Second career as a movie-reviewer

Well, I guess it's really closer to a third career. One is in marketing, the other is in parenting and now I'm also a movie reviewer.

Check out my inaugural review of my favorite movie of the year, Juno.

http://moviecanvass.blogspot.com/

Green light and monster of teeth

We have officially been given the green light by our doc to try to conceive. Yeah! That's a nice Christmas gift. Official results of the test were good. No damage to my tubes, and apparently a very "pretty" uterus.

Our wonderful cheery little daughter seems to be plagued by teething again, although for life of me I can't feel those "two year molars" coming in. Who is successful at shoving their fingers to the back of a toddler's mouth?!?! Tell me if you can do that, I certainly can't.

Any time she puts food in her mouth, especially milk, she points to the back of her mouth and says "tooth hurt" or "tongue hurt". Although I'm not really sure this is *reliable* information as we were repeating the phrases "do your teeth hurt?" or "does your tongue hurt" for about a day before she starting saying it.

We are in the phase of toddlerhood where she repeats EVERTHING we say. Kevin's favorite thing is to get her to say knucklehead. It reminds me of that Will Ferrell video called the Landlord. Check it out if you haven't already.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74

Results

A lot of people have kindly inquired about the results of my test last week. So far I have not been called by my doctor to review the results in detail, but the radiologist thought everything looked good as far as he could tell on the monitor. They took a bunch of high res pics that he would review later with my doc, and then my doc will call me to discuss. In fairness they told me not to expect to hear back until today so I have been patiently waiting.

The good news is that the dye was able to pass through both tubes successfully, although the right one was slower to come around than the left. There may still be issues with the tubes, but at least the dye was able to get through and it is not blocked. I half-expected there would be a gaping hole in the tube just given the intense pains of my ectopic.

We had a wonderful Christmas in Boulder. We did not have any family visiting and instead celebrated with our Boulder family, The Cutters. We hosted breakfast and they hosted Christmas dinner.

Delaney loved her toys although had no idea why she received so many. She is still saying "Santa coming" even though we keep correcting her by saying "Santa came." O well.

We sent out Christmas cards on Monday so hopefully friends and family will receive them on Thursday and Friday of this week. :)

Sigh of relief

Lo and behold the doctor eventually called me back and after a few minutes of pleading my case, she made a few calls, pulled a few strings, and got me in for Friday morning.

Faith has been restored, albeit only temporarily.

I won't have results until after Christmas, however. More waiting....

Infertility sucks

That was the best title I could come up with, given my especially frustrating week of trying to schedule an appointment for a test that I had hoped would make me happy.

Some, or most, or all of you know that I have had some challenges with getting pregnant and staying pregnant. This past July I had my second miscarriage and this past October had an ectopic pregnancy. Both of them were heart-wrenching and painful in different ways, I would never wish either of these experiences on any person.

After my ectopic, one of the doctors I saw in a follow-up visit suggested that I get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). This test can help determine if there has been any permanent damage to my tubes as a result of the ectopic, like a blocked tube, or significant scar tissue, etc. As a bonus you can also look at your uterus to determine if there are certain issues that may or may not be contributing to the other miscarriages. The HSG test needs to be done a small window of time after the first day of your menstrual cycle (5 to 9 days to be specific). The test isn't necessary but can be preventative in that it may save us from another ectopic if they find something alarming in my tube.

For the last two months I have been trying not to think about the fact that I may never conceive again, and instead focusing my energy on this test and the knowledge it will bring me. Most people, after hearing about my ectopic, would come back with some kind of response like "well at least it's over and you can move on and try again." To which I would smile and think to myself that it might NOT be over if they find something bad here, and even if they don't find anything bad the chances of ectopics recurring are extremely high. I have the looming statistic that 30% of women who have ectopics never conceive again. Period. But I just kept thinking that if I got this HSG test and everything seemed normal, I could feel optimistic about my future. For whatever stupid reason I had pinned all of my hopes on this test.

So my lovely AF (aunt flow) decides to come early this month (8 days early) which causes me surprise, but I call on Monday to make my appointment for the test.

Let me just take one quick step back and say something here about Boulder Women's Care in Boulder. I'm not afraid to call out their name because frankly I'm mad at them. All of them. The receptionist, the nurses and the docs. Boulder Women's Care is a FACTORY OB OFFICE in Boulder. They have four doctors and countless other employees and I feel like 95% of the women I know in Boulder go to BWC when they are pregnant. They are notorious for making patients wait forever for appointments and even worse it seems nearly impossible to GET an appointment. I suppose there are a few positives in that the office is close, I know all the doctors now pretty well given all of my issues, and they take my insurance.

Back to my scheduling fiasco. I call on Monday mid-day and they won't schedule the appointment and instead insist I have to speak with the doc. It takes two days to finally get through to the doctor who recommended the test, which only happened after I called after hours and LIED to the receptionist and said it was an emergency in order for her to call me back. Thankfully we spoke last night, after a few minutes of back story and reminders she was up-to-speed, agreed we'd do the test and said she'd put my chart on the schedulers desk and have her take care of it in the morning. Phew, I thought, finally I'll get this on the books. No prob, she's on it.

Mid-morning I get a call from the scheduler who says she faxed an order to radiology and I had to follow-up myself to make the appointment. Ok, no prob, I'm on it. I call. Lo and behold they can't fit me in until January 7. Since that is no where near 5 to 9 days after my period, this does me zero good. Ugh. The woman on the line senses my frustrations and says to call my doc back and get them to put STAT on the order so I can schedule it this week. Ok, no prob, I'm on it.

Of course the doc I spoke with last night is OUT today, so I am forced to leave a message for a nurse assistant who takes her own sweet time calling me back. But no prob, they're on it. When she calls and we take 20 minutes re-telling my back story (which I also had to do with the receptionist in order to get the nurse to call me) she acts like she is going to ask for the world in getting a doctor to put a stat on this order. I start to get weepy and say something like "I realize I am only a chart, and an annoying voice on the phone, and that this is asking a lot, but I just really want this test." She backs down a little and says "let me see what I can do for you, I know this is important to you." Great, finally some humanity, she's on my side, no prob, she's on it. Two hours later I get a call from the nurse that goes something like this:

"Dr. Munks says you should try to schedule an appointment at the Broadway facility, because she can't order a STAT on this test since it's not urgent".
"Well I could see how you would think it's not urgent but this test has to be done within a few days from NOW otherwise I'm SOL."
"Yeah, Dr. Munks can't give a STAT order for a test that could be done next month, or the month after."
"Oh, you have no idea how much that statement upsets me, I can't wait another month to try and have a baby. All I've done is wait."
"Well, hopefully Broadway can take you sooner, sorry that's all we can do."

You BEEEEEATCH! 10 breaths, calm, calm, calm. Maybe she's right. Maybe Broadway can take me (and it's right around the corner from our house!). No prob, I'm on it.

So I call. HA! The number I called originally this morning does all the scheduling for Broadway as well. So, great, no one is ON IT anymore. Not me, not the receptionist, the nurse assistant, the doctor or radiology. My hopes are dying.

Thinking I might be able to plead humanity to the doctor herself, I call back and leave a message for Dr. Munks, and of course have to explain for 20 minutes why I want her to call me back.

Now I'm stuck with an OB office that doesn't seem to understand I want to get pregnant (should be funny, I know), and trying to schedule a test for NEXT month that could happen anywhere between January 19 and January 31.

I've been spending the last hour, as I sit impatiently waiting for a return call, trying to put myself in their shoes. Here is my attempt. They see hundreds of patients every day, most of which have no trouble getting or staying pregnant, have never had an ectopic, and were not irrationally pinning all of their fertility hopes on some radiology test. They are not an infertility clinic. I get it, I suppose. What's another month in a lifetime?

Switching to a fertility specialist seems like a good idea, right? But as soon as you see the infertility specialists, the insurance is gone. This particular test is at least $600, most of which would have been covered by my insurance at Boulder Women's Care. So now I'm thinking... how much is this test worth to me? Just how irrational is it to want this test before I move on to getting pregnant?!? Because waiting another month just doesn't seem like a possibility.

Wonderful time with my little girl

We are almost done with our 9-day-stint without Kevin, as he has been traveling for work in China and Japan. I was excited to hear when Kevin got his new job that he would be traveling less as he could hire product managers to do a lot of factory management. But come to find out that he would still be doing roughly the same number of trips, but the duration of the travel would be less. I suppose this is already in effect since this is only a 9-day trip, unlike his 2+ week trips of old.

The worst part of the travel trips are the weekends. During the weekdays since I work we tend to find a very nice rhythm to our evenings (mornings are far more chaotic, but they are manageable). Even weekends aren't difficult anymore, but we both really miss Kevin during the longer days.

We miss his cheery disposition in the morning, his pancakes, enthusiastic trips to the park, his passion for all things sports-related, his elaborate meal preparations on Sunday and above all his company. We are such a family unit on the weekends that it feels very incomplete without him.

All-in-all Delaney and I had a wonderful time together. It's nice to just figure things out with the two of us. She has to fend for herself a little more as I make meals, clean up and get dressed, but that's probably not a terrible thing. She seemed happy to be hanging out with me and in fact seemed very sad this morning to be going to school (something she normally isn't). It made me feel good to be able to bond with her for a short bit of time.

We went to dinner with a friend, three parties, the grocery store, ran errands, went sledding (although that failed quite miserably), colored, watched orangutans on TV, shared a lot of meals, showered together and read lots and lots o'books. She's fun to be around and we had a wonderful time together. But we want Kevin back. :)

California wimp

I have to admit, I am a California weather wimp. The exciting rush of snowstorms lasts all of about 5 minutes for me and then I just want it to get WARM already. Today I found myself shoveling aggressively at a bunch of snow on my deck when it didn't really need to be shoveled. After I was nearly dripping sweat I realized that what I was trying to do was make all of the snow go away. Sadly, it just won't. I want to get on my roof and shovel it off. I want to blow dry my lawn.

I miss those random glorious days in December and January in California. Those unexpected heat waves where it's in the 70's and you find yourself in shorts and a sleeveless top. I miss those.

Ok, ok, the snow isn't that bad. But now that I have Delaney I realize that it definitely limits what you can do outside. Once they get older maybe it's not too bad. It doesn't help that I have a cold weather wimp of a daughter who doesn't last more than 5 minutes outside in the snow.

Hm, wonder where she gets that.

Bruin football

I just read an interesting article online about the search for a Bruin football coach. I really hope they hire someone who's got spunk but doesn't cheat. Is that impossible to find?

Here's the "article" about the search, I put quotes around article because most of this is hearsay.
http://www.mercextra.com/blogs/collegesports/2007/12/13/the-ucla-coaching-search-should-the-bruins-hire-a-mini-pete/

Two things interest me... Steve Mariucci and the fact that admissions at Cal are more lax than at UCLA, at least for football players. Take that, hubby!

New Years Resolutions

Here are some resolutions for 2008. Maybe I should do monthly reports to see how I am progressing. These are in no particular order.

1. Swim more.
2. Get knocked up and have it stick (as if I have control, I know, I know).
3. Strengthen friendships, listen more and be more supportive of good friends.
4. Enjoy weekends more with Delaney, do lots more hiking, zoo trips, Burley rides and adventures as a family.
5. Figure out who all these people are from The Hills (this may be the most important one).
6. Leave my job.
7. Write more (check, check, check!)
8. Figure out how to get wonderfully shaped eyebrows that are not lopsided.
9. Take more videos.
10. Watch a little less TV (#5 and #10 may seem a bit contradictory).

When old friends become new...

Sometimes we lose touch with great friends. Maybe your friendship found a lull, sometimes one person moves, and sometimes there isn't a very good explanation for the drifting. There may not be a reason why but we all know from experience it happens.

During the eight years I lived in LA I made some great friends. Some I still keep in touch with, and others are now just memories, frozen in an image I have of them when I left in 1998. Funny how years can pass and you still think of that friend in the same clothes, same car and same life you knew they were living at the time.

One of my "memory friends" was a woman named Sally Horchow. I knew her originally through a boyfriend but we managed to break through to the other side of friendship despite the fact that my ex and I failed miserably as a couple. Sally and I were never best friends, but good friends. We were both single, sassy and loved being social. I think we lost touch mostly just because I moved out of LA.

I was living in Eugene years later and stumbled upon a book called The Tipping Point. Malcolm Gladwell had coined the term "connector" and referenced it to Sally and her father Roger, noting that they had an uncanny ability to connect other people (as friends or acquaintances, not just romantically). At first I was simply thrilled to be reading a book that mentioned my friend, and even better was the spot-on accurate description of Sally's capabilities as a social networking goddess. She was more than a goddess, really, and only those that know her can understand her full power. Maybe you know someone like that in your life... someone who can liven up any conversation, make you feel important, introduce you to other wonderful people and actually teach you first-hand what it's like to be a good friend.

She took me under her wing on many occasions and I am forever grateful to her for that gift. I realize now, in retrospect, that she taught me a lot about generosity, friendships, compassion, and frivolity. Amazing gifts, really.

I recently stumbled on to her website (after accidentally stumbling on to her book at Anthrolpologie) and sheepishly spent a few hours devouring her reading and watching her local talk show interviews to catch up on her life. I thought about writing her, but figured she was really busy, then thought again about writing her, convinced myself she would barely remember me, thought again about writing, you get my drift.

To make an impossibly long story short I DID finally write her to tell her that I was happy to hear she was doing well and succeeding in life. Lo and behold within hours she responded and for the last few days we have been scribbling back-and-forth and catching up on each others lives. It has been wonderful and I'm thrilled that I put all those sheepish feelings aside and just sent her a note to say hello. Within a few hours she pointed me to an old friend of ours who had just moved to Boulder. Malcolm Gladwell sure had her pegged, fer crying out loud.

In a way she feels like a new friend, in that we haven't spoken in nearly ten years and in a lot of ways we are completely new people. Obviously we aren't going to become best friends now but I will make it a point to see her next time I am in Los Angeles. And it's fun to have re-connected, if only to make a little part of your past come alive, especially since they were positive memories.

So I'd just like to throw out a little encouragement to reach out to an old friend (use Google or mutual connections, I'm sure you can find them) and say hello. It feels very satisfying, almost like you just went for a good run and ate a good meal.

(P.S. In trying to help said old friend, feel free to go to Anthropologie and pick up Sally's book called The Art of Friendship. Take it from an old friend... she knows what she's talking about.)

Winter wonderland in Boulder

I think we've had about a foot and a half of snow in Boulder over the last week. Shovel, shovel, shovel. Fetch, fetch, fetch.

Little bugster in the bath

I am apologizing in advance to Delaney, and for anyone who gets uncomfortable seeing naked children. I couldn't resist posting these videos.




Also, here is a video that is displaying a new tendency to shout the word NO even when nothing is happening that should warrant such a word. She says it with such conviction, too.

Girls escape

I am feeling refreshed and alive from my weekend wonderful winter wonderland retreat with my mom's group. This wasn't just any retreat, but a retreat WITHOUT OUR CHILDREN! We became a group about a year-and-a-half ago, and I feel very lucky to have these particular seven women in my life. I gain inspiration from each and every one of them.

We booked a night up at the Gold Lake Inn near Ward, CO. It was snowing mighty hard this weekend and most of the day Saturday we were inundated with cold temps and flakes falling from the sky. When we woke up Sunday morning the skies were clear and we were completely surrounded by blindingly white snow. It was breathtaking.

The weekend was filled with cheer as we shared stories of our children, drew upon each other's wisdom and thoroughly enjoyed being able to have a conversation without interruption. Cell phone reception was unavailable, and that made it all the better to focus on ourselves and each other.

We sat in the hot pools, dined out at their fabulous restaurant, drank wine, read trashy mags, slept in and went on a beautiful snowshoe adventure on Sunday morning. All in all a perfect weekend.

I tell people all the time about my wonderful mom's group and emphatically encourage new mother's to seek out and find one of their own. Especially for anyone that is relatively new to an area (like I was to Colorado) and without family in town, it is an invaluable local support network.

We are a mix of stay-at-home moms, part time and full-time working moms. We all talk openly about child-rearing issues without judgement, ask questions, learn from others mistakes and so much more. Our kids are all between 4 months of one another and more often than not we discover that we are having the same joys and struggles.

The big topics covered this weekend were potty training, discipline, tantrums, pre-school, daycare, toddler beds and talking. Two of the moms left their little ones overnight for the first time. I feel honored that a weekend away with the girls was the driver of that brave decision.

We vowed to make it an annual event and hope to do an additional one in the summer with the kids in tow. Thanks ladies for such a wonderful time.

Is Yoga really a luxury?

I love yoga. Absolutely love it. In describing my perfect day, at least two hours of yoga would be included in there. When I lived in Eugene and was unemployed for a few months I used to do oodles of yoga. It was great. I would take a 10:30am class that went for an hour and 45 minutes. My flex schedule was such that I could stay after class and chat with the teacher if I wanted. Or go back to that inversion that I couldn't quite seem to figure out during class.

Then came the reality of the working world and continuing to do that much yoga became unrealistic.

I did yoga today for the first time in about a year. I was so happy when I finished, I felt energized and full. On a normal day it just doesn't seem possible to fit it in. I can squeeze in time here or there but making it a regular occurence just doesn't seem possible. Since yoga is best done a few hours after you wake up there aren't too many early morning yoga classes in this town. Since yoga is also best when you have at least an hour and a half, that seems like a big time commitment for a person with young kids. Maybe I could find that time but it would mean getting rid of a few other things I like to do like running and toning classes. Ugh. Just not enough time in this world for all of the LUXURIES.

I feel like yoga is a luxury. It's for people who live the leisure life. It feels like when I do it I am sneaking into a world of leisure life for an hour or two. I suppose if I were more committed I could find a way to do my own practice at night after Delaney has gone to bed.

Wall design made easy

Been struggling to find that perfect wall decoration for your kids room? I was reminded last night of a site I had found a while back and need to re-visit.

http://www.wallcandyarts.com

Peel and stick. Voila. Once you are tired of it, you get new ones!

Man colds

If I post this, it's only fair to defend Kevin and say he is NOTHING like this, despite a very affectionate and caring mother. My brother, on the other hand, has some of these tendencies. At least he used to...

Madonna knows ALL

How sad would it be if we couldn't drum up some old Madonna lyrics and think about the SAGE that was penetrating our ears for a few decades? I think the lyrics to one of my favorite tunes went something like "Some boys try and some boys lie butI dont let them play, only boys who save their pennies make my rainy day. Cause you know that we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. You know that we are living in a material world and I am a material girl."

I think this song was from the mid-eighties. We thought THAT was the material world? What about NOW?

Bear with me. This is going to be a long one.

My life, as of late, has consisted of busy-ness intermixed with long boughts of internal swishy-swash thinking. I know that sounds like a very technical term, I apologize if you are not familiar with the process of swishy-swashing in your brain. Actually I'm not sorry at all. If you don't have the swishy-swash going on I suppose I don't wish it on you any time soon.

I generally consider myself pretty happy and content. I have a great husband, daughter, house, health, a brain that is ripe for the using and some great friends (who I haven't been in touch with very much lately). Unfortunately this year has brought a few things to the surface that for whatever reasons are causing the swishy-swash to happen. I guess it's best described as moments of happiness intermixed with feelings of frustration, discontent and yearning. Not depression, mind you, but thinking about what's missing, what I want and how to get it.

But I digress, let's get back to Madonna. I went off into internet wonderland for a few minutes there to see if I could drum up a pic of the material girl herself. http://www.madonnalicious.com/images/1985vt/virginmaterial35.jpg

One of the things I struggle with on a daily basis is our house. It's small by today's standards at 1500 square feet of living space. It's in the best neighborhood in town (in my opinion) and thanks to Kevin pushing hard for this house back in '03 we have made life-long friends in our 'hood. I love everything about our neighborhood. It provides a wonderful quality of life. But the houses are California-like expensive in our neighborhood. Ok, maybe not quite Calfornia crazy, but they are expensive. Upgrading in our neighborhood is not an option.

I want to stay in that house but also yearn for a tad bit more space for the young 'uns and our guests. I'm not asking for a LOT of space but another bedroom would make things easier. At least I think it would. And herein starts the swishy-swash. I want more, but is that REALLY what I want? Why do I find myself wanting, wanting, wanting? Is it healthy? For example, in addition to a bit more house, I'd also like to give birth to another child, quit my job (or at least reduce my hours further), go back to school, spend more time with Delaney, eat better, exercise more, read more, or some combination of all of those things. Of course if I were to get downright GREEDY I'd say I want to take more guitar lessons, learn Spanish, see more movies, travel more, organize more dinner parties, girls nights out, etc. And whether it's right or wrong I equate achieving some of these things with having more money.

After some swishing, I go back to swashing about how downright THANKFUL I am for what I DO have. 1500 square feet is definitely enough to raise a family in comfort. Having one child is a huge honor and responsibility and IF Delaney is the only child we are able to conceive, then we should consider ourselves blessed a thousand times over. My job isn't THAT bad and Delaney does seem quite fond of her daycare. It would be interesting to put 100 different personalities in my life and see which ones came out happy. I'm guessing the odds are in favor of them being more happy than not.

Are the things I'm looking for in the material world going to quench the yearning? If I had the flexibility to quit my job and go back to school full time would my swishing just switch from "If I had money I'd quit my job" to "If I had money I'd travel more"? Is it wrong to think in those sequential terms of "If I have this, x will follow."

DLS (dirty little secret) reveal for the day: I watch Oprah. Not all of them, but if the topic is interesting, I watch.

Oprah has had on Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love. (Love that book, by the way.) Guru Gilbert advises that you need to ask yourself "what you do really, really, really, want" at the end of every day and write it down. It can't be one "really". It has to be three in order to make it official. Maybe I'll start doing that and see by the end of two months what shows up most consistently. Because realistically I will not get everything on my wish list.

I guess one of the big struggles is figuring out if it's OK to have the yearnings for more without it bogging me down. How do I accept that not everything I want is going to happen? Write it down? Say it out loud every day?

Living in the material world does feel hard sometimes. Especially now that I have a daughter.

What's so wrong with saying no?

I have heard about mom's who try to limit their use of the word "no" with their toddlers. There are degrees in which you can limit the use, but some outright have decided there should be other words or phrases used in it's place. I think child care centers are just as, if not more, sensitive about this issue.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think some of this sensitivity is horse baloney. Horse shitake. Whatever you want to call it.

I understand the reasoning behind it, or at least I think I do. If you say no all day long you risk having your child desensitized to the word or concept. It's more important to explain what is behind the no rather than just say no all day long.

At Delaney's school they try to prohibit the use of the word no and instead use "no thank you" when the word no comes out of their mouth. I spent some time there last week or a particularly chaotic day and the teacher was running around saying "no thank you xxx" in response to a whole host of annoying and bad behaviors from the kids. One kid was trying to leave the room and go into the older toddler room and I saw her say "no thank you xxx we are about to go to sleep." That just didn't seem to make any sense to me. I then saw her say "no thank you" to about three other behaviors she was trying to shut down because the kids needed to focus on getting their nap gear ready. Part of me thought she might have better luck if she were stronger in her NO.

I love my pediatrician. She is up-front, honest, and a no-bull-shitake-kind-of-gal. I asked her one day how she felt about the word "no" and she said "I LOVE it!" which made me laugh. She told me to feel free and use the word when my daughter exhibits intolerable behavior.

Delaney has taken to fiddling with the oven knobs. She sees us doing it and want to imitate it. More than once she has turned off the stove or the oven (thankfully never turned it on). I saw her do it yesterday and grabbed her hand and said very firmly and strongly "NO DELANEY". She needs to know there are actions that receive a firm NO. I find myself saying no probably every other day. So I guess I do some filtering of my own and don't say it quite as much as I want to say it. But I'm not afraid to say it.

The disposable society

My mom often accuses me of being a leader of the disposable society. I assume this society consists of mostly Gen X and Gen Y'ers. Since electronics and technology were rampant in our youth, we are used to the idea that when something breaks you replace it instead of repair it. I think we're used to it because we know that after years of bringing in DVD players and cameras for repair, we understand that the cost quoted to fix the problem is often close or just as much as the cost to completely replace the item.

We have had particularly bad luck with our digital cameras over the last four years. For whatever reason various functions on the cameras have rendered them inoperable and repair costs have been so astronomical that we have had to buy two completely new cameras. I try to tell my mom that I don't WANT to just replace the camera, and that I actually grew very fond of our Pentax and then subsequently our Fuji, but how can you argue with spending just as much to repair a camera that is a few years old when you can get cutting edge technology for less than what you spent two years ago?

Here we are today forced with a decision to DISPOSE or REPLACE a number of items in our house. Our DVD player simply won't work. I don't know why but it no longer reads any DVD's. I could go to the trouble of unplugging it and taking it in for repair, but when new DVD players are $60 I know realistically that is probably a waste of my time.

And worse, my iMac computer seems woefully out-of-date. I won a new fancy schmancy iPod a month ago at work. I tried to get it up-and-running but it turns out I need the latest software on my Mac to make it work. So I figured, what the heck, I'll go buy that Leopard software that is supposed to be wonderful. I guess I failed to notice that in order to install Leopard I need a computer that can accommodate a ridiculous amount of memory, something my 2003 iMac falls short on. So now I have an iPod, and the $150 Leopard software, that can't work on my iMac. I can go to an Apple store and have some additional memory installed for $150. A sidenote that needs mentioning is that my iMac has been running suspiciously like a PC for the last year and seems to crawl around doing the most mundane of tasks.

So I know what you're thinking... why not just buy the memory and get your iMac able to run all your new toys? But wouldn't you at least pause to think that it makes sense to actually buy a whole new computer? My computer is four years old (arguably old in the computer world), it crawls around at a snails pace, and can't seem to accommodate any new peripherals or software I want to buy. Will the new memory be enough to hold me over for another few years?

One thing I will be doing for sure is buying a new DVD player, because in order to make my Netflix subscription worth anything, I need to start watching some DVD's.

But what to do about that pesky computer.... replace or repair.

So, what is a BLOG?

I have sent my blog link out to family and friends and most of the younger generation understands what it is and the goal of the blog. The Baby Boomers have a hard time understanding the exact concept, although can usually find a way to navigate around the site.

People start blogs, or weblogs, for a variety of different reasons. Some have political agendas, some want to make money and some just want to update their friends. First and foremost I'd like my blog to be a a place to record my thoughts. It's my web journal and a place to release my thoughts on parenting, motherhood, Boulder, friends, pets, etc. What "they" say about about time flying by once you have kids is true. I feared that one day I would look back and forget some of the hardest and most rewarding moments of our life. If people happen to come and read my thoughts then so be it. I guess in a sense it's my "green" journal. I don't have to waste the paper of a real journal. (Hmmm... but is the power used to create my entry on my computer worse than cutting down trees?)

If I can draw attention to my site and somehow get someone to pay me to write, or post, or sell items from my site, then it's a bonus. But it's not the goal. I think in order to do most of those things you have to have a quality blog with a loyal audience. Getting both of those is not as easy as it sounds.

Once I started this blog and poked around to other blogs I realized there is an inordinate amount of tools and sites dedicated to optimizing your blog. Once you click on one link it seems to lead you to another site and before you know it there are 10 new widgets and tools on your blog. I started at a site called Digg (a very cool concept I was introduced to at my current job), and was quickly sent off to other interesting sites like Blogroll, Google webmaps, feedburner, payperpost, blogher, zimbio and a whole host of others. Blogging really is a world of it's on on the web. Don't even think about going to these sites unless you want to commit a few hours of life to blogging education.

There is also a whole host of vocabulary that goes along with blogs, and these sites, which is overwhelming in itself. I won't even get started because you probably aren't interested. But the Web 2.0 sites (most of the sites listed above can be considered Web 2.0 sites) and features are exciting.

What I am asking from you, my reader, is that if you like what you read, send me a comment. If you like it enough to tell someone, put a link to my blog on your site. If you like a certain post, click the little Digg icon on the bottom of the post.

You can now subscribe to the best blog ever

I've added a link in the bottom left hand corner of the page to subscribe to my blog. I am not 100% sure what this means for you (I think you get emails or can add the RSS feed to your Google or Yahoo home pages), but try it and let me know how it goes.

Bottle her up...

This morning as Kevin and I were getting ready to leave the house for our daily grind, Delaney started putting on an "attention show", which she has taken to doing quite regularly lately. By this I mean she finds some behavior that gets her positive attention and repeats it over and over with slight variations. I know kids clamor for attention in many different ways and during the toddler years it is very often disruptive behavior. However, by some light-shining miracle, we happen to be witnessing a wonderful stage where she is asking for attention in very positive ways.

Delaney has a very cute pink and white checkered hat from last summer that she has taken to pulling out of her dresser and wearing around the house. It barely fits but she likes to put it on her head, find one of us, and show us the hat. Sometimes she puts on top of her head, sometimes on the back, and sometimes pulls it way down over her face. Very often she cleverly leaves a tiny bit of her eyes showing and proceeds to purposely bump the coffee table, couch, walls, just gently enough that it's hilarious yet doesn't hurt her at all. We find this display hilarious and are happy to give her some positive attention for a silly game that doesn't break any house rules and doesn't hurt anyone. How did that little brain decide that it was funny to walk around the house like a zombie?!?

There are a whole host of other behaviors that are happening right now which bring us endless smiles and joy. Just to name a few, she has taken to doing roll call for everyone in the room, hugs for everyone in the room, kisses for everyone in the room, peek-a-boo, hide-and-seek, etc. It seems that her ever-growing vocabulary is enough to bring her joy. Just this morning she pointed out "Mommy coffee" and "Daddy coffee", which seemed to make her happy.

When Delaney was born I found it hard to not start looking forward to her next stage. When she was fussy, or teething, or throwing crazy tantrums, I kept thinking about growing OUT of the current stage and into a better one, or at the very least a new challenge. I would find myself wishing that things would be better for her, or me, or all of us, once "something" was over. Maybe it would be better once she started sleeping through the night, or once she could talk, once we could eat out at a restaurant at a normal pace. Of course it doesn't take you long to figure out that it doesn't really matter what stage they are in as children, there will always be a challenge or a worry in the next stage. My mom still says she worries about her kids and we are both married with kids of our own.

Living in the present is one of those skills that parenthood forces on you or you will go insane. You get slapped over and over with reminders to just live for today, and know that all of those silly little problems like sleeping through the night will eventually go away.

In Delaney's current stage I can honestly say I am relishing every bit of the present, and who she is right now, and I am thrilled that we are all in a very happy and easy place. I am still a little bit amazed that we just finished a week long trip away where she was, dare I say it, a dream kid. Kevin recently traveled to California for the weekend and Delaney and I had wonderful fun the entire time he was gone. I didn't once think it would have been nice to get time to myself for a few hours.

Kevin looked at her this morning with her pink checkered hat and said "Bug, we need to find a way to bottle you up right now and keep you in this place for a while". I guess the only way we can really do that is to take pictures, video, and write about how much joy she is bringing us right now. Hence this post.

Returning from a week away

We returned Saturday evening from a wonderful week spent in Arlington, Virginia, with Kevin's family. Our trip was filled with wonderful food, laughs from the kids, great weather, sightseeing, interesting restaurants, slow-paced breakfasts (my favorite kind) and lots of great chatter.

Delaney got along famously with her older cousin Mary and had some fascination with her other cousin Kevin (since he is 10 months he couldn't interact quite as much as his older sister). She learned everyone's names (despite some obvious pronounciation errors) and continues to do roll call for everyone she met on our trip. This morning she was drinking her bottle and right in the middle stopped abruptly and said "Cabin (for Kevin), Tia (her aunt), Uncle and Maaaaawy (Mary)." She went through this roll call about 4 times before going back to her bottle. It is almost as if she doesn't want to forget them and keeps saying their names so she will remember their smiling faces.

All things considered Delaney did great on the planes. The one exception was kicking the seat in front of her, which is really hard to avoid when you put her in the car seat on the plane. As soon as the person in front of you reclines their seat there is almost no hope of keeping her feet off that chair. I sheepishly admit that I am looking forward to the DVD era on planes. One day traveling will be much more calm when the lure of the Lion King and the Little Mermaid are there to keep her company.

Sidenote to airplane traveling is that buying a seat for your toddler is definitely, completely, absolutely, without a doubt worth the money. My stress level for the trip was very minimal knowing that we had the space to keep her distracted instead of having her squirm on my lap.

For the first time we tried the GoGo Kidz car seat stroller adaptor which worked pretty well. I think it's not specifically designed for the Graco Comfort Sport seat and instead works better with the Britax models. We chose to bring the Graco because it is a smaller seat and we thought it would work better on the plane. I think in retrospect the better product might be the straps you can buy to put the car seat on your back. I think the biggest issue is hauling the seat through the airport, which along with a stroller and a toddler can be very cumbersome. As long as you have two people I think the back straps would be the way to go, and they are cheaper than the car seat adaptor.

This was the first travel trip with Delaney where it felt like she enjoyed herself being somewhere new and was somewhat aware of her surroundings. She adapted well to different sleeping situations and life-on-the-go and was generally in very good spirits the whole time. She is in a great stage and seems thrilled to be communicating with adults. I had a lot of proud moments watching her move throughout our trip and grow up a little every day. Kevin and I regularly find ourselves chatting in bed at night recounting all the ways in which she dazzled us that day. It's a good time to be Delaney's mom.

I have lots of other thoughts and musings on our trip which I will share over the course of the next month. For right now I'm catching back up at work and at home. Looming is the fact that we have a leak in our shower which may cause us to re-do our entire bathroom floor. I am hoping that doesn't have to happen.... keep your fingers crossed.

That's SO Boulder...

We moved to Boulder 3.5 years ago and there is nary a day that goes by that something "Boulder" about Boulder strikes me. I know that may sound strange to someone that doesn't live here but for those that do you probably understand exactly what I'm talking about.

I have lived a lot of places in my life, most of which were in California. There is the bay area, where I grew up, and then many different places in Southern California. Since I am a UCLA alum there were plenty of LA abodes, namely Westwood, Brentwood, West LA and West Hollywood (probably my favorite). Then also brief stints in Hermosa Beach and Newport Beach. There were aspects about all of those places that made them unique, but they were few and far between. There were the "Chanel zombies" at South Coast Plaza and Fascist Island, the faux beach bums of Hermosa, boutique shopping in LA, etc. But in all of those places it's more of a Californian generality than personality traits that make a city unique. A lot of money, sun, cars, expensive real estate, malls, pools, tans, great restaurants, etc.

This will no doubt be the first in a long ling of musings about Boulder. There's no way you can sum it up in one post. I have grown to like this town very much, and I feel like if we could just import an ocean here and if someone from our family would move out here, it would pretty much be the perfect town. Well, ok, and if there were just a smidgeon more diversity that might help too.

Last night I went to the Boulder Nordic Club Ski Swap and Sale. I have been wanting to learn to skate ski and figured I could get some good deals on equipment. Sample sales, or warehouse sales, in Boulder are crazy and they seem to happen everywhere. Having been to the GoLite, Pearl Izumi, Rocky Mountain Kids and the Boulder Twins Club sales, I can tell you firsthand that it is a mind-blowing experience you should try at least once in your life. It's mayhem to the fifth degree. For whatever reason it seems like Boulder likes sample sales because they happen all the time.

This is where I'll make my first sweeping generality of Boulderites when I say that this town is chock full of Type A personalities. What's life like if you can't make sweeping generalities about people, right?

Now I'll make a follow-up observation that sample sales and Type A personalities create a lethal combination. People everywhere scrambling to find that awesome deal on some piece of equipment that they really did not need before they entered the sale. But it's really about the competition of finding that athletic gear at such a super bargain. I would guess that maybe half (and I'm being generous here) of the people who attended that sale went with a specific purchase in mind. I was in a room full of athletes and wanna-be athletes excited about a bargain.

I've learned a few things about these sales and have acquired some rules about how to get through them that I'll hold off on sharing because I feel like it will just contribute to the mayhem. Posting rules about how to get the most out of them would just be feeding the fire, right?

Every time I go to a sample sale I feel like I'll never attend another one. But last night here I found myself again digging through used skate ski boots like I was a child diving for pennies at the local pool, or trying to find easter eggs in my parents living room. At one point I had on size 8 boots and a women approached me and said "are you going to actually BUY those?" with a longing look that said to me all I need to do was give her the ok she would have bent down and stripped them off my feet.

In case you were curious, it took me the full amount of the sale (2 hours) and 4 sales people later to leave with some pretty fancy skate ski equipment that hopefully will last me the rest of my life. Ok, that might be optimistic, but I can't bear the thought of going to another one of those sales. At least that's what I tell myself...

Zee plane, zee plane!

We are about to embark on a little trip to Arlington, Virginia for Thanksgiving. We leave bright and early on Saturday, and a few years back the prospect of a trip like this would thrill me. I wouldn't pack until 10pm the night before, I'd be busy planning lots of trips to museums, monuments and maybe even theater. How things have changed.

Now that I have an 18-month old who has proven herself to be very difficult on planes, my excitement about the trip is somewhat diminished by the stress of having to travel all day with a toddler. As one of my friends so eloquently put it, we are flying in the "no fly zone." Once I get there it will be fine, and we've survived a few other plane trips already, so I know it's only a momentary stress that WILL pass.

One thing we did do to alleviate some stress is to buy her a seat so we have a whole row. But we still have to keep her relatively still and quiet for three straight hours. Egads, I can barely do that at home for 5 minutes. I've been spending all week compiling tons of new and fun activities to occupy her on the plane, in addition to a bunch of food-like crap that I would never feed her any other day (chips, lollipops, etc). I'm sure people will look upon my crap-ingesting child with some judgement but honestly it just doesn't matter to me. If a lollipop gets her through landing then she is more than welcome to have a lollipop.

I am excited to see Kevin's family, especially my niece and nephew, one of which I have never met. My parents will also be close and Thanksgiving day will no doubt be chaotic and merry. I am looking forward to the swirl that three children will add to the mix.

Now if we could just get through that plane trip.

The Life of Mina

MINA. Mina is our daughter's beloved blanket. It's a small little blanket (pictured on the left column of the homepage) that she has slept with since she was 6 months old. I liked offering her a security item as I'd read and heard that children often do well when they have an item that brings them comfort through their young lives. I really thought it would be harmless.

Sometime around 1 year she started calling it "Moyna". We don't know why. Recently it has morphed into "Mina". Sort of like "Mine" with an "a" on the end. Is it her way of just saying it's the one thing she knows is hers?

Mina is now so treasured that Delaney wants to bring it everywhere. Literally everywhere. It seems like the more I want to limit her bringing it places the more she wants to bring it with her. Shocker.

This might be a good time to remind everyone that Delaney was an extremely fussy young infant. She had a lot of trouble in her first few months and I'm convinced it was just a reaction to a world that was o-so-very-overwhelming to her. So you would think that any item that could bring her comfort would be welcome in our house. Until it became the super crutch.

There are times when she asks for it and it seems lost, causing a momentary panic and frantic search around the house. When it is discovered the reunion it brings is monumental. Very few things bring that kind of reaction with Delaney. I do love that it brings her happiness.

The downside is that when Mina is in her immediate possession she is a different child. She zones out, puts her thumb in her mouth, and doesn't interact with any surroundings. That's when I started limiting it's use and now the battles have begun. At first I only wanted her to sleep with it but that became too hard to bear. Now the only rules are that Mina doesn't leave the house and she is not allowed to eat with Mina. Mina has a special place before mealtimes and she promptly puts in her place and pats it for good luck when she leaves.

It has become ultra clear that Mina will be with our family for a long time to come and the signs of wear are already happening. An interesting sidenote is that we have 3 versions of Mina and she does not seem to prefer one over the other. Sometimes she finds one of the other versions and exclaims gleefully that she has "two minas", often accompanied by a "two mina" dance.

So, security objects for children. Do they really help them or do they stop the child from being able to process tough situations? I know Delaney is not the first child to have a super crutch. I also have no doubt that she will not need to bring Mina to her first High School class (at least I would hope).

So I'll just let her enjoy Mina for what it is to her and hope that the happiness it brings outweighs any crutch issues.

Inspired

I've been inspired to chronicle our life more faithfully. There have been a few inspirations for this move to internet community. The first is one of my favorite blogs online by a mother in Salt Lake City. It's called Dooce. The other is my friend Kathy's blog, just started a few months back. Kathy lives in San Francisco and I live in Boulder. With children in tow and busy lives we rarely find ourselves able to catch up and talk on the phone like we used to. But I find myself visiting her blog every now and again to get the quick picture of the Hass abode.

I am resolved to write more, update more, and keep in touch. But realistically I know that regularly calling all of my faraway friends, or sending them individual emails, is hopeful at best. Maybe if I put it in one place it will be easier to skip the generalities and then focus more on quick personal communications with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. Time will tell.

I have a lot to share on motherhood and my daughter Delaney. There is a lot I want to write and keep to tell the story of her life. Realistically will she want to know what she was like at 18 months? Probably not until she has kids of her own, but I promise to do it more just in case.

I started a blog about 6 months ago but I didn't like the interface as much and therefore struggled when I visited to update my posts. So blogspot is my new home... along with Delaney, Kevin, Lucy and Ellie.

My daughter is the SMARTEST

I wrote this post originally on June 12, 2007 on a different blog. I am switching blogs and getting it kicked off with an old post:

"My daughter is the smartest..."
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard that phrase uttered by proud parents over the years. I guess it stands to reason that we all think our children are the smartest children that have existed. Before I had kids I didn’t really think twice about what people did or did not say about their kids. Now that I have one, however, I find myself paying closer attention. Anyone else in the same boat?

Recently I asked an acquaintance how her daughter was doing, a general inquiry to see what was new in her life. Her response somewhat shocked me when she blurted “she is so SMART”. I didn’t get “she’s doing great, learning all sorts of new things” or “she is so much fun, she just started kindergarten”, blah blah blah. But the response I got was that she was smart. Huh?
This brought me to write about how we all view our children and the things we decide to share about them to other people. You’re allowed to brag and be proud of your child. Right? If that’s the case then why not just tell everyone how smart your child is, becuase it’s what you’re thinking anyway. But why did it seem so obnoxious to have that be the first thing I heard out of her mouth?

I am as guilty as the next mom about bragging about my child’s wonderful traits. I had an early crawler and an early walker. Aside from the obvious annoyance of having to chase her around at a very young age, I was proud of her being so agile and athletic. When people asked how she was doing I’d say something annoying like “she’s doing great, walking all over the place” and found a way to get it in there that she was more advanced physically than other kids. So I suppose that’s just as annoying as saying your child is doing “smart.”

Is it too generic to sit around and report uneventful things in an attempt to avoid being obnoxious? So when someone asks how Delaney is doing I should simply respond “she is great, such a joy in my life” or “she is teething which is hard”? Or should I tell relative strangers that the best thing about her is her athleticism? I haven’t really found the right answer yet. I think with my closer friends I stick to the more generic items because I will leave it to them to discern what is great about Delaney (and they will find something, right?). For the acquaintances I don’t see very often, and don’t ever spend time with Delaney, maybe I’ll toot her horn a bit more.

Right now I have to be Delaney’s voice because she really can’t speak up for herself (unless you count saying “ball”, “up”, “more” and “milk” as a voice). But it won’t ever be an objective voice. I can look at other children and objectively see their good and bad points. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that for Delaney. Will I ever be a true judge of her character? Probably not, and that’s ok. It’s my job to be subjective about her, and see her world through my eyes.

I am interested to see if you have any thoughts on how we talk about our kids, what we choose to share, and stories you have about other parents sharing about their kids.