Parents pilgrimmage to Maine and hippy products

We just wrapped up a little visit from my parents. My dad was here for 6 days doing various projects around the house. My mom flew out for only 2 nights and one day, and they left this morning at 5am to make their annual May pilgrimmage to Maine.

Delaney loved having her grandparents here and every morning the first things she asks is where Grandpa or Moma are, and then quickly asks if she can go see them. She was very sad this morning to see their room so empty.

I posted a huge post about Sodium Laurel Sulfate a few weeks ago and I was telling my family about the research I'd found and the conclusions I'd come to on the subject. I told my mom that SLS is in toothpaste and if you read your toothpaste tube you will notice that it clearly suggests you contact your Poison Control center immediately if you were to accidentally swallow any toothpaste. How crazy is that? This is something you put in your mouth daily and if you are to accidentally swallow a little you should contact Poison Control? My mom thought that SLS might be causing all of her problems and vowed to immediately go purchase some of that "hippy toothpaste".

We got on the subject because of the recent controversy around Bisphenol-A (BPA) in plastic bottles. It's in plastic water bottles, Nalgenes, and most prevalently in baby bottles. Sure enough the bottles we've been giving Delaney since birth are full of this nasty BPA chemical crap that supposedly mocks estrogen and can cause developmental issues, breast cancer, and a few other nasty things.

I told Kevin that I had tried to purchase some "cancer free" baby bottles for little JaMarius(working name) last weekend at Babies R Us but they were all out. So I then went to Amazon and used some gift certificates sitting around to purchase a whole cabinet full of these "hippy bottles". Man o man were they expensive. One sippy cup is $10.99. Seriously?!?! The guilt is pretty overwhelming, though, when you read the articles and then think about potentially harming your tiny little child every day through BPA-made bottles. Maybe this recent string of bad press around BPA will make enough of an impact that Avent and Dr. Brown's will actually find ANOTHER way of making plastic.

Sometimes I get very depressed when I think about all the chemicals in our world today, and wonder how much damange I've already done to my body through soaps, lotions, tupperware, plastic wrap, water bottles, etc. It's like nothing is safe anymore. Sigh. I hope this is not the only legacy we leave our children.

Attachment issues

I have already droned on and on about this to a few people so I apologize if this is repetitive. Last week we found out that we're having a boy, which is pretty much what we both wanted since originally we had decided that one of each sex would be pretty much perfect. And I knew Kevin really wanted a boy so I was even more happy for him that he will have a son and buddy through life.

My friend Meg called and said she was shipping off a box of clothing since she is now having a daughter and won't need her son's clothes anymore. Which is really great and I promised to do the same thing with my girl clothes.

So I proceeded to the basement and extracted the 0-6 month bins of clothes for my precious Delaney. All of a sudden I was overcome with sadness at the thought of parting with all of these clothes. The clothes brought back tons of memories and images of my precious darling daughter as an infant. I sat there on the ground and just stared endlessly at the piles of onesie's, footed pj's, dresses, sleep sacks, etc. It just didn't feel right to part with them, like giving away her clothes was like giving away a little part of her. The rational side of me realized that they were just items of clothing (a fair amount of them gifts or hand-me-downs to begin with) and that I wasn't actually shipping Delaney off to California. It was just some cotton and poly blends, right? Then why was I so attached to these clothes? Maybe it's because I was afraid of losing the Delaney legacy by having a boy. Maybe I was hoping deep down that maybe we'd have another girl. Maybe I grow to attached to THINGS. All of which are possibilities.

After some long ruminating, I've decided that a big part of it is the fear that by giving away her clothes I am giving away the memories. It's silly to think that by holding on to the clothes I will be more likely to remember all of the images and times we spent when she was an infant. But maybe that's the best reasoning I have to explain why it was so darn hard to part with them. I find that my memory is not as good as it used to be, especially since getting pregnant with Delaney and especially after having her. It's like your brain gets so filled up with love and thoughts about your child that in order to make space a lot of other stuff gets pushed out. And Delaney was fussy and colicky to boot, so I did not do a good job of documenting milestones and memories in her early months. Hopefully this blog will help me continue to write and remember how my children are and then I won't get so emotional about shipping off some ducky pj's.

The good news is that I am sending the clothes along to one of my dearest friends ever and her precious bundle of girl joy (Danica) will be able to wear all of the clothes. Heck, some of the clothes Delaney wore as an infant came from Meg's older sister Debbie, so what better person to get Delaney's clothes?

I vow to be a better documenter of my children's lives so I don't have any lingering guilt about remembering it all, and clinging unnecessarily to objects instead of the memories themselves.

Baby blue

We found out today we are having a baby boy! Kevin and I were thrilled. Oddly I think we would have been really excited if we'd had a girl, too, but it seems nearly perfect that we have one of each sex. I am dreading having to buy all new baby clothes but I suppose it's a small price to pay.

The baby was measuring right on target and had all the necessary organs and limbs. Although he would not cooperate very well to give us a nice take-home profile shot, but that's not the end of the world.

I can't wait to meet our little man in September or October. It feels strange to be calling it a "he". I guess I'll get used to it.

Oh yeah, no names picked out yet. Oddly enough we had decided on a girls name last night (Shannon). Go figure we had one selected that we liked for a girl.

Memorial service and LAAC reunion

This past weekend I was in the bay area to attend a memorial service for my long-time swim coach Kevin Perry. The service itself was beautiful and, as expected, very sad. His step-daughter spoke as did a few of his brothers. One of the more touching moments for me was passing along my condolences to Kevin Perry's mother. I can't imagine the grief she must be going through to lose her son. Losing a child has got to be one of the more devastating experiences in life.

After the memorial we had a reception at a house in Hillsborough. The owner of this brand new house happened to be the founder of the company Slingbox, and given that they sold the company last year, the splendor and beauty of this property was astounding. It was hard to actually see where his property started and ended (there was a tennis court tucked away in the back somewhere). My family was pretty close to this particular family (Slingbox was started by two brothers), and Kevin also became close with this family in college as he roomed and swam with one of the brothers. It was wonderful to see them reaping the benefits of success and hard work. It couldn't happen to better people and better families.

I spent the afternoon reminiscing with old swim friends about our stoic coach, as well as other silly swim memories. There were faces I barely remembered but it's somewhat understandable given that I hadn't seen them in 25 years. My brother and I were struck by how close we still felt with some of our old friends despite not having seen them for years. Long time swimmers are probably the only ones who can truly relate to the closeness you feel with teammates. As a swimmer you spend so much time in close quarters with these people, and with such little clothing on, it's hard not to consider them family. We also remarked on how the athletes involved with competitive swimming are generally very nice, giving, warm, smart and successful. It's almost as if swimming weeds out anyone without these characteristics. Most notably I think it weeds out families who are not close and don't have a strong support system. A lot of the people I ran into this weekend were there with their mothers or fathers, or both. As a parent when you drive your child to and from countless workouts and spend entire weekends at swim meets, I'm sure you feel just as invested as your child if not more.

My family also had the opportunity to be together this weekend as a foursome for the first time in... well... we couldn't even remember. None of us could come up with a memory where we were all staying in the same place without any significant others or kids involved. It was fun to be together for the weekend, even if it was brief and Joe and I managed to cram in a bunch of social activities with other friends. Most notably I caught up with Gina, Chris, Rachel, Jeff, Meg, Kathy and Jenn. And two trips to my favorite bay area eatery, Country Gourmet.

The weather in the bay area was sunny and wonderful and I had a few tinges of wanting to move back. After living in Boulder for 4 years, however, I will say that it felt very crowded. I drove more this past weekend than I have in a long time. Between bopping back and forth between Redwood City, Los Altos, San Jose, Hillsborough and San Francisco, it seems like it takes a lot of effort to see people and attend events. That is one thing I don't miss about California.

But all in all, a good visit.

We find out tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big ultrasound where we find out the sex of our little nugget. I felt like I was doing ok with the suspense, but today it seems to be getting at me a bit and I find it hard to concentrate. My good friend Courtney (yes, I have a friend with the same name) just found out today she's having a boy. I'm so happy for her, but really she could have told me girl and I would have been just as thrilled.



People have been asking me about my gut feeling. My gut is telling me girl, and I've had a dream involving having another baby that looked just like Delaney, so much so that we thought they were identical twins born 2.5 years apart. In the dream I remember the nurses going to get the doctors to see if identical twins had ever been born 2.5 years apart. Funny. But my pregnancy has been drastically different this time around so that gives me an inkling of boy. Last time I felt like I had one of those terrible hangovers where your body aches, you can't eat anything but bad food and you have a headache (for the entire 9 months, keep in mind). This time I feel like a roly poly weeble wobble character that is happy all the time. I am enjoying this one much more. :)

Dear Delaney

May 5, 2007

Dear Delaney,

This past weekend you turned two years old. It feels like yesterday that your dad and I were walking tirelessly around North Boulder Park egging you on to speed up labor and make your presence known to us and the world. Then again when I see a tiny baby and look at you next to that baby, I realize that a huge chapter of our lives has passed. A lot of people have asked me if I’m sad about closing the Delaney baby stage and moving on to childhood, and while I don’t think I’m sad about it, I get very emotional just thinking about you and having you in my life. In fact I have postponed writing this letter because I knew that even the process of it would be deeply emotional. I have concluded I am not sad about you turning two because I am so proud of the little girl you are becoming. It would be hard to confuse or mix sadness with that pride.

Part of the reason I would like to write this letter, and hopefully others to come, is that I want you to understand a little more about what you were like as a child. And what it was like to be your parent. When I ask the older generation about raising their kids their memories are often hazy, or what I hear in response to questions are confident replies about how they just “handled it”. My parents and others of their generation make it sound easy. I don’t think it’s easy. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. It’s a constant learning process where you are questioning and evaluating the things you say, the decisions you make, the lines you draw and the paths you provide. Maybe some of my insights will help you when you have children of your own. I also want you to understand that being your parent is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

You have grown so much in the last year. You went from being a very good eater to a moderately picky one. Quesadillas, grilled cheese, tortellini and fruit top your list of favorite foods. You also have a soft spot for smoothies, and I have shamelessly encouraged this by purchasing you one every time we go to the grocery store. I am pretty sure you think the grocery store is a place where smoothies flow like a river.

All of your teeth have come in, which is a great relief to everyone in the house. You took each tooth arrival like a punch in the face and let us know about it regularly. I am glad that you appear to have picked up my immune system and have rarely been sick in the last year (aside from a constant runny nose).

You are a great sleeper, although a very light sleeper, which is difficult in our tiny house where your bedroom is so close to our living space. We are amazed that you have not once attempted to get out of your crib despite the fact that we know you can. I suspect you like its comfort and feel at peace in its confines. Whenever we travel and you are forced to sleep near us, we brace ourselves for the inevitable cries that come in the middle of the night because you think it should be party time. Since your last birthday you have traveled to Seattle (to attend our friend Katie’s wedding), Washington DC, and San Diego. I would be lying if I said you were easy to travel with on those trips. Despite my best attempts at full magic bags full of distractions, you are still a high energy demanding child when it comes to moving from place-to-place and being forced to sit still. Long car rides have improved, but you are still uneasy at being forced to sit there without moving.

You show a moderate interest in television, which is a great attribute most of the time except for when your dad is out of town and I really need a few minutes to catch up on housework or cooking. You like Elmo and his “world” as well as Sesame Street. I had hoped the Elmo’s Potty Time video would cause enough interest that you would start to like the potty, but alas that has not happened yet. I am not rushing you into potty training, although when we start spending more time together this summer I will press the issue a bit more.

When you turned one you were being watched by a nanny full time during the week. When Ellen decided to hang up her nanny career last October we moved you to a new daycare/preschool and braced ourselves for the tired and cranky girl we had known when you were at your old school. We were pleasantly surprised to find that you were not cranky at the end of your days and instead were quite cheery and alert when we picked you up. Jasper, Matt, Abilene, Anaiah, Eben, George, Anders and Izze are all names we hear about quite frequently. Your dad and I are constantly amazed by what you learn at school and how suddenly you will spring a new word or song on us at home. It is obvious when I pick you up that you are happy there and you enjoy being around your classmates and your teachers (Stacey and Melinda). Even though I am thrilled that you like your school, I have longed to spend more time with you and less at work, to be a closer witness to your amazing life.

Transitions have been a bit challenging for you over the last few months. It is not uncommon to see you upset when you are forced to get into your clothes at the start of the day and subsequently to see you upset when you are forced to get out of them at the end of the day. At about 20 months you started to care passionately about what item of clothing was being selected for you. It usually sounds something like “noooooooooooooooo, not the heart shirt, no heart shirt mommy, I don’t want the heart shirt mommy”. Coming in from outside, getting into the car, getting out of the bath and leaving the park are all examples of things that require serious cajoling on our part. Despite how difficult it is to move you from these activities, I appreciate the hedonistic side of you that doesn’t want to stop what is bringing you joy.

While you are not a snuggler by nature, you do have a very soft affectionate side that likes to dole out kisses and hugs. Some of your best qualities are sharing, constant verbal communication and a wild sense of adventure. I love to watch you laugh, smile and bop through the world. It pleases me enormously when you say please and thank you, and you are getting better at that every day.

The aspects of your personality that make it challenging to be your parent, namely stubbornness, restlessness and having a firm belief of what you want and need, are all things that will suit you well as you grow older. I know that I am in for some heated battles of wills over the years and I think your dad and I are up to the challenge. We have recognized that you are the type that needs boundaries and clear expectations. We will do our best to make those reasonable and obvious.

After a long arduous process of internal debates about my career and life, I have decided to leave my job this July. I am looking forward to spending more time with you and your baby brother/sister who is due in September. I have been looking forward to this day since I returned to work three months after you were born. My hope for you as you grow older is that there are more corporate positions available for women who truly want a part time schedule. I think we have a long way to go as a country in providing these types of jobs for smart women like us.

I hope to continue to provide a loving and stable environment for you in the coming year. I am looking forward to many hugs, kisses, smiles, new words, and of course, tears. I am looking forward to being your teacher and student. We have a lot to learn together and that excites me. Delaney, Laney, Bug, Bugaboo, Delaneybug and Little D. Here we come, age two.

Love,
Mom