Letter to Garrett on his Third Birthday

November 3, 2011
Dear Garrett,
You just turned three (ok, ok, over a month ago now, but who is counting). We had a huge party here in Moraga with a bunch of your new friends and had a bouncy house, pinata, drinks and yummy cake. A few days later Nana and Pop Pop came to visit and we celebrated again. You loved every minute of attention. We got you a gear toy thingy and a little battery-run truck toy, and the grandparents got you a big wheel. Life is good.

We just recently moved to California and I must say that the move was easiest on you. You took everything in stride and were easy going about the transition. You were amazingly good on the trip out to California and for a near-three-year-old were great about rolling with no sleep and being in strange places.

You are in a new school called The Nurtury, which is located in the Moraga Valley Presbyterian Church. Your Dad and I are not particularly religious people but we both consider ourselves spiritual so we didn't mind that the place that seemed to offer the best environment was a faith-based preschool. You are learning all about God, and Jesus and other characters that I've never even heard of (Zachaeeus). Your teachers, Mrs. Luci, Mrs. Terri and Mrs. Sarah are all amazing and plan outrageously fun crafts and activities every day. We walk in every morning and there are multiple activities to choose from like painting, gluing, smearing shaving cream, etc. It's a great place for you and you are loving your new friends Finley, Camden, Maddox, Sarah, Luci, Shay, Madden and more.

We have seen a more temperamental side of you these past few months than we are used to. Your stubborn side has come out in force and we are hoping that this phase won't last too long. You are often heard saying "no" and pouting in defiance and we are trying to find ways to keep you grounded. The world is not all about you even though most days you think that it should be. There have been an inordinate amount of time outs lately and I hate to say that quite often we have to lock you in your room until you calm down. You are also very fun and loving, and even though some days are very challenging, your sweet side usually comes through and those wet sloppy kisses still come out. I remember going through this with your sister so we are trying to be patient and understand that saying no to you now will help you in a few years, despite the fact that it means BattleStar Garretica most days of the week.

You love playing with your toys and are happy to play by yourself a lot. In times when Delaney is not around you are chirpy, happy and easily entertained. When she is around and dictating play you are usually happy to go along with her as well, but when you are by yourself it's wonderful to see you get to make the choices in your play. You still love your sister but you are combating her more and more as you grow bigger. I like to see you stand up for yourself but I don't like how mean and spiteful you can be sometimes. I'm sure you will work it out eventually but it's safe to say that your sister is your biggest friend and fan, and it's reciprocal.

We are finally making progress on the potty training. You have been ready for a while but have resisted for your own reasons. Just in the last two weeks we have been going without diapers during the day and you are finally having having accidents less and less. This is a HUGE milestone for me and the family.

Halloween just passed and you were Buzz Lightyear as well as Justin Bieber. A lot of people say you look like Justin Bieber so we did it just for fun. You had no idea who Justin Bieber was or why you were in a purple hoody, but it was damn cute.

I love you Bubba. Thanks for blessing my life and making it fun and interesting. Keep on smiling and giving out wet kisses.

Love,
Mommy

Letter to Garrett on his first birthday

Garrett,
I am a week late in writing this letter, but I suspect that in the grand scheme of things you won't hold that against me. Last week we celebrated your one-year birthday at our house in Boulder. It was a very quiet and small celebration attended by me, your dad, your sister Delaney, Nana, Pop Pop and our neighbors the Cutters. We had some fish, mac n cheese and then a lovely chocolate cake that you reveled in smashing everywhere. You received a small selection of toys and gifts from loved ones. The gift you most enjoy seems to be your big ride-on fire truck.

It's hard to believe that a year ago you came into this world, as this past year has gone by very fast. Your sister's first year did not go fast at all. In fact there were many days and months that crept by at a snail's pace. Your first year was by and large pretty effortless for everyone involved. It took me a few months to get into the swing of having two creatures around that demanded my attention. After that I feel like it was pretty smooth sailing. Delaney's first year was like a classical concert where the orchestra is warming up and experimenting with all different keys, notes, and volumes. Your first year was like the beginning of the concert where everyone is in sync. I want to thank you for making the first year of your life a very enjoyable one. It was not only relatively easy, but really fun to watch you grow. You are such a good natured fellow. I just put together a montage of a bunch of photos throughout your first year and it was almost hard to find one where your little cherub round face didn't look pleased or happy. If I had to pick one word to describe your first year I would pick happy. You were happy and the whole family was happy. I think that you made everyone's life around you better.

I'm sure you know by now that you share your birthday with your father. When I first got pregnant with you I immediately looked up our projected due date online and saw a date in late September. The first thing out of your father's mouth was "I bet he is going to come on my birthday." I never thought he was right but sure enough, when my water broke at 8pm the night before your father's birthday, he said "he's not letting me down. He's going to come on the 22nd!" I think it is wonderful that you two share a birthday. I hope that it will be a day where the two of you can be extra close through the years.

You absolutely LOVE your sister. It's been clear from a very early time that she was the apple of your eye. When you hear her voice you immediately turn in her direction. When she laughs you laugh. When she jumps you smile. When she bounces off the walls you watch in wonderment. It also helps that she loves to entertain you and show you the world. I am amazed that you actually survived your first year what with all the "care taking" that occurred. She was constantly trying to feed you, give you presents, show you how something worked, comfort you when you were crying, etc. Some of these had so much gusto that your dad and I would look at each other in fright after we had just rescued you from being carried, or dragged something out of your mouth that she had given you, etc. I have visions of the two of you getting into mischief when you are 5 and 7, and even more frightening when you are 15 and 17. You absolutely love your sister and the love you both have for each other is arguably my favorite thing in life. It brings me endless joy. It brings me the kind of joy that fills up my life jar of happiness with something so solid I am pretty sure it will never get depleted. There is no question that having two children is more work, but watching the two of you interact is so rewarding that it makes every chaotic moment worth it.

I suppose I should mention some milestones. You smiled at 6 weeks. You rolled over at 4 months. You sat up at 7 months. You ate your first baby food at 5 months and ate your first hard food at 7 months. Your first tooth came around 6 months. You took your own sweet time crawling (thank you) and finally found locomotion at 10 months. You have yet to really say a word although you have lots of sounds and love to say "uh oh". You have said "dada" and "mama" but not sure they have a real connection yet. Currently you love pointing at things and you are starting to get extremely interactive. Your favorite game is peek a boo and you have loved that game since you were about 5 months. Peek a book is such a silly little game, but you love it and I find myself playing it with you about once a day.

You have been on two plane rides, the first was to visit Nana and Pop Pop at Christmas. You took your second trip in March to San Francisco San Pancho in Mexico. We went with some friends, the Cutters, Boyds and Smiths. You were the youngest of the trip and did extremely well for most of it (save for a meltdown on the second plane ride home.) We took a long road trip in May to visit Moma and Grandpa in California. You did so well on this trip. It was 36 hours of driving (both ways) and I think you complained for maybe a half hour of the trip. All you had to occupy you were some good things to chew on and toys that make noise or light up.

You were born with lots of hair and I have had to cut it already three times. You love to smile. Your laugh is amazing and infectious. You love to be tickled. You love to be hoisted in the air. You love it when someone you know comes in the room. In fact you love company of any kind. If it's just you and I in the house, it doesn't matter if you are doing something really interesting, if I leave the room you follow me. Your sister followed because she wanted my attention. You follow because you want the company. A room filled with the family is your favorite place. You would never leave a room where all of your loved ones are hanging out.

This letter is definitely making you out to be something of an angelic figure, but there were times where you struggled or made life hard in the first year. You have not been a great eater and have made eating time an utter mess. You love to bat spoons out of people's hands and also love to throw all of your food on the floor. You spit up for most of your first 9 months and I mean a LOT of spit up. Our carpets and furniture will never be the same. And your sleep has been sporadic at times as you refuse to nap on schedule or occasionally do not sleep through the night. And one thing you share with your sister is your extreme pain and fussiness around teething. But most of those things are manageable and I am sure I will forget them over time.

You have been spending a few days a week at the Acorn school with your teachers Debbie and Liz since you were four months old. Just recently you started going full time so that I could go back to school and get a teaching credential. There have been many times when I picked you up at school where one of the staff pulled me aside to say how much they love you and either a), want to take you home, or b), want another child. Heck there was even a brief moment where I thought I might want another one, but I feel so complete with you and Delaney that I couldn't imagine adding another personality to the mix.

You love cars and any kind of toy that has wheels. Your favorite toys over the course of the year were your plastic rings, anything that crinkled, plastic cups, cars, and big items that you could bang to make a noise.

If I had to make a prediction now about what kind of boy and man you will become, I would venture that it will involve your kind and easy going personality. I think you will be sensitive and also a lot of fun. I think you will work with people and find ways to improve their lives. But only time will tell.

I'm looking forward to your first steps and your first words that are just around the corner. And to many more fun games, snuggles, laughs, giggles, and lots of time for me to teach you about the world. Thank you Garrett for being such a cool dude and laid back pal for the last year. I am looking forward to being a part of your life. You're the best, G Love, G Money, Garretty, G-rific, Geej, and Bubba.

Happy 1 year birthday, G Love

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

On the move

Garrett has started crawling.

I'm very sad about it.

We were just getting into a groove, darnit! Now I'm going to be chasing that little bugger around everywhere, pulling cat food out of his mouth, and Delaney's toys, and pieces of paper, and dog chews, and you name it.

Couldn't he stay put until a year?!?

General goings-on update

I guess it's true what they say about habits. I have gotten out of the habit of updating this, and lo and behold I've almost stopped posting!

So here is a general update on our life and I have started some writing about various childhood topics like sleeping and discipline. I hope for them to be a "series" of writings with my .02 cents on such tough and interesting topics to me.

The biggest news around here is that I am done breastfeeding. FOREVER! I started weaning Garrett about 3 months ago (yes, you should be laughing) and finally closed the door about a week and a half ago. I don't know why it was so darn hard for me to close this chapter with him but it was.

I will give you a little background on nursing for me. I really struggled to do it with both children for different reasons. In both of my childrens first month I struggled to get through my days, and one of the big reasons was the struggle to nurse. I had almost every breastfeeding problem in the book (undersupply was the only one off the list). But my determination and guilt propelled me to stick with it and persevere. I can't really say I ever LOVED the act of breastfeeding as an act. Pulling up my shirt, unhooking a bra and having a little child tug at a very intimate part of my body was never what I would call "fun". It was satisfying in the sense that I was providing for them and each time it was like I could pat myself on the back because I was providing them with something that was supposedly the best for them. But honestly I get a nice sense of providing by giving my children bottles as well. I see them eating, I am providing it for them, and they are happy. So I guess you would probably ask why would I nurse if I didn't really enjoy it? GUILT. Lots and lots of mom guilt.

I probably could go on and on about the pros and cons of breastfeeding and what I think has happened in our current day to drive the craze and guilt around breastfeeding. I am not saying I am a victim of my guilt, but I definitely admit to having guilt issues around just about everything in my life (one of my personal challenges I hope to work on over the next decade) and when you are prone to guilt it's hard to not get sucked in to the vortex of breastfeeding.

Garrett has been sick for the last 7 weeks with a low grade shitty illness (LGSI). It's not bad enough to warrant a fever, or stomach upset, etc. But crappy enough to make him a little miserable, make him not want to eat or sleep as much, and more fussy and crying behavior. I even put him on antibiotics because the docs were stumped and figured it had to be a sinus infection (which they officially can't tell if you actually have when you're 8 months old). This illness was poorly timed with my weaning and as a result Garrett has been Grade A fussy about taking bottles. Who knows if it's the illness, or the weaning, or both. But then it got me to thinking that maybe he just never really ate that much when he was nursing. He only used to eat on one side at a time and even though I know how much my breasts could produce based on my extensive (i.e. really annoying) pumping schedule. So maybe I think he's rebelling about the bottles but really he's still getting what he used to on a day where he was nursing?!? ONE STRIKE AGAINST NURSING -- you never REALLY know how much your little one is nursing.

But Garrett seems to be slowly improving even though the substances that come out of his nose are terrifyingly gross. And on another note, I AM SO F'ING READY FOR FLUIDS TO START LEAKING OUT OF HIM! He is either spitting up, puking, draining mucous, peeing or pooping. Really. I can list a lot of great things about my baby boy, but the process of cleaning up all of those fluids is not one of them. At the end of the day it's all I can do to not want to rub my body with bleach along with my entire house. I don't even want to tell you how many surfaces (some not cleanable) in my house have been graced with regurgitated milk or formula. So so so much fun. On really good days I am cleaning up his mess and also dealing with Delaney accidentally peeing all over something. Good fun. I had dinner with a friend of mine in the bay area recently and she told me something that absolutely amazed me. Her kids are 5 and 7 and she said she was in a "good stage of life" simply because she had NO IDEA when her kids pooped. Now I know everyone tells me ad nauseum that I am supposed to enjoy the moment. But really. I am really looking forward to that day. Then it's just back to worrying and thinking about my poops. My poops have been so neglected due to the fact that I am forced to clean and think about my childrens poops. Can I say poop ONE more time in this post? Maybe. I'll work on it.

Delaney is still trying and testing us at most turns in life. And she can turn on a dime. One minute she is adorable and without even hesitating she turns into a kid on Super Nanny. Yesterday I was home with both kids and we had an amazing day together despite the weather that kept us inside. But right when Kevin said that dinner was ready she started throwing her toys and came at me with the toy knife she was using to cut her velcro vegetables (Melissa and Doug plus). WTF. One minute nice. The next coming at me with a knife. Some days I really wish there was a boarding school for toddlers. She is running in a kids run race tonight and I hope to post video or pics soon.

I am taking my Praxis teaching certification exam this Saturday and based on some practice tests I muddled through this week, I could be in trouble. I am dusting off my brain and trying to remember things like mitosis, seafloor spreading, zygotes, isotopes, Pythagoreum thereom, allegory, Thomas Paine, protons, neutrons, kinetic energy, fractions, the Magna Carta, and, well, you pretty much get the drift. Better get to some more studying.

School almost done

Thursday marks the official close of my spring semester. Phew. I can honestly say that the last 3 months have been the busiest, and arguably, the most stressful of my life. I am not really sure how I managed to keep all of the balls in the air that I did. Now I can focus on summer, my kids and my job. I am taking one online course over the summer but that should be reasonably easy and I am not going to start that until June.

Next week we leave for our big trip to California which will be great because I actually get more than a few days there and can see most if not all of my friends. Kevin is making the drive out with me and I will be making the drive back with my Dad. So at least I won't be doing it with two kiddos by myself.

I am starting to get concerned about this swine flu thing. Given that both of my kids are in school/daycare it seems like if a case breaks out anywhere near there that it could be terrible. No cases have been found in Colorado yet but I have to admit I am watching the stories with anxious fear. Silly, probably, but these types of things cause me to worry.

Delaney turns 3 this Sunday. I cannot believe she is turning 3! Crazy. I am hoping to write her a letter this week and post it on here because we have definitely gone through some changes over the last few months since I wrote to her last.

Kevin was gone for two weeks in China and it nearly killed. Even though my Mom was here to help it still nearly killed me. I had so many projects, papers, and school work to complete all the while trying to keep up my 20 hours at work. It was a really bad two weeks. I am hoping that Delaney acts a little better when we are in California because it was very embarrassing to see her behave like an out-of-control brat when she was here. If 3 is full of behavior like that I am not sure I want her to turn 3. A friend of mine recently told me that her oldest child didn't throw tantrums. Ever. How can that be?!? Delaney started throwing tantrums at 9 months and hasn't looked back. She could be a professional tantrum-thrower.

Garrett is teething and fussier than usual. He is finally sitting up, he did that right about at 7 months. He still doesn't roll over or show any interest in being mobile. I LOVE that about him. He is so content to just sit and be. Yeah Garrett! Two days ago his babbles took on a different sound as he is repeating ga-ga-ga-ga-ga and da-da-da-da-da and ya-ya-ya-ya. It's really cute.

I hope to be able to get back to more regular posting now that my school work is over. I am also looking forward to getting back a clean and organized house, and being able to work out more than once every two weeks. Come on, summer!

Happy 4 Month Birthday G Love

January 22, 2009

You turn four months old today. Wow. Your first months here have absolutely flown by so quickly it definitely makes me a bit sad.

I am writing you this letter, and hopefully lots of future letters, to help you understand what you were like as a baby and child. My parents have some memories of me as a child but I think I would have liked to know more about my life as an infant. If my current memory is any example, I need to write this all down or you will never know what it was like to be you as a baby.

Where do I start? You came into this world very peacefully and you were absolutely gorgeous. You were fussier than I would have liked in your first month, especially in the first two weeks, but you were still a lot easier than your big sister and for that we were grateful. I will try to avoid making your letters a list of comparisons as to how you are different (and ultimately easier) than your sister, but since our only frame of reference was her, it's important to note that you have done almost absolutely nothing like your sister did.

Your grandmother, Marilou, who likes to be called Moma, came out to Colorado a few days after you were born and stayed for two weeks. She was amazing with you and helped me so much. I hope that you will get to spend lots of time with her as you get older because she is an amazing person. She nurtured you, rocked you, held the pacifier in your mouth and stayed up all night long with you to help me out. She really loves you and it warmed my heart to share you with her in those first few weeks. In fact, even though the first two weeks of your life were absolutely miserable for me on a physical level, I don't ever want to forget it because my mom and I were a team taking care of you. It brought us closer and her a lot closer to you. In retrospect it was a very special time.

You have also spent a fair amount of time with your dad's parents, Nana and Pop-pop. They came out to visit you pretty early in your life and we went to see them in California at Christmas. They love you so much and are amazing grandparents.

I had hoped that you would sleep in our bed or room for at least the first 3 months of your life, as I had this vision of you and I bonding over cuddles and sleeps. But you were content to be awake at all hours of the night so I had to sleep elsewhere with you in order to not keep everyone awake. And then at four weeks of age I hit my limit of only sleeping only a few hours a night and I had to put you in your bassinet and retreat to my room without you. To this day you are still a very noisy and restless sleeper and having me around you doesn't make it any easier on you. And once I get sleep it's much easier to be a good mommy to you all day long so I think we learned early on that you did best sleeping by yourself.

You struggled with nursing at first, and specifically with latching on, but eventually got the hang of it. You have always been a very efficient eater, although a lot of what you eat tends to come back out throughout the day. You are somewhat of a geyser in that you are always spitting up or drooling. You used to puke a lot too, but once I stopped feeding you on both sides that stopped, thankfully. Very often we both spend our day covered in your spit-up. I know it's not very glamorous or interesting, but you need to know that a lot of my job over the last few months has included finding ways to keep us both dry.

The most important thing I can tell you about your infant life is that you are generally a very happy and easy-going little boy. I am hoping this continues throughout your life because I think I needed a mellow second child to counteract the whirling dervish that I produced first (your loving big sister, Delaney). You love to smile and it is SO easy to get you to smile. It doesn't matter if it's me or someone at the grocery store, if someone is showing you a smile you almost always smile back. And your mouth gets huge when you smile, into this big round O and even the most Grinchiest of Grinches would have a hard time not being happy looking at you when you smile. I absolutely love that you smile so big and so much. And you even laugh this cute little noise that is almost like you're sucking back in your breath. But it's clear that it's a laugh.

Along the lines of laughing, you are extremely ticklish and sensitive to the touch. One of the easiest ways to get you to smile and laugh is to tickle your chest and belly. You seem to love it and I also love that you laughed this early. Your sister didn't laugh until she was almost a year old and it worried me to no end. But not you... my little happy guy.

And as far as the easy-going thing, well, the best way I can describe it is that you are always ready to "go with the flow". You had no problem being carted around anywhere and everywhere that your sister wanted to go, sleeping in the car, sleeping in your stroller, sleeping in your car seat even after we pulled it out of the car. Different faces and caretakers do not seem to phase you. Wet or poopy diapers don't bother you. Being left alone in your Gymini to kick and swing your arms is fine with you. I think one of my biggest challenges with you is going to be making sure you get enough attention since you don't call out for it very much. We'll need to have a talk with your sister about that one...

You seem to be a pretty good sleeper too as you take great naps during the day and are starting to put in very long stretches at night. A week ago you did your first 12-hour straight mark and I was thrilled. Good sleep for you, good sleep for me, and everyone's happy!

There are a couple of things that I really want to remember from your early days and they are so precious that it makes me cry to even think of them. Somehow, early on in your life, I got in the habit of holding hands with you when I am feeding you. Obviously not conventionally like adults do, but you will grab ahold of my thumb or second finger and grip it very hard during the whole meal. You wave your arm around but you still keep ahold of my hand very tightly. Now you will even reach for it as soon as I lay you down to nurse as I think it has become something of a habit for both of us. In the middle of the night your hands get very cold and I love that over the course of the 20 minutes I spend with you that I feel your little tiny hand warming up on mine. It's such a simple thing, I know, it probably sounds so inconsequential to you that I'm focusing so much on this little thing. But I love it. I look forward to it and it melts my heart every time we do it. I feel like a part of my soul is coming through my hands to you. A little bit of warmth, a little bit of love and a lot of comfort. I know that's dramatic, but I feel it and it's real. Maybe it's because babies are so helpless and very often they don't respond or communicate in many ways. Somehow I feel like this is how we have best communicated over the last four months. By holding hands.

One other thing is that you do this adorable, cute, and precious thing where you sigh these contented breaths when you are close to done nursing. It lets me know that you are almost done and also I can tell that you are content. It's peaceful, rhythmic and really really cute. It's one of those things that I didn't pay much attention to at first and probably didn't even notice for a while. But after a while I started noticing it and now I find myself looking forward to your sighs. It strikes me as an All Star Baby Noise, almost as good of a sound as your laugh.

And lastly, I love how you kick and swing your arms. It's not angry, or frustrated, or because you are frustrated that you couldn't be doing more. It's one of the ways you show your happiness. By kicking and waving your arms. You often do these little fun grunts while you are doing your exercises and I love that too.

There have been tough moments in your first months, like, a severe lack of sleep for me, gas pains for you, diaper blow-outs, puking, fevers, colds, ear infections (thanks Delaney!), times where you had to cry because I had to do something for your big sister, times where you had to be carted out in the Colorado cold to run an errand or visit the doc. But it has been an absolutely amazing first few months with you. I cherish every bit of time I spend with you and most days I do not feel overwhelmed at having to care for you (I have a tendency to feel overwhelmed, so that is why this is significant). Days pass so quickly when it's just you and I. I didn't even crave a break or escape to go work out (VERY unlike me). Taking care of you is an absolute joy. I feel thankful that you are here in my life and very, very blessed.

I have this little underlying suspicion that you and I are going to be very close. Certainly a different kind of closeness than I have with your big sis (not better or worse, just much different). I can already tell it will be different. But I think and hope that our relationship will be wonderful, warm, loving, and deep. At least if these first few months are any indication, it will be that way.

Here's to you Garrett. G love. Little G. Little brother. Little kicker. Spitty-up-ickus. I love you with every little piece of my heart.

Love,
Mom

Twelve beautiful hours

Garrett pulled one out on Saturday night. Twelve beautiful hours of uninterrupted sleep. He has a bit of a cold so I think some of his sleeping powers are attributed to him feeling under the weather, but now I know he can do it. I put him down to sleep at 7:15 and he did not stir to eat until 7:30 the next morning. Can you say AWESOME, BABY?!? I was in the best mood all day yesterday. That, combined with the fact that it's been spring in January here for the last 4 days, made for one happy Courtney all weekend.

Last night he pulled out 10 straight hours. So even though it wasn't a complete night, I am finally starting to get long straight blocks of sleep.

I love that little guy. He is absolutely the best.

G Love

Little Garrett has acquired a few different nicknames. G man, G love, Bubba and little guy seem to be our favorites.

He had his first week of daycare this week and did amazingly well with the transition. It is just another thing that he has chosen to approach very differently than his sister did at this age. Her first week was awful. She didn't sleep, didn't eat and got sick. Garrett... well... he's been sleeping like a rock star, eating like a champ, and by all accounts the celebrity of the Acorn School this week. Deb, one of his "cuddlers" told me today that they still have yet to hear him cry even one peep. I get this feeling like they don't want me to take him home when I arrive there. A few other teachers have told me that they've come by to hold him and there has been a line of Garrett fans waiting for their turn.

He is, very simply, the best. It's pretty ridiculous how many times a day either Kevin or I says "he is so great", or "he is so cute", or "he is the best", or "he is so chill". It's almost embarassing how much we say those types of things.

Here's to you G love. For making the transition back to the real world easy on your tired old Mom.

A few photos from our Christmas trip...

Expectations

A number of people have inquired about the difficulty of our "two young children" household and how it compares to my expectations. So, for example, what things have been harder or easier than expected. I haven't quite figured out all of those answers and I have no doubt that the answers will change a lot over the next year.

Keep in mind that there are a number of things not on this list that I had thought would be very difficult, like, Delaney's tantrums, cries for attention, breastfeeding Garrett, finding time to get out and exercise, finding time to connect with my husband, and more.

But for starters....

HARDER THAN EXPECTED: At first it was the lack of sleep. I remembered it from the first time and for some crazy reason I think the lack of sleep was harder this time. I felt overwhelmed by the lack of sleep on Day 2 of Garrett's life and for whatever reason I don't remember it hitting that quickly with Delaney. Maybe I was able to do more daytime sleeping the first time around? Maybe I actually got less of it this time around? Or maybe as I get older the toll of no sleep is harder on me? So sleep is the first one.

The second was just how annoyed and frustrated I was with Delaney in those first few weeks. It's improved immensely since then but those first few weeks I couldn't stand to be around this crazy storm of energy and tantrums. Her neediness really annoyed me to the point where I wanted to move somewhere else so I wouldn't have to hear her complaining. The other side effect of that was how hard it would be to switch energies between the two children. On the one hand here was this adorable tiny little creature that just needed to be held and fed. The energy needed for that was completely different than the energy required to be around Delaney and keep her occupied. Thank goodness for Kevin and my mom in those first weeks because they really did an amazing job of keeping up with her energy while I was able to get into a zen rhythm with Garrett.

And, most recently, I would say what constantly challenges me with being difficult is keeping the house together on the days where I have two of them. It seems nearly impossible to do it some days and I have had to really lower my expectations of myself on those days.

And lastly, what is really hard is going out places with both and how it takes me forever to recover from doing that. Being out isn't that hard but it's the recovery process that seems to overwhelm me. Often when we come home I am frantically occupied with getting everyone and everything out of the car. It seems to take a long time to get them both situated in the house, take off coats and shoes, wash our hands, put away diaper bags, coats, sippies, snacks and whatever it is we may have purchased while out (groceries are really hard), catch up with feeding Garrett, and more. We did a big grocery store trip once and I swear it took me 3 hours to feel like there was no evidence that we had made that trip.


EASIER THAN EXPECTED: I think the most obvious one is just how EASY Garrett is when it's just he and I. Our solo days are like this picture perfect day of relaxation. We don't have a schedule and we both do great just rolling with the "free form" nature of our days. I am not the least bit stressed or unsatisfied with those days. Since I didn't have those with Delaney I guess now I understand just how EASY little newborns can be and how much fun it is take care of one.

That's all for now, I'm sure I'll have more soon.

Mish mash

This morning I woke up at it was -3 degrees outside. Yesterday it did not get any warmer than 25 degrees. I watched the weather this morning only to be dismayed at the prospect that it is not supposed to be any warmer than 35 degrees for the next 6 days. Mark it, note it, kick it off. This will be my first post in what I can only guess will be a bunch of posts about the cold weather and it's toll on my California bones. Brrr.. I am looking forward to spending 6 days in California next week.

I think I have my third case of mastitis, which is mighty unfortunate (the first two were with Delaney). I called the doc this morning and they are going to call in a prescription for me today. I woke up at 2am chilled to the bone and a high fever and have other symptoms that would be boring for most people, even other women who have breastfed. I guess I am just prone to this annoying infection.

We had a great weekend and on Saturday night I got to have a night out with friends without any children. It was our annual book club party, which is very similar to our book club meetings only this time husbands can attend. And there is a hilarious white elephant gift exchange which always brings much cheer. The only bummer was that we happened to come home with two stinker gifts... "Cleveland in a Box" board game and a Paper Voodoo kit. Even though I still had to scurry home in the middle of the party to feed Garrett and put him down I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 hours away WITHOUT any spit up on me.

Which brings me to spit up... I feel like I live in a world of spit up. I get spit up on about 5 times a day. Sometimes it's just a dribble and other times it's a half cup full. Sometimes it's on my shirt, sometimes on my pants, and my favorite is in my hair. Our son spits up a lot. Apparently most newbies grow out of this between 7-9 months. Bummer. That's 4-6 more months of doing umpteen loads of laundry because he and I are both changing our clothes at least once a day. Delaney was not a spitter upper and instead the bigger deal with her was diaper blowouts. Believe it or not we have only had about 3 blowouts with Garrett in his first 3 months. I vaguely remember having blowouts with D about every two days. I guess if it's not one orifice exploding fluids it's the other.

Garrett is doing great otherwise and most nights he is doing very well with his sleep. We regressed a while back and he still has his nights of waking twice, but by and large he only awakes once to feed. Last night I had to get out a warm compress and also do some pumping so I had to turn a small light on. Normally I keep it as quiet and dark as possible for our nighttime feeds. But given that there was a light on once he finished feeding he decided it was cooing social hour. He was smiling, cooing, gooing and generally having a party in his room at 3:30am. Even though I was tired, feverish and achy from the mastitis it was hard not to enjoy his playfulness for a few minutes. I know I get annoyed about the newborn sleeplessness but I did realize that pretty soon these moments will be gone. He seems so unbearably sweet at this time in his life. Contrast this to my willful toddler and I am reminding myself to enjoy this time with my precious little newbie.

Some things that I love about Garrett... I love that he will now pretty much smile on command. And I love that he has little to no control over his limbs. He moves his arms up and down with wild abandon and clearly has no control over where they are going. You can tell he wants to move them somewhere intentional but he can't muster the coordination just yet. It seems to me it's the ultimate little newborn move. He wants something or feels excitement and the only thing he can do is move his arms up and down in excitement. I've even seen him whack himself in the face unintentionally. Same with his legs...kick kick kick. I put him on the couch and just watch the little guy get his exercise. It's ridiculously cute.

He has also started to find his hand and fingers for sucking enjoyment. He sucks so loudly on them that you can hear it from the next room. My guess is that he will become a thumb sucker just like his sister but I suppose only time will tell.

I have started using consequences with Delaney and it seems to be working quite well. Since time outs work only moderately effectively for Delaney a few friends started suggesting removing items of hers that are important (but not too important, like a lovey). I have had to threaten twice to take a privilege away only to have her buck up and start listening. It seems to be working for now which is nice.

This week we have Kevin's Christmas party on Wednesday night and a holiday part at our friends brewery on Thursday. Then Saturday night is Lara's annual birthday fiesta at Sushi Zanmia. So we have THREE nights out scheduled this week. Look out... it's almost like we're entering the world of adulthood again.

2 month check-up

Garrett had his 2-month check-up today and everything went well. He is 12 pounds, 6 ounces which puts him about 75th percentile. I can't remember the other two measurements, but he is between 50 and 75th percentile with everything. Which means he is getting enough food, despite his constant spitting up and occasional puking. I was telling her that I pretty much can only feed him on one side because if I ever do both sides it is instant pukage. She said not to worry, that whatever I'm doing is working, and to just keep doing it. :)

Dr. K was laughing at me because I was asking her when Garrett could be expected to sleep longer durations and when I could get him on a daytime schedule. She chuckled and said "ok, second child mom, you need to chill out and just enjoy your babe!". Ha. Am I wrong to look forward to those things? After explaining my frustrations that Garrett seems to have a built-in 4am alarm clock, she said "be glad it's a 4am alarm clock and not a midnight, 2am and 4am alarm clock!". We've put him down at 9pm, 9:30, 10pm and once I even fed him at midnight only to still have him wake up at 4am. What happened to those two magical nights where he pushed it to 5am or 6am?!??

Needless to say I think we are going to try and start inching back his bedtime to get him down a bit earlier to see if he could still make it to 4am. We'll try to do that this weekend when we don't have anything pressing the next day, just in case I am up a bunch of times as a result of our experiment.

And apparently schedules during the day don't really happen until between 3-4 months (they can come later, too, if you aren't looking to get your child on a schedule).

I was laughing at myself as I was walking out of the doc office and thinking that I was definitely jumping a bit ahead of myself here. Next thing you know I'll be wondering when he can start riding a bike fer cryin out loud. I mean, he moves his legs a lot, shouldn't he be able to get on one of those pedal bikes?!?

We are thrilled about Thanksgiving as we are going over to Jasper's house (Delaney's true love) and there will be a few other families there from the Acorn School. Should be fun to let the kids run around like crazies while we get to socialize with each other. Our neighbors are having a party on Thursday morning and then other neighbors are throwing one on Friday. Should be a fun weekend.

Yeah for a healthy babe and Thanksgiving weekend. All is good.

Second children

As I have mentioned a while back, Garrett is infinitely easier as a baby than his big sister Delaney. I think the gap of fussyness is larger than most gaps between first and second children, but it seems a generality that most second children are more easygoing than the first. I've heard a number of theories thrown out there for this phenomenom, but the one I hear most consistently is that the parents are more relaxed and therefore you know how better to handle an infant.

Could this be the main reason why second children are easier? I am not sure this can be true in our situation. I was arguably more stressed being pregnant and in the first few weeks of Garrett's life than I was Delaney's. Through Delaney's pregnancy I was generally happy and excited about the cooing and sweet newborn that I expected would come my way. Then out she came, spitfire cries and all, and I was convinced it would go away quickly. Because everyone has sweet little newborns that sleep all day, and I was sure she would come around. Ha! I think finally around week 2 I realized it was official and we had a colicky baby.

Now with Garrett's pregnancy I was emotional, moody and worried that we would create another colick nightmare. And even in the first few weeks when he would cry I would jump to conclusions that the colick man had arrived and we were stuck.

But he is SO much easier than his big sister, so much so that I feel guilty even talking about how wonderful he is as a baby because we did none of that with Delaney. I know it wasn't her fault but there is no doubt that we are both more affectionate and feel more love towards Garrett in these early weeks. Don't get me wrong, we loved Delaney from the start, but there wasn't a lot of time to talk about how much we loved her since we could barely hear each other over her crying.

So if that theory of "relaxedness" (I'm sure that's a word) is true then we have bucked the trend.

I can't say I'm complaining about it, however it came true. I'm just glad that someone took pity on me somewhere and blessed me, despite my stressing hormones, with a pretty chill babe.

Speaking of, gotta go feed the little man. :)

Serious cuteness

Delaney went to school today in one of the cutest outfits she's ever had on. I love that recently she has come to letting me put her in dresses. This comes after a full year of her absolutely REFUSING to wear anything girly. Who knows with this one...








and here is one that's not great quality of the little man, but it's from last night so it's recent.

Trying to freshen up the blog

I'm trying to add some new pics to the left hand column, and make some updates to the content. Who knew this could consume so much time?!?

I am loving life today as a mom, loving my casual day with Garrett. Aside from a puking incident from G Love (my new name for him) about 2 hours ago, it's been an all together CHILL day. I'm wondering how it's possible that it's already 1pm?!?!

We had a great weekend as a fam. Saturday Kevin and I both got to workout and enjoy the mild Colorado fall weather. We watched a bunch of football both days, and also went on a family run with the double stroller on Sunday. I'm wondering how, with all of this activity and exercise I'm getting, it's possible that I still have a huge stomach pooch?!? This weight-loss thing is going to be even harder this time around, I can see that now.

The big update on our lives over the weekend, however, is that Delaney officially moved into her big girl room AND bed without a hitch. Two naps, and two overnight sleeps and I'm prepared to say that it was much easier than I had anticipated. She still calls for us to come and get her and her sleep has not been affected as of yet. Yeah!

Now on to that pesky little potty training thing....

Busy, turning a corner, visitors

Let's see. I haven't posted an update in a while.

Just after Garrett's one month appointment, he caught a little virus that had us visiting the doctor daily for 4 days. His fever didn't go much about 100 degrees, but since he is still so little and young, the docs always want to be as cautious as possible. His sleep definitely regressed during this period and he was more lethargic than usual during the night. If he had been one week younger they would have automatically admitted him to the hospital for two nights. I'm glad we just made it out of that window. He seemed to rally through the illness with little issue and I suspect that he will end up having an even more rock solid immune system than his sister given that he is exposed to tons of germs (from his sister) every day.

Then Jo and Bob (Pop pop and Nana) came for a visit. They were both here for 4 days and then Jo stayed on for an additional 6 days. It was great to get some grandparental help around the house and I think they enjoyed getting to know their grandson.

Garrett is doing really well and seems to be getting more chill by the day. He has fussy moments, and usually it's at its worst during dinner, but he is SO so much easier than his big sister that it seems downright easy to take care of him. The days that it's just he and I are wonderful and I get to fully enjoy spending time with the little fella. I feel like I am finally getting the newborn/infant experience that I wanted. Yeah! He is still gassy and you can tell that it's gas that's bothering him a lot of the time. From what I hear this almost always resolves itself by 4 months, sometimes between 8 and 12 weeks. Hopefully for his sake it will resolve sooner than later.

Garrett spits up and pukes more than Delaney did, which leads me to believe he inherited more of his dad's stomach. Delaney almost never spit up or puked and has also avoided a lot of the stomach ailments that have plagued a lot of her classmates. This is similar to my typically rock solid gut. But Garrett... just last night I was feeding him and noticed he was having a particularly good feed. Well, just after having thought that I got a few cups of recently drank breastmilk regurgitated all over me, the boppy, him and the couch. Since Kevin generally has a more sensitive stomach I think maybe they are more similar.

Halloween was great. Delaney seemed to relish in trick or treating, and especially liked going down to Pearl Street where a lot of the storefronts open up to kid trick or treaters and the place is jam packed with kids in costume. She was Elmo this year and I hope to post some pics soon.

Delaney is still as feisty as ever and can be a handful when it's just the three of us. While Nana was here I got to get out with just her and enjoy a few mornings of girl bonding which was fun. She is still way more emotional than usual and we are getting a bit more tantrums and acting out than we used to, I sure hope that will start to settle down soon. I can tell she loves her little brother and is always trying to help me take care of him by bringing him pacifiers, blankets, spit up rags, her toys, etc. It's very sweet but I definitely have to keep an eye on her around him because sometimes she gets a bit overzealous in her affection and caretaking.

My parents are due here in Boulder tomorrow for a quick 3-day visit. I am thrilled to have my mom back and my dad gets to meet Garrett for the first time. I have a bunch of projects queued up for my dad and we are also planning on getting out for dinner and on a separate night, a movie. I definitely miss going to movies. I have also scheduled a massage, a nail appointment and a few trips to the gym. Woo-hoo, I will definitely get some great "me" time this week.

We still have yet to get our first snow in Boulder, although there have been a few days where it threatened. They said on the news the record latest day for snow here is November 15 and we are potentially poised to break it this year. I can't say I'm complaining.

Garrett's sleep has improved enormously since we put him in his own room. He took a step back when we had to put him back in our room because of our visitors, but I was relieved to see that as soon as he got his own room back he started to put in some good straight hours of sleep again. On Saturday night he slept for 6.5 straight hours. And then 3.5 hours after that stretch, which meant I was only up once with him in the middle of the night. I am hoping this means he will be as good of a nighttime sleeper as his sister. It does seem clear that him having his own quiet space makes a difference. With those kind of good sleep nights it feels like we are turning a bit of a corner on the newborn daze.

I think that's most of my update and hopefully now that out visitor schedule is settling down I'll be able to get back on here more and post some pics and updates. Today's project is finishing Garrett's birth announcement.

One month check-up

We took Garrett to his one-month check up yesterday and he is 10 pounds 9 ounces. So that means he gained a pound a week for the last 3 weeks. Yeah! All of that time on the couch breastfeeding has done some good. :)

And the pediatrician counseled me not to change my diet, Garrett doesn't have reflux, and his gas issues will work themselves out over the next few weeks or months. So we just have to be patient there.

We all got flu shots (except Garrett) and Delaney didn't even flinch or cry! Brave girl.

Off to hang with my man for the day. :)

Broken

On Saturday night, we hit two milestones with baby Garrett. The first was that I fed him at 8:30pm and he didn't awake to be fed until just after 2am. That means he revealed that he can go 6 hours without food. Yahoo! That same night he managed to keep me awake from 2am to 6am. I had a little breakdown at 6am and decided that I was simply going to put Garrett in his bassinet and I retreated to our bedroom. I have not been sleeping in our bedroom since Garrett was born since I felt like it didn't make sense to keep Kevin AND I awake with Garrett. I miss our bedroom, our sheets and our bed very much.

So I retreated to our room and put my blinders on and shoved some earplugs in my ears. I figured Kevin would be awake pretty shortly and if he was crying uncontrollably Kevin could appease Garrett.

Kevin awoke and saw me in our bed and figured that Garrett was so calm I decided to sleep in our room. Ha! When Kevin finally roused me awake at 8am I notified him that I was broken. Garrett had broken me. 4 weeks of not sleeping had me frazzled, worn and emotional. I was starting to hate my life and really resent our child. I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I would from here on out be sleeping in our room and Garrett will be sleeping (or crying) in a different room. We made this decision pretty early on with Delaney as well but mostly this was because she was so uncontrollably fussy during the day that sleeping at night was our only survival mechanism. Garrett is much easier during the day, but it turns out that not sleeping for 4 straight weeks does terrible things to your body and mindset. Honestly I felt like if I didn't make a change that I would go insane and likely leave this family. I not exaggerating. I am cranky, tired, pale, malnourished, impatient and lethargic. I am pretty sure most of this is due to night after night with only 3-5 hours of sleep.

Anyway... I had some pretty guilty thoughts yesterday about letting such a little child cry it out and taking the tough love approach. But I really felt like I had no choice. Friends and acquaintances often comment on how well Delaney approaches sleep and how easy she is to put to bed. A big part of this is because of how fussy she was as an infant and how, basically, she trained us to leave her alone at the end of the day. I often tell people that I think in some ways our children train and mold us for what they need, at least I justify our bedtime approach with her that way.

So maybe this was Garrett's way of telling me that he needs to sleep alone. I had visions of us sharing a bed and space for months, and having a calm baby who would like to snuggle and would peacefully drift off to sleep as I nursed him. I honestly didn't care how often I had to nurse him and was prepared to be at it every 2 hours or more if needed. So many of my friends have relayed this type of experience with me and I felt like this was going to be my shot at it.

Sigh... it looks like that vision or expectation is broken. Last night we took the first cry it out approach and I must admit that today I am a completely different person. He went to bed at 10pm, awoke around 2am when I fed him, I put him back in the other room and he awoke again at 5am. I fed him again and promptly put him back in the other room. At 8am I finally got up to start my day and feed him. I will sheepishly admit that I have no idea if he was wailing, flailing, TO'd or calm during any of those sleeping hours between 2am and 8am. Because I was peacefully adrift in some much needed REM in my own bed and in my own sheets (with the monitor turned down so much it was nearly off). And yeah, as you can imagine, there is some guilt flowing around my head today but given how amazing my body felt this morning those guilty feelings are far overpowered. I am not going back.

So far with both kids home today things have been going well. I have more patience with Delaney, she seems to be in great spirits and life seems manageable. I guess this is the newborn experience I was meant to witness.

Looking for roommates?!?

I have two potential roommates to offer up, in case you are looking for some company.

Roommate #1 -- 2.5 years old, sometimes cantankerous and defiant, likes to push buttons, get things out and refuses to put anything away, eats only a few different things and changes her mind frequently about what those few things are, spills lots of milk and food on the table and floor, resists going to sleep at all costs, carries lots and lots of germs (like hand/foot/mouth, pink eye, head lice, runny noses, etc), addicted to Sesame Street, will only wear what she wants when she wants and that changes on an hourly basis, often wears 2-4 outfits in a day and gets them all dirty, still wearing diapers, refuses to take off pajamas in the morning, puts her thumb in her mouth when you'd like to talk with her, trips and falls regularly resulting in many cries and needs for instant comfort through boo-boo duck/elephant/fishy, insists on wearing band-aids even when she doesn't need them, wants to take baths on days where she doesn't need one and refuses to take baths on days where she really needs them, wants to go to the park all the time and once we get there she wants to go home, hopelessly in love with her classmate Jasper, and OCCASIONALLY will give out a hug and say she loves you.

Roommate #2 -- Pretty much all roommate #2 can offer is sleeping, crying and eating. Lots and lots of dirty diapers, spit up, occasional puking from overeating, changes outfits about 3-4 times a day, requires you to do laundry at least every other day, and here is the BEST part. Most nights is awake and fussing for 2-5 hours. Usually this happens between 2am and 7am. Occasionally there will be a good night and good day, but that is really just a mind game to give you hope that things are changing, when in reality most of life and future days will be spent without sleep and crying. This one needs a home quick due to the fact that his current caretaker and roommate is losing her mind and wants to run away from her house and life as a result of no sleep.

Sleep deprivation

Last night was a rough night. A rough night for Garrett, and thus, by default, a rough night for me. He seems to have this terrible stomach/gas issue that keeps him up on a regular basis. He has gas and seems like he's trying to push out poops. I have tried every trick in the book... moving his legs, putting him on his stomach, burping, the Happy Tummi, Gripe water, Mylicon, you name it. But it still keeps him up at night. I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take and I feel like his "condition" is bad enough that it might even warrant a trip to the doctor. He's doing a lot of spitting up, and even some puking, so maybe he has reflux?!? I think they occasionally do prescribe something for reflux. I think he was awake and in discomfort from about 1am until 5am.

I dunno. All I know is that yesterday day, and last night, were not good and I feel like we all took a lot of steps back in the sleeping progression. Tuesday was a great day. But today I feel like a zombie. Thankfully Delaney is in school today. I don't know what I would have done if I had them both today on 3 hours of sleep. Next time he decides to actually nap I will definitely be joining him.

This newborn stuff REALLY isn't easy. I greatly admire those that choose to have more than 2 children, because this is really pushing me to the limit.