Updates

So many things to update on.

School is swimming along, I only have one month left and have actually completed all of the work in 2 of my classes, so I can feel the home stretch approaching.

Kevin has been gone a lot and it's been really friggin hard. The kids got sick, and teeth are sprouting up every day in Garrett's mouth and Delaney is sporting a serious TUDE that needs to go away.

We decided that I am going to take a year off of work/school next year and I will just sub. I think the job market is so lousy that a good teaching job would be nearly impossible so maybe it will be a good thing. We'll see. If I can find a great part time gig doing literacy or something else I would take it. But being a first year teacher with two young kiddos after going through a few stressful years seems like overload.

We seem to be making it work with one income although I'm not really sure how we are doing it. We are close to zero every two weeks but just seem to make it out in time. I worry about that unexpected disaster that could send us below zero but just keeping my fingers crossed.

We are here for Thanksgiving and Christmas which will be nice. I'm looking forward to getting fully into the Christmas spirit. :)

More updates to come this week and next, but just wanted to put a post out there and get the ball rolling again.

Letter to Garrett on his first birthday

Garrett,
I am a week late in writing this letter, but I suspect that in the grand scheme of things you won't hold that against me. Last week we celebrated your one-year birthday at our house in Boulder. It was a very quiet and small celebration attended by me, your dad, your sister Delaney, Nana, Pop Pop and our neighbors the Cutters. We had some fish, mac n cheese and then a lovely chocolate cake that you reveled in smashing everywhere. You received a small selection of toys and gifts from loved ones. The gift you most enjoy seems to be your big ride-on fire truck.

It's hard to believe that a year ago you came into this world, as this past year has gone by very fast. Your sister's first year did not go fast at all. In fact there were many days and months that crept by at a snail's pace. Your first year was by and large pretty effortless for everyone involved. It took me a few months to get into the swing of having two creatures around that demanded my attention. After that I feel like it was pretty smooth sailing. Delaney's first year was like a classical concert where the orchestra is warming up and experimenting with all different keys, notes, and volumes. Your first year was like the beginning of the concert where everyone is in sync. I want to thank you for making the first year of your life a very enjoyable one. It was not only relatively easy, but really fun to watch you grow. You are such a good natured fellow. I just put together a montage of a bunch of photos throughout your first year and it was almost hard to find one where your little cherub round face didn't look pleased or happy. If I had to pick one word to describe your first year I would pick happy. You were happy and the whole family was happy. I think that you made everyone's life around you better.

I'm sure you know by now that you share your birthday with your father. When I first got pregnant with you I immediately looked up our projected due date online and saw a date in late September. The first thing out of your father's mouth was "I bet he is going to come on my birthday." I never thought he was right but sure enough, when my water broke at 8pm the night before your father's birthday, he said "he's not letting me down. He's going to come on the 22nd!" I think it is wonderful that you two share a birthday. I hope that it will be a day where the two of you can be extra close through the years.

You absolutely LOVE your sister. It's been clear from a very early time that she was the apple of your eye. When you hear her voice you immediately turn in her direction. When she laughs you laugh. When she jumps you smile. When she bounces off the walls you watch in wonderment. It also helps that she loves to entertain you and show you the world. I am amazed that you actually survived your first year what with all the "care taking" that occurred. She was constantly trying to feed you, give you presents, show you how something worked, comfort you when you were crying, etc. Some of these had so much gusto that your dad and I would look at each other in fright after we had just rescued you from being carried, or dragged something out of your mouth that she had given you, etc. I have visions of the two of you getting into mischief when you are 5 and 7, and even more frightening when you are 15 and 17. You absolutely love your sister and the love you both have for each other is arguably my favorite thing in life. It brings me endless joy. It brings me the kind of joy that fills up my life jar of happiness with something so solid I am pretty sure it will never get depleted. There is no question that having two children is more work, but watching the two of you interact is so rewarding that it makes every chaotic moment worth it.

I suppose I should mention some milestones. You smiled at 6 weeks. You rolled over at 4 months. You sat up at 7 months. You ate your first baby food at 5 months and ate your first hard food at 7 months. Your first tooth came around 6 months. You took your own sweet time crawling (thank you) and finally found locomotion at 10 months. You have yet to really say a word although you have lots of sounds and love to say "uh oh". You have said "dada" and "mama" but not sure they have a real connection yet. Currently you love pointing at things and you are starting to get extremely interactive. Your favorite game is peek a boo and you have loved that game since you were about 5 months. Peek a book is such a silly little game, but you love it and I find myself playing it with you about once a day.

You have been on two plane rides, the first was to visit Nana and Pop Pop at Christmas. You took your second trip in March to San Francisco San Pancho in Mexico. We went with some friends, the Cutters, Boyds and Smiths. You were the youngest of the trip and did extremely well for most of it (save for a meltdown on the second plane ride home.) We took a long road trip in May to visit Moma and Grandpa in California. You did so well on this trip. It was 36 hours of driving (both ways) and I think you complained for maybe a half hour of the trip. All you had to occupy you were some good things to chew on and toys that make noise or light up.

You were born with lots of hair and I have had to cut it already three times. You love to smile. Your laugh is amazing and infectious. You love to be tickled. You love to be hoisted in the air. You love it when someone you know comes in the room. In fact you love company of any kind. If it's just you and I in the house, it doesn't matter if you are doing something really interesting, if I leave the room you follow me. Your sister followed because she wanted my attention. You follow because you want the company. A room filled with the family is your favorite place. You would never leave a room where all of your loved ones are hanging out.

This letter is definitely making you out to be something of an angelic figure, but there were times where you struggled or made life hard in the first year. You have not been a great eater and have made eating time an utter mess. You love to bat spoons out of people's hands and also love to throw all of your food on the floor. You spit up for most of your first 9 months and I mean a LOT of spit up. Our carpets and furniture will never be the same. And your sleep has been sporadic at times as you refuse to nap on schedule or occasionally do not sleep through the night. And one thing you share with your sister is your extreme pain and fussiness around teething. But most of those things are manageable and I am sure I will forget them over time.

You have been spending a few days a week at the Acorn school with your teachers Debbie and Liz since you were four months old. Just recently you started going full time so that I could go back to school and get a teaching credential. There have been many times when I picked you up at school where one of the staff pulled me aside to say how much they love you and either a), want to take you home, or b), want another child. Heck there was even a brief moment where I thought I might want another one, but I feel so complete with you and Delaney that I couldn't imagine adding another personality to the mix.

You love cars and any kind of toy that has wheels. Your favorite toys over the course of the year were your plastic rings, anything that crinkled, plastic cups, cars, and big items that you could bang to make a noise.

If I had to make a prediction now about what kind of boy and man you will become, I would venture that it will involve your kind and easy going personality. I think you will be sensitive and also a lot of fun. I think you will work with people and find ways to improve their lives. But only time will tell.

I'm looking forward to your first steps and your first words that are just around the corner. And to many more fun games, snuggles, laughs, giggles, and lots of time for me to teach you about the world. Thank you Garrett for being such a cool dude and laid back pal for the last year. I am looking forward to being a part of your life. You're the best, G Love, G Money, Garretty, G-rific, Geej, and Bubba.

Thanks Mom and Dad, for some crappy metabolism

I went to see a nutritionist last week as I have been struggling to get the last bit of pregnancy/baby weight off. I have been struggling with this pretty much since I got pregnant the first time (before Delaney). Part of the visit was to include testing my Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), which basically tells you how many calories your body burns up in a day just being you. There are a lot of things that go into an RMR, like age, height, muscle mass, hormones, and genetics.

Since I have been trying moderately hard to lose weight recently without much success, I was prepared for some pretty bad news about my natural calorie burn rate. I joked with my new (worst) friend that I was pretty sure she was going to tell me that I could only eat 1000 calories per day. She laughed and said, "I highly doubt that!"

Skip to the end of my RMR test and she reads the results with big eyes and says "I'm very shocked. It says your rate is 1100, which is abnormally low for what I would expect". Then we go through some rigamarole about testing my thyroid (which I did two months ago), stress level, amount of sleep, etc. After going through all sorts of other things that could be contributing to this low rate, it appears we have no answers. She is stumped, but thinks that unfortunately I've been given some low metabolism genes as far as she can tell.

Ugh. Thanks Mom and Dad.

So with my weight goals in mind, Katie (my new worst friend) sets out a plan that gets me there within 3 months. It's about a pound per week.

If I were completely sedentary I would only be able to eat 940 calories. O.M.G. Remember that joke I threw out there at the beginning of my appointment? Not such a joke now. But thankfully I'm training for a Half Marathon and therefore can be bumped up to 1200 calories per day.

I am not sure of how many of you are familiar with counting calories, but let me tell you, after 5 days of tallying everything up that I am eating, 1200 calories is NOTHING! Kevin eats 1200 calories in a meal for crying out loud. One of those "low calorie" six inch subs from Subway is about 400 calories. That's not including the Baked Lays or anything else. And a meal out at a restaurant?!? Man.

It's been tough and very eye opening to go through this exercise. I have been a bit depressed lately at the fact that I am stuck with these genes forever and am slowly turning into my mom (who eats nothing and has always eaten like a bird as long as I can remember). Sigh. Yesterday I winced as I wrote down everything I consumed that day and realized I had pretty much spent my wad BEFORE dinner. This is going to take some getting used to! I am also supposed to be trying extra hard to eat five small meals a day, because if I can try my body to get meals at a regular basis it could potentially allow me to eat 200 more calories per day. Interesting. Again, this is going to take some serious practice and willpower.

I highly recommend going to visit a nutritionist and getting an RMR rate if you are at all interested in your body and how it relates to food. I go back for a follow-up visit in a little over a week and I fear that I might be at break down point by that time.

The good news is that after I hit my goal weight we can add SOME calories back onto the plan because I won't be trying to lose and only maintain.

The summer of love

We have been having a wonderful summer. Aside from Kev being gone for two straight weeks, and him being sick for a good portion of the summer, our summer has been one of the best in recent memories. My stress load lifted by about 3000% in May and it's made life pretty peachy around our house.

Our days have been filled with painting, chalk, bike rides, trips to the pool, Meadow Music concerts, Pearl Street fountain trips, dinners out and about, picnics in the backyard, games of catch, playdates, runs, hikes, lazy mornings, coffee (for me, obviously), gymnastics, soccer lessons, the farmers market, dog fetch outings and so much more. And I can do it all by myself and WITHOUT Kevin.

Sometimes our days are so wonderful it's all I can do to not start pinching myself and wondering when it will be over? When the snow comes? I have to knock on wood after I type just about every one of these words, but Delaney has been a downright lovable and fun little girl all summer long. Her tantrums and fits have been fleeting and manageable. She has been saying please and thank you more. She gives out hugs all the time. She agrees. Really. She has agreed to do *some* things that I suggest. I'm not kidding... really... one or two times I have suggested a plan and she willingly went along! She tells me repeatedly how much she loves me and how much she loves spending time with me. Just the other day we were laying in her bed with the lights out, as we often do just before her bedtime, and she told me emphatically that "today was a great day, Mommy". I know that seems simple. But I know she meant it and really DID enjoy her day. She and I are having actual, real, genuine fun together. I have come to the conclusion that I'm not sure she and I have ever really had longterm continual fun together. Ever. I guess it's sad to admit it, but it's true.

I tell ya, this parenting is something else. One day you are losing your mind from fighting the 100th battle of the day about the color of a barrette, or lack of barrette, or too many barrettes, or whatever F'ING frustrating quirk about a darn barrette. I mean really... when you get pregnant and think about having kids, you generally plan to lose a lot of your free time. But you really don't picture yourself fighting about barrettes. Over. And over. And over. Again. I really don't even care about barrettes. I just want her to MAKE UP HER NETTLESOME LITTLE MIND ALREADY AND LET'S BE DONE WITH IT. If it's not the barrettes, it's the cereal, the bowl, the cup, the clothes, the book, the TV show, the way to the park, the right side of the blanket, the right animal, place to eat, and, well, I think you get the drift. Mindblowing, mindnumbing, mindexhausting and just plan losingyourmind. More than one occasion I have sat down with my head in my hands and been downright devastated about the life of battles that lay ahead of me. Battles that I don't care about, don't want to fight, and just want to be over already. Just TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT and let's go have fun. (Phrased that way it's probably enticing enough to make any kid jump for what you want. Right?)

Then you get a little window into the future and a little breather from the insanity. I know "they" say often that you are not given more than you can handle, and lately I feel like they just might be right. Just when I think I'm at the end of my rope, someone throws me another couple feet of it as if to say "here... we see you are working your *ss off, why don't we cut you some slack." It wasn't a moment too soon, really, as in May I felt like I might have to move out, assume a new name and never return to our house in Boulder. You could see new wrinkles developing in my face. I felt like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. In body and spirit. But the gods of "we're going to screw with you up until you blow" have quieted and we are having an amazing summer. I will always remember the summer of 2009 as one filled with laughter and fun. THIS is what I pictured. And I'm actually getting it. Could it be true?

Don't get me wrong. I still can't pick most things that touch or come across Delaney in a given day. Just yesterday I said "ok, I'm going to pick out your outfit for tomorrow" and Delaney RUSHED over to the closet with lightning speed and said "no, no, no, Mommy, don't you know I am the only one who picks out the clothes?" Ah yes, of course, and to which I replied "sigh, just once, can I pick out your outfit?", and she said "one day, Mommy, but not anytime soon." Which is fine with me I suppose as long as we can get on with it and start having some fun. :)

Passed the Praxis

I can brief a sigh of relief, as I passed my Elementary Ed Praxis test. Phew. I really did not think that I passed it and am glad that even though I know I didn't get a lot of questions right, I still got more than average and therefore received a passing score.

Check one off the list!

Simplifying, stage 1

Since being in school and working last January, it is an understatement to say that I struggled to keep up with my life. Every single part of it. I decided as a part of my quest to become a better Courtney, that I would break my life up into chunks and work on each chunk.

Today we'll be talking about the chunk of life that is staying in touch with others through the internet. This can include email, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I have always been a fairly reliable responder to emails that come my way and usually try and put effort into the response (i.e., not a "life is busy, how are you" type of email which I have to admit drives me a bit crazy).

So today I have started my simplify mantra by CLEANING OUT MY INBOXES. I had no idea how good this could be for the soul. Ok, Type A personalities probably won't feel the rush quite like I have in cleaning out an inbox, but if you get a high in the slightest from things being organized or clean, DO THIS TODAY.

It started simple. I looked through my Comcast inbox (I also have Yahoo, Facebook and CU) and noticed there were 140 emails that I was waiting to do something with and were lurking at me every time I logged on. I glanced through each one and wrote down categories. I then created folders (I do this at work, why I haven't really done it on my personal email is mindboggling) and moved a whole bunch of things into hidden folders. Then I deleted a whole bunch of things that I figured I really just didn't need hanging over my head (sorry to anyone who hasn't had a response from me lately). Then I took action on some that couldn't just be filed (pictures I wanted to download and put into iPhoto). It took at least an hour.

Now I have all of 2 emails in my inbox. It's positively orgasmic. Really. I should have done this long ago. Next step is cleaning out the other inboxes and then onto other chunks.

Also pretty recently discovered that I can write updates to this blog and set them to go on different days. So when I get an hour or two a week to write down thoughts I can schedule a whole bunch of posts to go out later. Genius.

Amen to simplicity plan, stage 1.

Newsweek's Fifty Books of Our Times, also a Bad Mother book review

I have loved books and reading for a very long time. Which is why I took great interest in Newsweek magazine's recent list of "50 Books for Our Times." I love these kinds of lists. Mostly I love to look at them and make plans in my head about reading them all from start the finish, in numerical order. But it never happens. I think once I tried and started reading Virginia Wolff's To The Lighthouse and had to re-consider the erudition of such list-makers.

But this list was a bit different. It's not a "Fifty Best Books Ever" list, it's a list of books we should read TODAY. Not because some professor told us to 20 years ago, but because they are relevant, they apply and are interesting.

So naturally I tore it out and made immediate plans to read every single one. In numerical order. But something caught my eye in the mid-20's, and it was a book called Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman.

I had heard rumblings about this book in another mag and also was intrigued by the cover and quote that talked something about how none of us can live up to the "Good Mother" moniker. So I quickly scratched my plans to go in numerical order and decided this one was first.

And I must say, I am extremely pleased that I did so. I am not sure that it's a book that everyone should read, though. I think it's great for mothers, and great for mothers with a sense of humor, and great for mothers who appreciate honesty and a search for becoming a better self.

First off I had no idea that Ayelet Waldman was married to Michael Chabon, one of my favorite authors. Points for Ayelet! And I had no idea she was the one who became infamous for a NY Times piece where she defiantly announced that she loved her husband more than her kids.

I highly recommend this book if you're looking for a quick read about motherhood and one woman's choices and foibles. It's not quite like the dry humor of Dooce, or the anger of Crabmommy, or the poignancy of Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions, but it's relevant and real. There is a chapter on making a choice to keep or abort a potential Down Syndrome baby that is crazy-as-all-get-out honest. I have no doubt she sucked readers in through the first few chapters and lost a whole bunch when she started talking about killing her baby. I admire her courage, I really do. There are funny parts and parts where I do and don't see myself in her. But as I move through this process of motherhood and search for ways to improve, it was a nice side-trip into someone else's world. We are not in this alone, my good mothers.

I recommend picking it up if you get the chance. And if you live in Boulder, let me know, I can lend it to you.

Now I should really start to think about getting back to #1 on the list.

On the move

Garrett has started crawling.

I'm very sad about it.

We were just getting into a groove, darnit! Now I'm going to be chasing that little bugger around everywhere, pulling cat food out of his mouth, and Delaney's toys, and pieces of paper, and dog chews, and you name it.

Couldn't he stay put until a year?!?

Growing Up, Mom

Yes, that's the masthead and name of this blog. But it took on a different meaning the other day.

We had gone to the doctors office because G Love was a serious crankypuss for a full two days. Cranky at breakfast, in the pool, in the bathtub. You name it. It was abnormal. So figured I should pay someone $25 to look in his ears. Which they did, and they were fine, although completely filled with earwax.

Given my solo stint due to Kevin's travels, Delaney had to accompany us to the doctor. It was an impromptu appointment and this is a girl who does about as well at impromptu as I do at brown nosing. But, she didn't even blink when I told her where we were going and how we were going this very minute. She was great. She pushed Garrett in the stroller, sat patiently and waited for the doctor, waited for the nurse to prod his ears, waited for a lot of stuff. She actually waited. Hallelujah. She F'IN waited.

We were in the elevator going down after the appointment and I said "thank you Delaney, for being such a good helper, and being so patient, and being such a fun person to be around."

And no shit, she looked at me, and said "yeah, I'm growing up, Mom."

I patted my heart and said "darn right Laneybug, darn right."

Roomba product review, also titled, why I love Johnny

Last summer we took our every-other-year trip to Maine to visit my parents. They had been raving about a new purchase they had made based on some recommendations from different friends. It was the new robot vacuum... the Roomba.

I was intrigued, curious, and skeptical, and as a result immediately set out to watch it work throughout their house. I studied it intently and was impressed with how it moved about the house picking up pet hair and the like from every corner of the room. If you want to know the truth I couldn't get enough of watching that darn Roomba. Here we were vacationing in a beautiful spot and all I wanted to do was watch the Roomba do it's magic. Did it really work? Was it as easy as it seemed? The advertisements are full of quotes from women saying "it is great, I come home from a hard day at work and my house is clean!" How can you not at least pay a little attention to a claim like that? After studying the Roomba for days, and it's impressive skills, I decided we needed one and politely requested that it be our birthday and Christmas gifts combined (Kevin was not a participant in this decision and I admit that it wasn't entirely fair to throw out this offer).

For various reasons we didn't get the gift in our possession until our recent trip to California. By now the magic and allure of the Roomba seemed a bit removed and while I was excited to get it, I wasn't quite chomping at the bit like I was last summer. So it sat in the box at our house until I decided about a month ago to set it up and get it charged.

Then I curiously set it to work in our main living area and watched it slowly work it's way around our house. I was annoyed and perturbed that it kept getting caught and stuck on things. I would set it down and think "ok, cool, my house will be clean soon" only to come back two hours later and see it wedged under our ottoman, likely only minutes after I had left it to do it's work. This happened repeatedly for the first few weeks of use. Every time I set it to work it knocked something over or got stuck. Ugh. This was not exactly "set it and forget it" technology. I was annoyed. Our model Roomba comes with two sensors that you can place around your house at doorjams and other areas you want to deny access to the robot. I didn't even think we would use them at first but after all of the sticking and wedging I figured out that they were a necessity. So I got to work using the sensors and reducing the space the Roomba could roam. And moving certain items so they wouldn't knock. And so on and so forth. And slowly but surely I started to see it work.

Early in the process of using the Roomba, Delaney and I decided that the vacuum needed a proper name, because, well, Roomba just doesn't sound great. So we named him Johnny. Roomba will now heretofore be referred to as Johnny.

Let me tell you about how my opinions of Johnny have changed. I love Johnny so much that I want to hug it just about every day. That little robot gets such a workout cleaning our house that not a minute goes by in my house that I'm not using or planning the next Johnny session. It's amazing. Really. Once you get it dialed in and working effectively in the house, it really will reduce your vacuuming headaches and needs by a large percentage. I think conservatively it's reduced mine by 95%. Given that we have two young kids, are about to go down to a single income stream and the endless frustration at a messy and unkept house, I really think Johnny is the best invention for moms anywhere. Not to mention the pet hair. Oh the pet hair! It's friggin everywhere in our house.

But the dialing in process takes time, and even after you have it down pat, there are still surprises and disappointments along the way. In the first month I highly recommend only using Johnny when you are near and can make sure it doesn't get stuck. You really have to commit to using Johnny every day to make it worthwhile.

Let me just talk about a few things that Johnny can NOT do effectively. During my old vacuuming days I would vacuum the dog beds and couches on occasion to remove some of the lint (in addition to lint brushes and such). Johnny will sadly never be able to do it. I had to laugh at myself as I set Johnny down on Lucy's bed in the hopes that it would run, trying to trick it with my fingers to let it know it was a hard surface. No such luck. And Johnny is not great in a dining room with lots of chairs. Also anywhere that there is a surface that is 4 or so inches high (Johnny's height) as Johnny repeatedly gets stuck under these places. Our TV stand, our ottoman, the dresser in our bedroom and a few other places fall into this category. You also have to remove a lot of throw rugs and any other loose items (i.e. toys) or Johnny might get stuck trying to suck them into his vortex.

And I find that Johnny is most effective when put in relatively small spaces to work it's magic. You definitely cannot set it to go throughout the whole house because it will only barely clean certain areas. But given the chance to bang around back-and-forth in a small space and it will get clean. Surprisingly clean. And the more obstacles you can move out of his way (especially chair legs) the better your house will look.

Johnny has his merits, though, and I have to say that his ability to get under spaces that are 5 inches and higher is wonderful. He vacuums under our bed. And under dressers. And the piano bench. And the crib. And the lounge chair. And so many other places that never see a broom or vacuum unless you move furniture. Love it, Johnny! As a result of that, you need to run Johnny like mad at first because his battery life is relatively small when working in spaces that require deep cleaning. I ran Johnny every day in our bedroom for about 7 days straight and only on that seventh day did I notice that he was finally getting ahead of the game and had removed most of the deep dirt in those never-vacuumed spots. Johnny runs for about 45 minutes at a time and it takes him that long to do one big space (our room and bathroom, the kitchen, both kids rooms, etc). Conservatively I would say I run Johnny twice a day. Most days I run Johnny and then anxiously stare at the battery censor to see when he's back at full speed and I set him going again. My life is now very in synch with Johnny's.

As a sidenote, both of our pets hate Johnny and scurry from his presence. The other two creatures of the house, Delaney and Garrett, LOVE to watch the little slideshow of Johnny moving through the house. In that first week it's pretty classic entertainment for kids.

And Johnny is best at hardwood floors. He cleans carpets well enough, but unfortunately with our carpets (relatively high pile) a more powerful vacuum does a more complete job. Also worth noting is that you have to empty the Johnny canister after every session.

I do feel a bit like a Johnny commercial when I come into my bedroom and see vacuum tracks and a clean floor (done without any human labor) and plop with great satisfaction onto my bed and say "thank you Johnny". One day the floor looked so good that Kevin said "did you finally cave and vacuum our room?" and I pleasantly replied, "no, our little robot did all the work." I have had many "commercial moments" when talking and thinking about Johnny.

I also think that those with two floors would find it hard to manage Johnny in all areas because of the lugging. And it would have to work a lot to clean a large square footage of house. But for one floor or a small house like ours, it is completely and totally the bomb. Thank you inventors, for finding a product that truly is a help to the endless battle of house cleanliness. If you are reading this and don't have a Johnny, please consider putting it on your next gift list. Or just go by one yourself tomorrow. I think Target sells them now. I assume you're going there at least once this week, right? You will soon find yourself in a friggin' vacuum commercial rolling around your floors positively giddy that you did not have to do ANY labor to make it that clean. Johnny is a mom's must have.

So, yeah, that big hairy two-headed green slimy oozy monster of life that tries to beat me down on a daily basis with too much freaking cleaning... you can SUCK IT.

Snippets

Here are three recent snippets of Delaney conversations...


Delaney: Mommy, I love you so so much. I don't ever want you to go away.
Me: Well, I might go on a vacation, but I'll never truly go away, I'll stick around if you want me to.
Delaney: And I love Garrett so much too. I want him to stay for at least one more week.


Me: Delaney do you have to go potty?
Delaney: No, I don't.
Me: Then why are you clutching yourself down there and looking down?
Delaney: Because I was hoping that if I looked hard enough I could see my vagina.


Delaney: Mommy am I ever going to have a sister?
Me: No, Delaney, we are done having kids and we are so happy with the two children that we have.
Delaney: I sure wish I could have a sister.
Me: That's nice, bug, but I think you will be a pair with your brother.
Delaney: I wish I had a sister, but I wish she was teeny, teeny, tiny and was the size of my little pinky finger.

Boulder Parking Lot Redux

A while back I posted a rant about the various parking lots in the city of Boulder, and how they nearly drive me to madness on a daily basis. At first I thought it was simply the tight spaces of these lots that was making me so angry.

I'd like to add the traffic flow and exits of these parking lots to be on the same annoying plane as the tight spaces. For some odd reason, the majority of the parking lots in Boulder have one way exits where it's hard to actually get onto the neighboring streets. What is THAT about? Why did they get designed that way?

The worst offender is Target, or at least it seems like the worst offender as I frequent that store so much that getting out of that lot takes a lot of advance planning before you even pull out of your spot. Every exit is only to the right, meaning you have to go to great lengths should you need to go south or west (which I almost always do) after leaving Target.

And there are a host of other stores that can compete well in this category... Safeway, Whole Foods, Michael's, the new 24 Hour Fitness, Wahoo's, McGuckins (and every other store in that area) and so many more. After five years of living in Boulder I have become very accustomed to planning out routes and getting sneaky with my exits. In a town of 100,000 I have to ask myself why it is so hard to go to stores here? I just don't get it.

However I also realize this is just one of those things that I can't control and should stop getting angry about. I think when others come to visit and I hear myself trying to tell them tricks about one-way store parking lot exits is when it all comes to a head.

I would really love to have a conversation with the civil engineers and city planners who designed these parking lots and streets. What the F were you thinking?

New York City Trip Review

I returned yesterday from an all-too-brief visit to Nueva York. I was there for an affiliate conference, and what will no doubt be the last of any kind of real business trip as I move careers to the teaching profession. I packed only a carry-on bag and was able to arrive at the airport only an hour before my departure. I forgot what that was even like!

It was the first time I have left Garrett overnight ever, and it had been a while since I had left Delaney on an overnight trip. I have come to realize that Delaney is at her worst when Kevin leaves town for long trips and secretly I was hoping that the house would meltdown and spontaneously combust as a result of my absence. I was also hoping that the kids were good and he would have an easy time of it, but to be honest I was probably more hoping for the former so that Kevin could have a taste of what it's like to be alone with two kiddos. This was his first extended time with both kids, although two workdays away is nothing compared to two full weeks including weekends. It turns out the little rugrats were great during my absence and reviews of me being gone were positive all around. Hmmm... me thinks I should leave more often. It did get me to thinking about why in the heck I struggle with D so much when Kev is gone and she was a doll for him. I'm sure it has to do with my energy, now I just have to figure out how to get better at that in the future.

New York City was wonderful. The city seemed so alive and full of energy it was like I was getting intravenous injections at every corner. I think that living in Boulder and the slow pace has got me so much more accustomed to living basic that when I get in a real concrete maze with people everywhere it's all I can do to keep walking and not get frozen in one spot to spend time taking it all in. My senses were on complete overload every time I was outside and I loved it. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've been spending a lot of time inside, with kids, changing diapers and doing the often-boring-as-hell house maintenance routine. I get to NYC and just one building seems fascinating to me, not to mention thousands of buildings, store windows, outside cafes, faces, clothing, construction, cars, traffic, etc. I came to the conclusion that I need to do trips like that more often just to wake up my senses and avoid having them dry up for good.

I stayed in the meat packing district at the new Standard Hotel which is an Andre Balazs property. The hotel was very modern and a bit crazy for a stodgy tech conference but I enjoyed my two nights sleeping in a room by myself. The hotel was right around the corner from the Diane Von Furstenberg office and I found myself walking by that window as much as possible in an attempt to look at the pretty flowing dresses that are so quintessential DVF. If only I had a grand to drop on some clothes.

The hotel was also conveniently located directly over the new High Line walking path in NYC. This was one of the highlights of my trip. I had seen a television piece for this on CBS Sunday morning and was excited to try it out. I had the fortune of re-connecting with an old friend Emilio, and when he picked me up at my hotel for a fun evening dining out and drinking, we were able to walk the entire way to the restaurant on the High Line. It is a fantastic project where the Parks and Rec department in NYC decided to make something of the old railway tracks that were abandoned long ago and were sitting unused. These aren't just any railways, though, it's an above-ground railway that runs north-south along the west side of NYC. The railways are actually still there but they have placed very architecturally pleasing elements all along the way and also added some natural grasses, plants and trees that are also very pleasing to the eye. There are benches where people were camping out for a sunset dinner, a little amphitheater that seems like it mostly meant for kids to look out a the cars underneath, and other spots along the way for people to stop and enjoy the view. It's an understatement to say that this project is cool in concept and execution and it's a testament to the idea that even in NYC where you think every corner has been developed, you can still provide culture and value to the citizens. Well done, NYC.

Emilio and I dined out at the restaurant called The Cookshop, which is very similar in theme and quality to Boulder's The Kitchen restaurant. Fresh and local products are used the menu changes frequently. It was great catching up with an old LA friend and shared stories of our children who are almost exactly the same ages. We had the brilliant idea to possibly do a house swap where he comes to Boulder with hid family and we go to NYC. Of course we are getting the better deal there but given his previous passion for the outdoors and climbing, Boulder could be a nice respite from his concrete world.

The next night I ate with a colleague at Scarpetta, which was recently named "One of the Best New Restaurants In America" by the New York Times magazine. The food did not disappoint at all, and it inspired me to do more experimenting with flavors and cooking given the taste explosion that occurred with every new dish that was presented.

And then it was back to Boulder after two brief days of travel, and I took both kids in the double jogger to the Wednesday night Boulder Farmers Market and purchased some fresh mushrooms, scallions, cherries, arugula, sugar snap peas, grain-fed beef and potato gnocchi. I am excited to do some cooking over the next few days and see what I can do.

Delaney "Goucher" Runner Girl

Last week Delaney completed the Uni Hill Kids 1k race. There is an adults race as well but they kick the event off with kids doing one lap of the 1k course.

Delaney did this race last year and Kevin ended up carrying her for a bunch of it. This year she not only did the whole thing under her own power, but RAN almost all of it. She stopped to say hi to Daddy a couple of times and occasionally stopped because she almost ran into curbs and holes in the road. It is an understatement to say that she was excited about this race, but I imagine her excitement is a direct result of our excitement and fussing over how cute she is in her running clothes and how proud we are of her to.

There are a lot of pics in this post, so bear with me, but I wanted you to feel like you were at the event with us.

Delaney has a snazzy running outfit (from Target) which has had to be pinned due to the fact that it's too big.



First we had a few training runs which were documented on film.





Once we got to the event, there were funny moments of Delaney doing her own stretching routine.



(This one is my favorite)



Kevin getting her ready.





Doing the stretch routine with all the kids.



And finally... the actual run.








The whole thing was a ton of fun for everyone and we will be doing the other two 5430 kid races this summer as well, in the hopes of getting one of the free pair of Crocs that go to the first 100 racers that do all 3. Next up, July 23 West End 1500.

Summer thoughts

I have about two more months of work. Yeah!
It has rained every day for the last 3 weeks. There hasn't been one day where some drops of rain didn't fall, and most days it is a downpour of rain accompanied by lightning, thunder, and sometimes a tornado. I am definitely tiring of not being able to camp out in our backyard a bit more. We have not been able to have one dinner out on our patio and it's mid June. What the heck?!?
Delaney started Gymnastics last week and just loves it. It is in this huge gym with trampolines (multiple kinds), uneven bars, balance beams, ladders, etc. It's a great program and I highly recommend it for kids 3 and up.
Delaney starts soccer this Saturday morning. We'll see how that goes!
She also starts swimming next week. I'm doing my part to keep her busy and active this summer. Now if only the weather would cooperate we could go to the pool with Garrett, the park, and start riding her bike.
It has been so nice to have Kevin around this summer. He leaves for two weeks in July but for now I am enjoying being social and getting things done around the house.
I've got to put D down for her nap (more accurately quiet time) so must run.

Elementary Ed Praxis test

A bunch of my classmates had told me that the test wasn't too bad and that it was nearly impossible to study for given the broad range of materials. To truly study for it you needed to study for almost a year, whereas it would be more helpful to simply take some practice tests and get into the habit of the style of questions.

I took my Praxis test on Saturday and let me tell you, that test was no joke! There are 120 questions, and 30 questions in the categories of language arts, math, science and social studies. So basically it's a content review of everything you learned in grades K-12. It was crazy! The math was very straightforward and easy, and I will say that doing the practice tests was extremely helpful with that section. And language arts was reasonable, although I was a bit muddy on some of my definitions of literacy foundations, but I am pretty sure I got those. But the science and social studies... sheesh! They asked questions about ice and water in a beaker and the temperature of the beaker, finding the density of a cylinder, and a lot more obscure questions that I can't even remember. There were questions where I could not even eliminate a choice because I had no idea what any of the choices were.

I feel like my brain got kicked around for a couple hours and not in a positive way. Ugh. I am reasonably sure that I did not "pass" the test according to my score. But the real test is how I did compared to everyone else. I have no doubt that a student closer to high school is going to do better on that test given that they learned some of those things only 4-8 years back. But for me it is 15-20 years ago! I think I remember hearing that all you need to do to pass is roughly be in the top 2/3 of the test takers.

So keep your fingers crossed for me... I find out in 4 weeks the good or bad news.

General goings-on update

I guess it's true what they say about habits. I have gotten out of the habit of updating this, and lo and behold I've almost stopped posting!

So here is a general update on our life and I have started some writing about various childhood topics like sleeping and discipline. I hope for them to be a "series" of writings with my .02 cents on such tough and interesting topics to me.

The biggest news around here is that I am done breastfeeding. FOREVER! I started weaning Garrett about 3 months ago (yes, you should be laughing) and finally closed the door about a week and a half ago. I don't know why it was so darn hard for me to close this chapter with him but it was.

I will give you a little background on nursing for me. I really struggled to do it with both children for different reasons. In both of my childrens first month I struggled to get through my days, and one of the big reasons was the struggle to nurse. I had almost every breastfeeding problem in the book (undersupply was the only one off the list). But my determination and guilt propelled me to stick with it and persevere. I can't really say I ever LOVED the act of breastfeeding as an act. Pulling up my shirt, unhooking a bra and having a little child tug at a very intimate part of my body was never what I would call "fun". It was satisfying in the sense that I was providing for them and each time it was like I could pat myself on the back because I was providing them with something that was supposedly the best for them. But honestly I get a nice sense of providing by giving my children bottles as well. I see them eating, I am providing it for them, and they are happy. So I guess you would probably ask why would I nurse if I didn't really enjoy it? GUILT. Lots and lots of mom guilt.

I probably could go on and on about the pros and cons of breastfeeding and what I think has happened in our current day to drive the craze and guilt around breastfeeding. I am not saying I am a victim of my guilt, but I definitely admit to having guilt issues around just about everything in my life (one of my personal challenges I hope to work on over the next decade) and when you are prone to guilt it's hard to not get sucked in to the vortex of breastfeeding.

Garrett has been sick for the last 7 weeks with a low grade shitty illness (LGSI). It's not bad enough to warrant a fever, or stomach upset, etc. But crappy enough to make him a little miserable, make him not want to eat or sleep as much, and more fussy and crying behavior. I even put him on antibiotics because the docs were stumped and figured it had to be a sinus infection (which they officially can't tell if you actually have when you're 8 months old). This illness was poorly timed with my weaning and as a result Garrett has been Grade A fussy about taking bottles. Who knows if it's the illness, or the weaning, or both. But then it got me to thinking that maybe he just never really ate that much when he was nursing. He only used to eat on one side at a time and even though I know how much my breasts could produce based on my extensive (i.e. really annoying) pumping schedule. So maybe I think he's rebelling about the bottles but really he's still getting what he used to on a day where he was nursing?!? ONE STRIKE AGAINST NURSING -- you never REALLY know how much your little one is nursing.

But Garrett seems to be slowly improving even though the substances that come out of his nose are terrifyingly gross. And on another note, I AM SO F'ING READY FOR FLUIDS TO START LEAKING OUT OF HIM! He is either spitting up, puking, draining mucous, peeing or pooping. Really. I can list a lot of great things about my baby boy, but the process of cleaning up all of those fluids is not one of them. At the end of the day it's all I can do to not want to rub my body with bleach along with my entire house. I don't even want to tell you how many surfaces (some not cleanable) in my house have been graced with regurgitated milk or formula. So so so much fun. On really good days I am cleaning up his mess and also dealing with Delaney accidentally peeing all over something. Good fun. I had dinner with a friend of mine in the bay area recently and she told me something that absolutely amazed me. Her kids are 5 and 7 and she said she was in a "good stage of life" simply because she had NO IDEA when her kids pooped. Now I know everyone tells me ad nauseum that I am supposed to enjoy the moment. But really. I am really looking forward to that day. Then it's just back to worrying and thinking about my poops. My poops have been so neglected due to the fact that I am forced to clean and think about my childrens poops. Can I say poop ONE more time in this post? Maybe. I'll work on it.

Delaney is still trying and testing us at most turns in life. And she can turn on a dime. One minute she is adorable and without even hesitating she turns into a kid on Super Nanny. Yesterday I was home with both kids and we had an amazing day together despite the weather that kept us inside. But right when Kevin said that dinner was ready she started throwing her toys and came at me with the toy knife she was using to cut her velcro vegetables (Melissa and Doug plus). WTF. One minute nice. The next coming at me with a knife. Some days I really wish there was a boarding school for toddlers. She is running in a kids run race tonight and I hope to post video or pics soon.

I am taking my Praxis teaching certification exam this Saturday and based on some practice tests I muddled through this week, I could be in trouble. I am dusting off my brain and trying to remember things like mitosis, seafloor spreading, zygotes, isotopes, Pythagoreum thereom, allegory, Thomas Paine, protons, neutrons, kinetic energy, fractions, the Magna Carta, and, well, you pretty much get the drift. Better get to some more studying.

School almost done

Thursday marks the official close of my spring semester. Phew. I can honestly say that the last 3 months have been the busiest, and arguably, the most stressful of my life. I am not really sure how I managed to keep all of the balls in the air that I did. Now I can focus on summer, my kids and my job. I am taking one online course over the summer but that should be reasonably easy and I am not going to start that until June.

Next week we leave for our big trip to California which will be great because I actually get more than a few days there and can see most if not all of my friends. Kevin is making the drive out with me and I will be making the drive back with my Dad. So at least I won't be doing it with two kiddos by myself.

I am starting to get concerned about this swine flu thing. Given that both of my kids are in school/daycare it seems like if a case breaks out anywhere near there that it could be terrible. No cases have been found in Colorado yet but I have to admit I am watching the stories with anxious fear. Silly, probably, but these types of things cause me to worry.

Delaney turns 3 this Sunday. I cannot believe she is turning 3! Crazy. I am hoping to write her a letter this week and post it on here because we have definitely gone through some changes over the last few months since I wrote to her last.

Kevin was gone for two weeks in China and it nearly killed. Even though my Mom was here to help it still nearly killed me. I had so many projects, papers, and school work to complete all the while trying to keep up my 20 hours at work. It was a really bad two weeks. I am hoping that Delaney acts a little better when we are in California because it was very embarrassing to see her behave like an out-of-control brat when she was here. If 3 is full of behavior like that I am not sure I want her to turn 3. A friend of mine recently told me that her oldest child didn't throw tantrums. Ever. How can that be?!? Delaney started throwing tantrums at 9 months and hasn't looked back. She could be a professional tantrum-thrower.

Garrett is teething and fussier than usual. He is finally sitting up, he did that right about at 7 months. He still doesn't roll over or show any interest in being mobile. I LOVE that about him. He is so content to just sit and be. Yeah Garrett! Two days ago his babbles took on a different sound as he is repeating ga-ga-ga-ga-ga and da-da-da-da-da and ya-ya-ya-ya. It's really cute.

I hope to be able to get back to more regular posting now that my school work is over. I am also looking forward to getting back a clean and organized house, and being able to work out more than once every two weeks. Come on, summer!

Milestone for The Bug

We have hit a new milestone with Delaney, and one that I am not entirely happy about. She has figured out how to reach up onto counters to get what she wants. The other day I put some cashews on our cutting board and was intentionally hiding them from her because she goes bonkers over any kind of nut and you can't get her to stop eating them. Well... I was doing one of the million little things it takes to keep the house functioning and soon noticed that not only was Delaney missing, but the cashews were too! There she was in her room quietly and contently mowing down a half-bag of cashew nuts. She is not that tall so I definitely have to wonder how she managed to see they were there in the first place and how she found a way to get up there and reach them. Ugh. Now even the counters aren't safe! There is so little left in the house that is sacred from the children. The bathroom... fuggedaboutit! Delaney opens the door even when I'm in there asking for privacy. She takes things out of my nightstand, my closet, my bathroom drawers, my backpack, my purse, you name it. Nothing is sacred anymore. Our house is too small and I find myself searching for the highest nooks and crannies that are unreachable for her but there are so few of those now. She's like a little mouse, fitting into and reaching things I never thought possible. And she leaves traces of everywhere she's been just like a mouse. My house has been invaded by a very large, messy, nosy, and hungry mouse. And her name is Delaney.

Funny snippet

When we were in Mexico, here is a little conversation that happened between Delaney and us:

Me: Are you going to be sad when we leave Mexico, Delaney?
Delaney: Yes!
Me: We're going back to our country. Did you know Mexico is a different country?
Delaney: Yeah, and Mexico has a king!
Kevin: No, Mexico actually has a president just like the United States. Do you know who the president of our country is?
Delaney: (pause.....) Santa?
Kevin: (Laugh) No, Santa comes to every country, but we have a different president, do you remember who you voted for in the election at school?
Delaney: Rack Obama!