Letter to Garrett on his Third Birthday

November 3, 2011
Dear Garrett,
You just turned three (ok, ok, over a month ago now, but who is counting). We had a huge party here in Moraga with a bunch of your new friends and had a bouncy house, pinata, drinks and yummy cake. A few days later Nana and Pop Pop came to visit and we celebrated again. You loved every minute of attention. We got you a gear toy thingy and a little battery-run truck toy, and the grandparents got you a big wheel. Life is good.

We just recently moved to California and I must say that the move was easiest on you. You took everything in stride and were easy going about the transition. You were amazingly good on the trip out to California and for a near-three-year-old were great about rolling with no sleep and being in strange places.

You are in a new school called The Nurtury, which is located in the Moraga Valley Presbyterian Church. Your Dad and I are not particularly religious people but we both consider ourselves spiritual so we didn't mind that the place that seemed to offer the best environment was a faith-based preschool. You are learning all about God, and Jesus and other characters that I've never even heard of (Zachaeeus). Your teachers, Mrs. Luci, Mrs. Terri and Mrs. Sarah are all amazing and plan outrageously fun crafts and activities every day. We walk in every morning and there are multiple activities to choose from like painting, gluing, smearing shaving cream, etc. It's a great place for you and you are loving your new friends Finley, Camden, Maddox, Sarah, Luci, Shay, Madden and more.

We have seen a more temperamental side of you these past few months than we are used to. Your stubborn side has come out in force and we are hoping that this phase won't last too long. You are often heard saying "no" and pouting in defiance and we are trying to find ways to keep you grounded. The world is not all about you even though most days you think that it should be. There have been an inordinate amount of time outs lately and I hate to say that quite often we have to lock you in your room until you calm down. You are also very fun and loving, and even though some days are very challenging, your sweet side usually comes through and those wet sloppy kisses still come out. I remember going through this with your sister so we are trying to be patient and understand that saying no to you now will help you in a few years, despite the fact that it means BattleStar Garretica most days of the week.

You love playing with your toys and are happy to play by yourself a lot. In times when Delaney is not around you are chirpy, happy and easily entertained. When she is around and dictating play you are usually happy to go along with her as well, but when you are by yourself it's wonderful to see you get to make the choices in your play. You still love your sister but you are combating her more and more as you grow bigger. I like to see you stand up for yourself but I don't like how mean and spiteful you can be sometimes. I'm sure you will work it out eventually but it's safe to say that your sister is your biggest friend and fan, and it's reciprocal.

We are finally making progress on the potty training. You have been ready for a while but have resisted for your own reasons. Just in the last two weeks we have been going without diapers during the day and you are finally having having accidents less and less. This is a HUGE milestone for me and the family.

Halloween just passed and you were Buzz Lightyear as well as Justin Bieber. A lot of people say you look like Justin Bieber so we did it just for fun. You had no idea who Justin Bieber was or why you were in a purple hoody, but it was damn cute.

I love you Bubba. Thanks for blessing my life and making it fun and interesting. Keep on smiling and giving out wet kisses.

Love,
Mommy

Flipping Moon Sand

We bought some moon sand a while back for a rainy (more realistically snowy) day and yesterday we busted it out. (Yep it was a snowy day!) I thought it would be like playdoh but maybe more pliable. I really wasn't sure about the stuff.

Delaney proceeded to mix all three of our colors and started pressing the caps to the Moon Sand containers to get little molded shapes. The shapes were not as distinct as the Play Doh molds we make. But anyway, after about 10 minutes of making an ENORMOUS mess and not much creative product to show for it, we decided to put it away. I wasn't sure if I was missing something with this stuff. Was I using it wrong? Do you need to add something to it?

Later on in the day my 1-year-old son found a way to reach one of the little tubs, pulled it down and miraculously pulled off one of the tops. I got to him just as he was ingesting some of it and think I got most of it out of his mouth. I then called Poison Control just to make sure it wasn't lethal and they said if I got to him before he really ate it it would not be a big deal.

Then I went online and Googled "eating moon sand" and found some absolutely terrifying stuff about ingesting Moon Sand. And allergic reactions on children (like burning off skin). There were reports of dogs dying and needing intestinal surgeries from eating it. I know it is not surprising that I found frightening tales online, but it was almost enough to make me call the company.

Needless to say, our Moon Sand is now in the trash. Every last granule.

I have no idea what Moon Sand is made of, or if all of those claims are true, but my advice to you is to avoid it. Even if it were healthy to eat, the stuff makes a monster mess that is nearly impossible to clean up (like wispy granules of sand) and is hard to create anything worthwhile with it. Play Doh is messy too, but nothing like Moon Sand and not nearly as potentially toxic to the skin.

Sorry Moon Sand, I am going to have to give the thumbs down on the product.

Updates

So many things to update on.

School is swimming along, I only have one month left and have actually completed all of the work in 2 of my classes, so I can feel the home stretch approaching.

Kevin has been gone a lot and it's been really friggin hard. The kids got sick, and teeth are sprouting up every day in Garrett's mouth and Delaney is sporting a serious TUDE that needs to go away.

We decided that I am going to take a year off of work/school next year and I will just sub. I think the job market is so lousy that a good teaching job would be nearly impossible so maybe it will be a good thing. We'll see. If I can find a great part time gig doing literacy or something else I would take it. But being a first year teacher with two young kiddos after going through a few stressful years seems like overload.

We seem to be making it work with one income although I'm not really sure how we are doing it. We are close to zero every two weeks but just seem to make it out in time. I worry about that unexpected disaster that could send us below zero but just keeping my fingers crossed.

We are here for Thanksgiving and Christmas which will be nice. I'm looking forward to getting fully into the Christmas spirit. :)

More updates to come this week and next, but just wanted to put a post out there and get the ball rolling again.

Letter to Garrett on his first birthday

Garrett,
I am a week late in writing this letter, but I suspect that in the grand scheme of things you won't hold that against me. Last week we celebrated your one-year birthday at our house in Boulder. It was a very quiet and small celebration attended by me, your dad, your sister Delaney, Nana, Pop Pop and our neighbors the Cutters. We had some fish, mac n cheese and then a lovely chocolate cake that you reveled in smashing everywhere. You received a small selection of toys and gifts from loved ones. The gift you most enjoy seems to be your big ride-on fire truck.

It's hard to believe that a year ago you came into this world, as this past year has gone by very fast. Your sister's first year did not go fast at all. In fact there were many days and months that crept by at a snail's pace. Your first year was by and large pretty effortless for everyone involved. It took me a few months to get into the swing of having two creatures around that demanded my attention. After that I feel like it was pretty smooth sailing. Delaney's first year was like a classical concert where the orchestra is warming up and experimenting with all different keys, notes, and volumes. Your first year was like the beginning of the concert where everyone is in sync. I want to thank you for making the first year of your life a very enjoyable one. It was not only relatively easy, but really fun to watch you grow. You are such a good natured fellow. I just put together a montage of a bunch of photos throughout your first year and it was almost hard to find one where your little cherub round face didn't look pleased or happy. If I had to pick one word to describe your first year I would pick happy. You were happy and the whole family was happy. I think that you made everyone's life around you better.

I'm sure you know by now that you share your birthday with your father. When I first got pregnant with you I immediately looked up our projected due date online and saw a date in late September. The first thing out of your father's mouth was "I bet he is going to come on my birthday." I never thought he was right but sure enough, when my water broke at 8pm the night before your father's birthday, he said "he's not letting me down. He's going to come on the 22nd!" I think it is wonderful that you two share a birthday. I hope that it will be a day where the two of you can be extra close through the years.

You absolutely LOVE your sister. It's been clear from a very early time that she was the apple of your eye. When you hear her voice you immediately turn in her direction. When she laughs you laugh. When she jumps you smile. When she bounces off the walls you watch in wonderment. It also helps that she loves to entertain you and show you the world. I am amazed that you actually survived your first year what with all the "care taking" that occurred. She was constantly trying to feed you, give you presents, show you how something worked, comfort you when you were crying, etc. Some of these had so much gusto that your dad and I would look at each other in fright after we had just rescued you from being carried, or dragged something out of your mouth that she had given you, etc. I have visions of the two of you getting into mischief when you are 5 and 7, and even more frightening when you are 15 and 17. You absolutely love your sister and the love you both have for each other is arguably my favorite thing in life. It brings me endless joy. It brings me the kind of joy that fills up my life jar of happiness with something so solid I am pretty sure it will never get depleted. There is no question that having two children is more work, but watching the two of you interact is so rewarding that it makes every chaotic moment worth it.

I suppose I should mention some milestones. You smiled at 6 weeks. You rolled over at 4 months. You sat up at 7 months. You ate your first baby food at 5 months and ate your first hard food at 7 months. Your first tooth came around 6 months. You took your own sweet time crawling (thank you) and finally found locomotion at 10 months. You have yet to really say a word although you have lots of sounds and love to say "uh oh". You have said "dada" and "mama" but not sure they have a real connection yet. Currently you love pointing at things and you are starting to get extremely interactive. Your favorite game is peek a boo and you have loved that game since you were about 5 months. Peek a book is such a silly little game, but you love it and I find myself playing it with you about once a day.

You have been on two plane rides, the first was to visit Nana and Pop Pop at Christmas. You took your second trip in March to San Francisco San Pancho in Mexico. We went with some friends, the Cutters, Boyds and Smiths. You were the youngest of the trip and did extremely well for most of it (save for a meltdown on the second plane ride home.) We took a long road trip in May to visit Moma and Grandpa in California. You did so well on this trip. It was 36 hours of driving (both ways) and I think you complained for maybe a half hour of the trip. All you had to occupy you were some good things to chew on and toys that make noise or light up.

You were born with lots of hair and I have had to cut it already three times. You love to smile. Your laugh is amazing and infectious. You love to be tickled. You love to be hoisted in the air. You love it when someone you know comes in the room. In fact you love company of any kind. If it's just you and I in the house, it doesn't matter if you are doing something really interesting, if I leave the room you follow me. Your sister followed because she wanted my attention. You follow because you want the company. A room filled with the family is your favorite place. You would never leave a room where all of your loved ones are hanging out.

This letter is definitely making you out to be something of an angelic figure, but there were times where you struggled or made life hard in the first year. You have not been a great eater and have made eating time an utter mess. You love to bat spoons out of people's hands and also love to throw all of your food on the floor. You spit up for most of your first 9 months and I mean a LOT of spit up. Our carpets and furniture will never be the same. And your sleep has been sporadic at times as you refuse to nap on schedule or occasionally do not sleep through the night. And one thing you share with your sister is your extreme pain and fussiness around teething. But most of those things are manageable and I am sure I will forget them over time.

You have been spending a few days a week at the Acorn school with your teachers Debbie and Liz since you were four months old. Just recently you started going full time so that I could go back to school and get a teaching credential. There have been many times when I picked you up at school where one of the staff pulled me aside to say how much they love you and either a), want to take you home, or b), want another child. Heck there was even a brief moment where I thought I might want another one, but I feel so complete with you and Delaney that I couldn't imagine adding another personality to the mix.

You love cars and any kind of toy that has wheels. Your favorite toys over the course of the year were your plastic rings, anything that crinkled, plastic cups, cars, and big items that you could bang to make a noise.

If I had to make a prediction now about what kind of boy and man you will become, I would venture that it will involve your kind and easy going personality. I think you will be sensitive and also a lot of fun. I think you will work with people and find ways to improve their lives. But only time will tell.

I'm looking forward to your first steps and your first words that are just around the corner. And to many more fun games, snuggles, laughs, giggles, and lots of time for me to teach you about the world. Thank you Garrett for being such a cool dude and laid back pal for the last year. I am looking forward to being a part of your life. You're the best, G Love, G Money, Garretty, G-rific, Geej, and Bubba.

Happy 1 year birthday, G Love

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thanks Mom and Dad, for some crappy metabolism

I went to see a nutritionist last week as I have been struggling to get the last bit of pregnancy/baby weight off. I have been struggling with this pretty much since I got pregnant the first time (before Delaney). Part of the visit was to include testing my Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), which basically tells you how many calories your body burns up in a day just being you. There are a lot of things that go into an RMR, like age, height, muscle mass, hormones, and genetics.

Since I have been trying moderately hard to lose weight recently without much success, I was prepared for some pretty bad news about my natural calorie burn rate. I joked with my new (worst) friend that I was pretty sure she was going to tell me that I could only eat 1000 calories per day. She laughed and said, "I highly doubt that!"

Skip to the end of my RMR test and she reads the results with big eyes and says "I'm very shocked. It says your rate is 1100, which is abnormally low for what I would expect". Then we go through some rigamarole about testing my thyroid (which I did two months ago), stress level, amount of sleep, etc. After going through all sorts of other things that could be contributing to this low rate, it appears we have no answers. She is stumped, but thinks that unfortunately I've been given some low metabolism genes as far as she can tell.

Ugh. Thanks Mom and Dad.

So with my weight goals in mind, Katie (my new worst friend) sets out a plan that gets me there within 3 months. It's about a pound per week.

If I were completely sedentary I would only be able to eat 940 calories. O.M.G. Remember that joke I threw out there at the beginning of my appointment? Not such a joke now. But thankfully I'm training for a Half Marathon and therefore can be bumped up to 1200 calories per day.

I am not sure of how many of you are familiar with counting calories, but let me tell you, after 5 days of tallying everything up that I am eating, 1200 calories is NOTHING! Kevin eats 1200 calories in a meal for crying out loud. One of those "low calorie" six inch subs from Subway is about 400 calories. That's not including the Baked Lays or anything else. And a meal out at a restaurant?!? Man.

It's been tough and very eye opening to go through this exercise. I have been a bit depressed lately at the fact that I am stuck with these genes forever and am slowly turning into my mom (who eats nothing and has always eaten like a bird as long as I can remember). Sigh. Yesterday I winced as I wrote down everything I consumed that day and realized I had pretty much spent my wad BEFORE dinner. This is going to take some getting used to! I am also supposed to be trying extra hard to eat five small meals a day, because if I can try my body to get meals at a regular basis it could potentially allow me to eat 200 more calories per day. Interesting. Again, this is going to take some serious practice and willpower.

I highly recommend going to visit a nutritionist and getting an RMR rate if you are at all interested in your body and how it relates to food. I go back for a follow-up visit in a little over a week and I fear that I might be at break down point by that time.

The good news is that after I hit my goal weight we can add SOME calories back onto the plan because I won't be trying to lose and only maintain.

The summer of love

We have been having a wonderful summer. Aside from Kev being gone for two straight weeks, and him being sick for a good portion of the summer, our summer has been one of the best in recent memories. My stress load lifted by about 3000% in May and it's made life pretty peachy around our house.

Our days have been filled with painting, chalk, bike rides, trips to the pool, Meadow Music concerts, Pearl Street fountain trips, dinners out and about, picnics in the backyard, games of catch, playdates, runs, hikes, lazy mornings, coffee (for me, obviously), gymnastics, soccer lessons, the farmers market, dog fetch outings and so much more. And I can do it all by myself and WITHOUT Kevin.

Sometimes our days are so wonderful it's all I can do to not start pinching myself and wondering when it will be over? When the snow comes? I have to knock on wood after I type just about every one of these words, but Delaney has been a downright lovable and fun little girl all summer long. Her tantrums and fits have been fleeting and manageable. She has been saying please and thank you more. She gives out hugs all the time. She agrees. Really. She has agreed to do *some* things that I suggest. I'm not kidding... really... one or two times I have suggested a plan and she willingly went along! She tells me repeatedly how much she loves me and how much she loves spending time with me. Just the other day we were laying in her bed with the lights out, as we often do just before her bedtime, and she told me emphatically that "today was a great day, Mommy". I know that seems simple. But I know she meant it and really DID enjoy her day. She and I are having actual, real, genuine fun together. I have come to the conclusion that I'm not sure she and I have ever really had longterm continual fun together. Ever. I guess it's sad to admit it, but it's true.

I tell ya, this parenting is something else. One day you are losing your mind from fighting the 100th battle of the day about the color of a barrette, or lack of barrette, or too many barrettes, or whatever F'ING frustrating quirk about a darn barrette. I mean really... when you get pregnant and think about having kids, you generally plan to lose a lot of your free time. But you really don't picture yourself fighting about barrettes. Over. And over. And over. Again. I really don't even care about barrettes. I just want her to MAKE UP HER NETTLESOME LITTLE MIND ALREADY AND LET'S BE DONE WITH IT. If it's not the barrettes, it's the cereal, the bowl, the cup, the clothes, the book, the TV show, the way to the park, the right side of the blanket, the right animal, place to eat, and, well, I think you get the drift. Mindblowing, mindnumbing, mindexhausting and just plan losingyourmind. More than one occasion I have sat down with my head in my hands and been downright devastated about the life of battles that lay ahead of me. Battles that I don't care about, don't want to fight, and just want to be over already. Just TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT and let's go have fun. (Phrased that way it's probably enticing enough to make any kid jump for what you want. Right?)

Then you get a little window into the future and a little breather from the insanity. I know "they" say often that you are not given more than you can handle, and lately I feel like they just might be right. Just when I think I'm at the end of my rope, someone throws me another couple feet of it as if to say "here... we see you are working your *ss off, why don't we cut you some slack." It wasn't a moment too soon, really, as in May I felt like I might have to move out, assume a new name and never return to our house in Boulder. You could see new wrinkles developing in my face. I felt like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. In body and spirit. But the gods of "we're going to screw with you up until you blow" have quieted and we are having an amazing summer. I will always remember the summer of 2009 as one filled with laughter and fun. THIS is what I pictured. And I'm actually getting it. Could it be true?

Don't get me wrong. I still can't pick most things that touch or come across Delaney in a given day. Just yesterday I said "ok, I'm going to pick out your outfit for tomorrow" and Delaney RUSHED over to the closet with lightning speed and said "no, no, no, Mommy, don't you know I am the only one who picks out the clothes?" Ah yes, of course, and to which I replied "sigh, just once, can I pick out your outfit?", and she said "one day, Mommy, but not anytime soon." Which is fine with me I suppose as long as we can get on with it and start having some fun. :)

Passed the Praxis

I can brief a sigh of relief, as I passed my Elementary Ed Praxis test. Phew. I really did not think that I passed it and am glad that even though I know I didn't get a lot of questions right, I still got more than average and therefore received a passing score.

Check one off the list!

Simplifying, stage 1

Since being in school and working last January, it is an understatement to say that I struggled to keep up with my life. Every single part of it. I decided as a part of my quest to become a better Courtney, that I would break my life up into chunks and work on each chunk.

Today we'll be talking about the chunk of life that is staying in touch with others through the internet. This can include email, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I have always been a fairly reliable responder to emails that come my way and usually try and put effort into the response (i.e., not a "life is busy, how are you" type of email which I have to admit drives me a bit crazy).

So today I have started my simplify mantra by CLEANING OUT MY INBOXES. I had no idea how good this could be for the soul. Ok, Type A personalities probably won't feel the rush quite like I have in cleaning out an inbox, but if you get a high in the slightest from things being organized or clean, DO THIS TODAY.

It started simple. I looked through my Comcast inbox (I also have Yahoo, Facebook and CU) and noticed there were 140 emails that I was waiting to do something with and were lurking at me every time I logged on. I glanced through each one and wrote down categories. I then created folders (I do this at work, why I haven't really done it on my personal email is mindboggling) and moved a whole bunch of things into hidden folders. Then I deleted a whole bunch of things that I figured I really just didn't need hanging over my head (sorry to anyone who hasn't had a response from me lately). Then I took action on some that couldn't just be filed (pictures I wanted to download and put into iPhoto). It took at least an hour.

Now I have all of 2 emails in my inbox. It's positively orgasmic. Really. I should have done this long ago. Next step is cleaning out the other inboxes and then onto other chunks.

Also pretty recently discovered that I can write updates to this blog and set them to go on different days. So when I get an hour or two a week to write down thoughts I can schedule a whole bunch of posts to go out later. Genius.

Amen to simplicity plan, stage 1.

Newsweek's Fifty Books of Our Times, also a Bad Mother book review

I have loved books and reading for a very long time. Which is why I took great interest in Newsweek magazine's recent list of "50 Books for Our Times." I love these kinds of lists. Mostly I love to look at them and make plans in my head about reading them all from start the finish, in numerical order. But it never happens. I think once I tried and started reading Virginia Wolff's To The Lighthouse and had to re-consider the erudition of such list-makers.

But this list was a bit different. It's not a "Fifty Best Books Ever" list, it's a list of books we should read TODAY. Not because some professor told us to 20 years ago, but because they are relevant, they apply and are interesting.

So naturally I tore it out and made immediate plans to read every single one. In numerical order. But something caught my eye in the mid-20's, and it was a book called Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman.

I had heard rumblings about this book in another mag and also was intrigued by the cover and quote that talked something about how none of us can live up to the "Good Mother" moniker. So I quickly scratched my plans to go in numerical order and decided this one was first.

And I must say, I am extremely pleased that I did so. I am not sure that it's a book that everyone should read, though. I think it's great for mothers, and great for mothers with a sense of humor, and great for mothers who appreciate honesty and a search for becoming a better self.

First off I had no idea that Ayelet Waldman was married to Michael Chabon, one of my favorite authors. Points for Ayelet! And I had no idea she was the one who became infamous for a NY Times piece where she defiantly announced that she loved her husband more than her kids.

I highly recommend this book if you're looking for a quick read about motherhood and one woman's choices and foibles. It's not quite like the dry humor of Dooce, or the anger of Crabmommy, or the poignancy of Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions, but it's relevant and real. There is a chapter on making a choice to keep or abort a potential Down Syndrome baby that is crazy-as-all-get-out honest. I have no doubt she sucked readers in through the first few chapters and lost a whole bunch when she started talking about killing her baby. I admire her courage, I really do. There are funny parts and parts where I do and don't see myself in her. But as I move through this process of motherhood and search for ways to improve, it was a nice side-trip into someone else's world. We are not in this alone, my good mothers.

I recommend picking it up if you get the chance. And if you live in Boulder, let me know, I can lend it to you.

Now I should really start to think about getting back to #1 on the list.

On the move

Garrett has started crawling.

I'm very sad about it.

We were just getting into a groove, darnit! Now I'm going to be chasing that little bugger around everywhere, pulling cat food out of his mouth, and Delaney's toys, and pieces of paper, and dog chews, and you name it.

Couldn't he stay put until a year?!?

Growing Up, Mom

Yes, that's the masthead and name of this blog. But it took on a different meaning the other day.

We had gone to the doctors office because G Love was a serious crankypuss for a full two days. Cranky at breakfast, in the pool, in the bathtub. You name it. It was abnormal. So figured I should pay someone $25 to look in his ears. Which they did, and they were fine, although completely filled with earwax.

Given my solo stint due to Kevin's travels, Delaney had to accompany us to the doctor. It was an impromptu appointment and this is a girl who does about as well at impromptu as I do at brown nosing. But, she didn't even blink when I told her where we were going and how we were going this very minute. She was great. She pushed Garrett in the stroller, sat patiently and waited for the doctor, waited for the nurse to prod his ears, waited for a lot of stuff. She actually waited. Hallelujah. She F'IN waited.

We were in the elevator going down after the appointment and I said "thank you Delaney, for being such a good helper, and being so patient, and being such a fun person to be around."

And no shit, she looked at me, and said "yeah, I'm growing up, Mom."

I patted my heart and said "darn right Laneybug, darn right."