing lately. It was like a jazz, poetry, and spoken word reading but in a toddler sing song voice.
Delaney: Hanukkah lights, Hanukkah lights, twinkle, twinkle, Jesus' birthday, angels singing, bethlehem, hanukkah lights, hanukkah lights, jesus was born, hanukkah lights, hanukkah lights.

Mish mash

This morning I woke up at it was -3 degrees outside. Yesterday it did not get any warmer than 25 degrees. I watched the weather this morning only to be dismayed at the prospect that it is not supposed to be any warmer than 35 degrees for the next 6 days. Mark it, note it, kick it off. This will be my first post in what I can only guess will be a bunch of posts about the cold weather and it's toll on my California bones. Brrr.. I am looking forward to spending 6 days in California next week.

I think I have my third case of mastitis, which is mighty unfortunate (the first two were with Delaney). I called the doc this morning and they are going to call in a prescription for me today. I woke up at 2am chilled to the bone and a high fever and have other symptoms that would be boring for most people, even other women who have breastfed. I guess I am just prone to this annoying infection.

We had a great weekend and on Saturday night I got to have a night out with friends without any children. It was our annual book club party, which is very similar to our book club meetings only this time husbands can attend. And there is a hilarious white elephant gift exchange which always brings much cheer. The only bummer was that we happened to come home with two stinker gifts... "Cleveland in a Box" board game and a Paper Voodoo kit. Even though I still had to scurry home in the middle of the party to feed Garrett and put him down I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 hours away WITHOUT any spit up on me.

Which brings me to spit up... I feel like I live in a world of spit up. I get spit up on about 5 times a day. Sometimes it's just a dribble and other times it's a half cup full. Sometimes it's on my shirt, sometimes on my pants, and my favorite is in my hair. Our son spits up a lot. Apparently most newbies grow out of this between 7-9 months. Bummer. That's 4-6 more months of doing umpteen loads of laundry because he and I are both changing our clothes at least once a day. Delaney was not a spitter upper and instead the bigger deal with her was diaper blowouts. Believe it or not we have only had about 3 blowouts with Garrett in his first 3 months. I vaguely remember having blowouts with D about every two days. I guess if it's not one orifice exploding fluids it's the other.

Garrett is doing great otherwise and most nights he is doing very well with his sleep. We regressed a while back and he still has his nights of waking twice, but by and large he only awakes once to feed. Last night I had to get out a warm compress and also do some pumping so I had to turn a small light on. Normally I keep it as quiet and dark as possible for our nighttime feeds. But given that there was a light on once he finished feeding he decided it was cooing social hour. He was smiling, cooing, gooing and generally having a party in his room at 3:30am. Even though I was tired, feverish and achy from the mastitis it was hard not to enjoy his playfulness for a few minutes. I know I get annoyed about the newborn sleeplessness but I did realize that pretty soon these moments will be gone. He seems so unbearably sweet at this time in his life. Contrast this to my willful toddler and I am reminding myself to enjoy this time with my precious little newbie.

Some things that I love about Garrett... I love that he will now pretty much smile on command. And I love that he has little to no control over his limbs. He moves his arms up and down with wild abandon and clearly has no control over where they are going. You can tell he wants to move them somewhere intentional but he can't muster the coordination just yet. It seems to me it's the ultimate little newborn move. He wants something or feels excitement and the only thing he can do is move his arms up and down in excitement. I've even seen him whack himself in the face unintentionally. Same with his legs...kick kick kick. I put him on the couch and just watch the little guy get his exercise. It's ridiculously cute.

He has also started to find his hand and fingers for sucking enjoyment. He sucks so loudly on them that you can hear it from the next room. My guess is that he will become a thumb sucker just like his sister but I suppose only time will tell.

I have started using consequences with Delaney and it seems to be working quite well. Since time outs work only moderately effectively for Delaney a few friends started suggesting removing items of hers that are important (but not too important, like a lovey). I have had to threaten twice to take a privilege away only to have her buck up and start listening. It seems to be working for now which is nice.

This week we have Kevin's Christmas party on Wednesday night and a holiday part at our friends brewery on Thursday. Then Saturday night is Lara's annual birthday fiesta at Sushi Zanmia. So we have THREE nights out scheduled this week. Look out... it's almost like we're entering the world of adulthood again.

To spank or not to spank

What a provocative post title, I wonder if I will get listed in Google for people searching about naughty spanking thoughts.

We are currently in the throws of Delaney and her wild and often cantankerous behavior. I have posted here often about how she is constantly testing the limits and pushing a lot of buttons. I feel like we've been at a high crescendo of this kind of behavior for some time now... like... about a year. She goes in waves and some days are mostly good and some days are mostly bad. Some months are better than others. Some hours are better than others. She has perfected the ability to be ridiculously cute one minute only to turn into the whiniest, most annoying toddler the very next minute.

Yesterday she was on point with this behavior in the afternoon when I needed her to get ready to go to the store to pick up a few items. We were going to walk to the local market and it was the only thing I really needed to get done yesterday. We had a good focused morning of play and making cookies and I just needed her to cooperate for about 20 minutes. She refused to wear a sweatshirt (it was 35 degrees outside) and when I forced her to pick one (out of two choices) and I put it on her she defiantly took it off and stomped around the house. "I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear that sweatshirt, I want to wear the PIIIIIIIINK one". Ok, Delaney, this is your last chance, I'll put the pink one on and then we're going to leave. Then I put the pink one on her even though I asked her to put it on herself about 4 times. One she got it on the melee continued. "Nooooooooooooooooooo I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear the pink one, I want to wear the purple one" and she defiantly takes the sweatshirt off. Then we went through the same thing with her boots. I would put them on and she would take them off. Now, I could see how you might just say "let her freeze and go without the clothes". But a big part of me feels like she really needs to learn that some things ARE NOT a choice. I felt like wearing some kind of sweatshirt was mandatory. We went back and forth trying to get her dressed for about 25 minutes. Meanwhile I'm trying to get dressed, Garrett is fussing in his bucket seat and daylight hours were ticking away. It was maddening to the point where I could see how you get to a place where using some sort of physical communication might be deemed as effective. Words clearly do not always get through or have any kind of effect.

So Kevin and I got in a discussion about spanking as a form of discipline. I know plenty of families who have chosen to spank their kids and both Kevin and I were spanked as children. I was only spanked a handful of times for doing absolutely terrible things that I clearly knew were against the rules. Like writing on the walls, defiling my dad's Alfa Romeo leather seats, lying about something when my parents knew the truth, etc. Kevin was spanked a bit more and his temperament as a kid is often described as similar to Delaney's. I don't really feel strongly about the spanking issue one way or the other and as far as I'm concerned each family can do what they feel effective.

However I am more inclined to go without it and to see if we can continue to use words and lessons to teach our child. I generally feel like once you use spanking then kids will do anything up to the moment they know they are going to get spanked. And what about when your child is at school or other places where they know spanking is not an option? I think oftentimes the spanking escalates and it seems like you do more spanking over time to continue to get your point across. And I guess my biggest concern is that I don't want Delaney to learn that hitting or violence is an acceptable way to communicate.

Now these feelings might all change if Delaney's behavior gets worse or we run out of tools and options. But for now we are going to stick with time outs and words and hopefully we can continue to mold her in that way. And I will be giving myself time outs and taking moments to calm down so that she seems calm behavior and knows it's possible to be calm and deal with conflict. Easier said than done some days...

Introspection

The last few days have been a bit rough for me. I felt like we hit a great rhythm a while back but unfortunately this weekend it came crashing to a halt. It dawns on me that parenthood is full of these swings and I suppose it's natural that I am going to have a bunch of highs and lows in the early months of our children's lives. I was telling this to my neighbor a while back and she said "welcome to the next 20 years of your life". Ha.

It came crashing to a halt at 1:15am on Sunday morning when Garrett decided he was going to wake up. He was mighty angry and it was only 3 hours since I had put him down. Since about 5 weeks of age Garrett had started to wake up only once a night, somewhere in the 4am hour. Then for some reason last Thursday he started getting up at 3am, then the next night at 2:30am and then the unfortunate 1:15 the next night. WHY, o why, has he decided to regress like this?

Kevin was out of town on Monday and Tuesday of last week and I thought I handled everything just fine. I felt good about it all and felt like his first trip away was a success. Then Garrett got a cold, Delaney got "croup light" and I had to spend all day Wednesday, Thursday and Friday with both kiddos without a break. Delaney was MIGHTY challenging on Thursday and Friday. Stubborn, angry, defiant and mischievous. I told Kevin when he came home on Friday night that this weekend I needed a break. Especially from Delaney. A good chunk of time where I got to go away (or they went away) and be by myself. For whatever reason I didn't get this on Saturday because we were busy doing things like going to Delaney's school fund raiser, getting the Christmas tree and seeing Jean/Lara/Gabe in the Boulder Parade of Lights. So then Saturday morning rolls around, I'm going on a full week of hard core parenting work, three nights in a row of not getting a lot of sleep and I snapped a little bit.

There are a few things I learned this week, or at least reminded myself was the case.

First and foremost sleep is paramount. If I don't get it I get cranky. I don't function well on little to no sleep. I need to make sure I am getting my sleep somehow even if it means asking Kevin to take over one of the nighttime feedings.

Secondly that if I hear myself saying "I need a break" that I need to be better about forcing myself to get it, even if it means asking neighbors for help. Or hiring help. Because if I say that I need a break there is a really good chance I need it or I will find myself in the mood that I was on Sunday. Tired, angry, frustrated and with a very short fuse with my kids.

Third that it is hard to keep the house afloat with two young kids and most of the time I will not succeed to my standards. It turns out it's very challenging to keep a clean house, feed the kids healthy meals, feed the whole family healthy meals, exercise and feed the pets, buy Christmas gifts, decorate the house, pay bills, do laundry and get some exercise myself. I think most days and weeks I need to just keep lowering my expectations.

And probably one other thing that is pretty important. It's not letting myself feel badly about needing time away. I think about other moms who seem to function just fine without any breaks. But I am not one of them. I need regular time away from my kids in order to be a good mom and THAT'S OK. I think when I'm engaged and really present with my kids I'm a great mom. I'm good at it. But when I'm not engaged and I am craving time away I am NOT a good mom. And I just need to make sure I'm getting that time away so that when I'm there with my kids I'm at my best.

Today Delaney is at school and I am just with Garrett. It already feels better to have had a few hours to myself. Unfortunately Garrett woke up twice again last night and I REALLY hope he goes back to his once-a-night routine. I know he has it in him and he just needs to snap back into it. But I am feeling optimistic that this week will be much better.

I even talked to Kevin about me sneaking out to see a movie by myself some night this week. Now I just need to be better about actually DOING it and not feeling the slightest bit guilty about it.

Sickos

Today I am home with both kids because they are both a little sick. Yesterday Delaney was hoarse in the morning and I didn't think much of it. Then when she woke up from her nap she was burning up with a fever and was having trouble coughing or talking. I assumed croup and called the doc. They asked me to come in ASAP. We did and Dr. K thought it was likely croup or becoming croup so she prescribed prednizone (sp?). We had the humidifier cranked up full blast in her room and also took her outside to clear her lungs a few times before we went to bed. And o yeah, I am supposed to keep her away from Garrett as much as possible. Ha! The good news is that today she seems much better and almost like she wasn't sick at all. When she coughs you can hear some nastyness but all in all she seems back to her normal chipper self.

And Garrett has had a cold all week and every morning I spend 10 minutes with those darn nasal aspirators (mildly effective at best) trying to suck the snot outta him.

Oddly enough it feels somewhat satisfactory to care for your children when they are sick. Delaney is such a rambunctious girl that she doesn't often crave my nurturing or caring. But when she's under the weather she lets me fuss over her willingly. Last night I laid in bed with her for much longer than usual and read her books, told her stories and sang her 3-4 songs. She didn't want me to go and because she was sick I was bending the rules and decided to stay. It was really sweet.

I guess there are times in this whole parenting game where you question whether or not you're doing the right thing or being effective. Lots of times actually. But when the kids are sick and you spend your full energy nurturing and making them feel like you're willing them to get better, it seems easy. And it's fun to bend the rules a bit because they're sick. Like... for instance... watching Sesame Street right after breakfast and staying in your PJ's all day. :)

Nap time

Nap time, nap time, o precious sweet nap time, how sweet you are nap time.

Before I had kids, I knew about naps and schedules, but I can honestly say I had no idea how my world would completely revolve around NAPS. I often observed other moms that were a slave to their child's nap schedules and quite honestly chuckled about it. Now as a mom there are only a few things that could really stop us from being home for naps. I feel like I could be at the best social event in the world but at the tick of 12:45 I would scoop up my child and be off to make it home by 1pm. I have willingly missed Delaney's naps for only a few things, like doctors appointments and airplane rides. Other than that you could pretty much know where to find me from the hours of 1-3pm for...o... about the last 2.5 years.

A few times recently Delaney has decided not to take a nap at all (pretty rare) and I am shuddering inside because I know this is a bit of foreshadowing of the terrible, inevitable day when her NAPS DISAPPEAR. I am assuming this will probably happen right about when I get Garrett settled on a great daytime schedule where he is napping at 9 and 1. Then I'll be stuck at home with a rambunctious toddler who is no longer napping.

We will continue to do quiet time for a while because I just can't imagine not having that wonderful break in the middle of the day. Guilt persists in great amounts for mothers and I know I feel tons of it when I choose to do my own things when my kids are awake and alert (like get on the internet). By and large I don't do it too much so the guilt is minimal. But that precious moment where you put your kid down for a nap and close the door, well, there is not much better than that moment. It's like you can feel the freedom on your shoulders and you are for only a brief moment, a person who can make their own decisions. Then you look at your watch and have to make that important choice... what am I going to do with MY TIME today? Granted you are stuck to the house but you are free within it's walls. You can nap, shower, get on the computer, call a friend, read a book, or even better just lay on the couch and veg. And you don't have to feel one ounce of guilt. Sometimes it is enough to make we want to do a dance. Or sing a song. Nap time, nap time, o precious sweet nap time.

The time during said precious naps seems to fly by and I find myself checking in on my watch to see how much time is remaining. It's really amazing how much you can cram into a 2-hour period. Never has 2 hours seemed so wonderful. And then you hear it... a peep, a cry, a song, or the dreaded call of "MOMMY!". And you know your time is nearing an end. I find myself rushing around the house doing the last few things I wanted to do before my world is children-focused again.

Then again I envision a day when we can go on vacation and have the full day to plan an activity WITHOUT having to rush home in the middle of day. I imagine that will be liberating in its own right. But when do you get that ME time?!? I guess only after they have snuggled away with teddies, bunnies and blankies.

I am writing this blog entry during a wonderful nap by little Garrett. As of yet he has not settled into any kind of nap schedule and it doesn't seem to matter too much if I disrupt it or shuttle him around to and fro letting him cat nap here or there. But soon will come a time when he is napping (hopefully) at least 4 hours during the day and his awake hours are few and far between.

So here's a salute to infant and toddler nap time. Thank you for existing and letting this mom get a little bit of ME time, a little sanity, fun, relaxation, regrouping and zen energy. Nap time, nap time, o sweet precious nap time.

Things I am thankful for...

I am thankful for so many things right now it's hard to condense it into a list. But I'll give it a shot.

1. My family. I am thrilled to be married to Kevin and thrilled to have conceived to wonderful healthy babies. Every day I smile big just looking around at the creatures I live with and share my days with.
2. My family and extended family. Jo, Bob, Marilou, Gary, Eric, Sandra, Joe, Janet. And all the nieces and nephews. Very thankful that everyone in that crew is happy and healthy too.
3. Our house and life in Boulder. I love our friends, our house and surroundings. Even though I am bracing myself for the winter cold I am very thankful for our Boulder life.
4. Lucy. Our little doggy brings me much, much joy. Every day.
5. The Cutters. They deserve their own category. I would not be as happy in life if it weren't for this special family that lives right behind us.
6. The possibility of a new career for me.
7. That I have my physical health and am starting to get active again.
8. Laughter.
9. Books.
10. Target.

I'll leave it at 10.