Because we're girls....

There are lots of things to love about Delaney these days. We went through a hard patch for a few months after little G was born, but it seems like she is hitting her rhythm now as a big sister. And I'm getting more sleep and consequently have more energy to dedicate to the whirling dervish. But one thing I particularly like these days is that she is finding a bond between us due to the fact that we're girls.

She exclaims multiple times a day that we are both in fact, girls. If I reach out to take her hand I'll say "come on, grab my hand" and she'll exclaim "because we're girls!" If I ask her who she wants to read her a bedtime story she'll say "I want mommy to do it..... because we're girls!" And if I put her in the car to run an errand she'll sit in her seat and say "Mommy we're girls".

My reply is usually "that's right Delaney, we're girls. Really cool girls."

I remember first finding out that we were going to have a girl and having a twinge of disappointment. I had always wanted a boy. And knowing first hand how hard the teenage years are for girls I shuddered at the thought of her struggling to fit in, having self esteem issues, weight concerns, promiscuity, you name it. I was terrified knowing she would undoubtedly reject me for a few years, rebel and date guys (or who knows... maybe even girls!) that weren't good for her, and do things in experimentation that would help her figure out who she wanted to be. I made it through all of those things, but some days I'm not really sure how I did given my crazy freshman and sophomore years of high school.

But now I couldn't be more happy that I have a girl and can help guide her through that mess. I consider it one of my most formidable tasks in life... to use whatever I learned (and my mom learned) and be as supportive as possible. And hopefully we will make it through to the other side where I will have a best friend for life. Similar to my relationship to my mom. My mom is still the first person I call when something good or bad happens. The person I look to for that extra support and buoyancy. And it dawns on me that the best thing I can do for her is to be the best person I can be and hopefully some of it will rub off through osmosis.

Someone told me that having girls is great because they will never really leave you even when they get married. Boys have a tendency to "leave" more, especially their relationships with their mothers. But not girls. Somehow the relationships between mothers and daughters seem to be a different kind of closeness. I look forward to when Delaney grows up and I can possibly have someone to share passions like cooking, reading, culture, sports, athletic endeavors and more. I'd like to help her become strong and confident. Athletic yet feminine. Loyal and committed. Self-centered yet giving. But really, I want to help her become whoever she wants to be. I want to help her be THAT.

It appears that right now the pendulum has swung towards me in Delaney's eyes. She still loves her Daddy uncontrollably but for the last few weeks has been relishing in finding time for just the two of us. And I'm enjoying it quite a bit as well. Maybe it's because.... well... we're girls.

Winds

One of my largest pet peeves about the Colorado winter is the winds. It's hard to describe just how strong, loud and powerful these winds are unless you live in them. I find that if the weather is warm in winter, it means really strong winds. If it's cold, it's either still or snowing. Have I mentioned I dislike the weather here in the winter?!?

Last night upon our return from California we were greeted to howling winds. Which soon became shrieking winds. Which then became hurricane force winds.

So powerful it blew our freakin' fence down. I am so mad at the winds right now I want to go smack them down. Who was the wind god again? I just looked it up... turns out there are gods for the winds from all directions. But I'm not sure if the "east wind" god means that he blows from the east or to the east. If it's to the east, it looks like Eurus, the god of the east winds, is our man. Why, o why, are you going to cost us hundreds of dollars in a new cedar fence, Mr. Eurus?!?!

Product review, Cooshee booster seat

I thought it might be useful to some (especially those with young kids or at least younger than ours) if I posted reviews of the products that I have found particularly useful.

Delaney stopped using her high chair around 10 months old. It seemed that she was happier feeling like she was more involved in the table dynamics and frankly, we hated cleaning that darn high chair.

So we moved up to a booster seat, one I purchased during a trip to Target. It was plastic and not quite tall enough for Delaney to sit at the table so we had to prop it up with a few towels underneath. The towels served a double function as we also didn't want the plastic chair scratching our wood chair. I could not stand this particular booster as it was impossible to clean and had a bunch of other flaws. A friend of mine suggested a seat called the Cooshee and I checked it out.



I had to make a special trip to Babys R Us to purchase it because they don't sell this chair in any of our local Targets. There are a few great things about this chair.

The first is that it's a "foam" like material that doesn't scratch our chair. Not only does it not scratch the chair, it naturally grips onto a wood chair and thus we have to worry less about safety and strapping the plastic to the wood chair. Delaney has wanted to climb up onto her chair by herself for some time and this gave us a little peace of mind that the high chair part wasn't going to slip while she was entering or exiting. That being said you would only be able to use this chair once your child is not at risk for falling onto the floor. I'm guessing at least a year old would be the minimum but probably more like a year and a half. Even when your child can sit up by themselves they still risk toppling over when they bend over to look at that interesting bit of food they just spilled on the floor.

The second is that it's so easy to clean. There are no little creases and crevices for food to get lodged. Just an easy swipe and it's clean.

The third is that it's really portable. Often times we go have dinner at our neighbors house and we just lift up the seat and off we go. No undoing and redoing straps.

I highly recommend purchasing this booster if you have wood chairs. It is completely worth the money.

Jeeky Deeky

As mentioned in my recent list of Delaney's favorite things, she has become incredibly fond of a little stuffed lamb named Jeeky Deeky.


There are a few significant things about Jeeky.

First of which is that she calls him a polar bear when he really is a baby sheep. We kept trying to correct her on this when she first became acquainted but it really didn't seem to matter to her. She saw a polar bear in him and we just rolled with it.

The second and most significant thing in regards to Jeeky is that after a few weeks of calling him "polar bear", Delaney gave him A NAME. I have always chuckled and admired the way that Delaney takes life literally. For months and months she has become friends with inanimate objects around the house and has provided each one with a very literal name.

Here is one of her favorite dolls...

named Baby Boy.

And here is one of her favorite dolls...

named Baby Girl.

This is one of her favorite stuffed toys...

you guessed it, named Koala.

I can post pics of a lot of other items around here that also have incredibly literal names. We have "dolphin" and "ducky" and "elephant".


There is even a blanket named "soft blanky". Her pretend sister is named "sister". The list goes on and on...

And so we were not surprised when she found this little lamb (which was resurrected for Garrett) and had named him "Polar Bear". But for some reason after a few weeks she started to call him Jeeky. I thought it would pass but she continued to call him this random name, and then a week later she added a last name of Deeky. How she came up with these names I have no idea. But they have stuck.

Jeeky has been allowed to go with her in the car (but he doesn't get to leave the car on errands) and as a result of this and the fact that she likes to wipe her nose on him, he has become a wonderful shade of grey. She has slept with him every night and likes to put him under her dinner table chair so that she can still be close with him while eating. If she is helping out mom and dad in some way it's common for Jeeky to take a turn as well. Jeeky has brought Garrett his binky, put away toys and had lots of sips from her sippy cup. He really is a pretty active member of the household.

Oddly I feel much more attachment to him because he has been named. It's like he's a part of the family, he almost deserves our last name at the end of Jeeky Deeky. Welcome to the family little fella.

Goals for 2009

It's that time of year to start thinking about what I want out of 2009. I looked at my list from 2008 and I'm ashamed to admit I was barely batting .500 out of my list of 10.

So here goes.

1. Finish school. This one seems pretty achievable.
2. Leave work behind.
3. Get to the bay area to see family and friends (and hopefully see Lisa, Molly and maybe Katie this year).
4. Swim more (this was number 1 on 2008's list and I failed miserably).
5. Shed the extra poundage I was so good about packing on in 2008.
6. Connect regularly with Kevin and make sure we continue to talk to each other, despite the swirling kid chaos that makes this very difficult.
7. Have more friends over for dinner.
8. Read at least 8 books.
9. Run a strong Bolder Boulder.
10. GO SIMPLE, as in, stop spending money, eat local and organic, get by on less, get rid of a lot of the stuff in our basement and garage, waste less groceries, conserve more energy, recycle everything that I can, simplify processes wherever possible and STREAMLINE my life.

(11. Possibly run the Marine Corps Marathon in November.)
(12. Be a witness and engaged participant in my two children's lives. They are what make me want to do 1-10.)

Delaney's favorite things

A few of my friends have sent me emails recently saying how they read my blog regularly and how they love feeling like they still hear from me on a regular basis even if we don't talk. Which is great and I definitely write entries here with the sole purpose of keeping friends and family updated on our life. But the REAL reason I started this blog was to force myself to write things down and journal my children's lives more. Plus I enjoy writing so I figured it might be good for the soul as well.

I found myself going back to last years posts to see what I wrote and was pleasantly reminded of things that I had already forgotten about. So this blog is succeeding in that way, which is a nice relief.

In that spirit, I am going to write about Delaney's favorite things right now because those seems to change on a weekly basis.

1. Lightweight clothing. For the last 6 months or so Delaney has strongly resisted wearing anything that resembles warm clothing.... long pants, long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts and jackets. We have managed to get her dressed for fall and winter, only after serious hard work, but when she comes home from school the first thing she does is beeline to her room so she can change into a short sleeve shirt and a skirt. We had to remove the shorts from her room so they weren't even an option. Two days ago she changed into a short sleeve shirt, the underpanties that come under a skirt and her Keens. I wish I had a picture of it because it was really quite a sight.

2. Changing clothes. Delaney also likes to change her clothes about 3 times a day. School days she only changes once but the average for days where we are home is 3. Our rule is that she can change the clothes but she can't ask us for help in doing so because we don't support that many clothing changes. A nice side effect to this policy is that she has learned to get dressed by herself very well. I have also stopped washing a lot of her clothes that she wears for only a part of the day. Who cares if there is a little stain on a sleeve?

3. Jeeky Deeky. I am actually going to do a separate post about this little stuffed lamb because it deserves it's own post, but I need to list him here because there are not too many moments of her current days that she has spent without this little fella. And it's the first stuffed toy that she has actually NAMED. Jeeky has been a constant friend and companion for Delaney for at least a month.

4. Balls and activities around balls. Delaney has taken to playing catch inside with any one of her many balls, and also asks to bring balls when we go to the park. She is getting very good at catching and also kicking balls. We play a game where we see how many times we can throw back and forth to each other without one of us dropping it.

5. Games. I went on game purchasing bender a while back and bought a slough of new learning games for the bug. We are now the proud owners of Old Maid, Go Fish, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, the Memory Game, Coocoo the Rocking Clown and Zimbbos to name a few. Her favorite is the Memory Game and she is VERY good at this game, arguably better than Kevin or I.

6. Playing pretend. I think it's wonderful that Delaney's imagination has started to grow and you can see it best when she puts on her pretend hat. Delaney has a pretend sister and now a pretend husband. She eats pretend food and has pretend conversations. She likes to make up stories and at night likes to have her ears filled with made up stories by Kevin and I. She has not been very good at playing by herself but recently I have noticed that she plays by herself best when she is doing some kind of pretend activity like baking, cooking, eating, etc.

7. Park/pool/bouncy house. She loves going to any one of these places and regularly asks to do so.

8. Her buddy Jasper. Jasper has been in great favor at school for some time and she has been thoroughly enjoying a close friendship with him. She also likes and talks a lot about Maddy, Boden, Spencer, Finley and Jeanie Bean. But no one quite compares to Jasper.

9. Chasing/hiding/being scared. She absolutely relishes in someone chasing her around an item (island in the kitchen, table, etc) and loves it best when you reverse your direction and scare her by coming right at her. She "sort of" gets hide and seek, although it's pretty darn cute when she hides and when you say aloud "hmmm, I wonder where Delaney is?" and you hear her say "mommy I'm hiding over here!".

10. Running. Delaney loves to run. She likes to race other people and does this hilarious little starting pose where she says "ready, set go!" and then takes off. She does it in grocery stores, on errands, in the house, at the park or wherever the mood strikes.

11. Mina. Her "mina" blanket (aka her lovey) has been a constant companion since she was 6 months old. She has slept with it every night for the last two years. When she gets upset she frantically looks for mina's comforting arms and promptly sticks her thumb in her mouth. We have 3 mina blankets and she doesn't seem to mind that we switch them out on her (she knows the differences between them). I think mina will be in her life for a very, very long time.

12. Sesame Street. Given that I knew Delaney would be spending more time at home after Garrett was born I bought a whole bunch of movies to try and spice up the variety of what she watches on TV. I bought Happy Feet, Nemo, Sleeping Beauty, Kung Fu Panda, 101 Dalmations and a few others. But they only succeed in capturing her attention for about 10 minutes. Sesame Street is still her favorite, and Elmo's World is her favorite within the show. She will actually sit through a full one-hour episode of the Street. I will admit that I let her watch a whole episode on the days where we are all at home. It helps start our day off happy and I watched it as a kid so it can't be too bad, right??!

13. Rough-housing with dad. We have an adventure seeker on our hands who likes to be spun, flipped and thrown by her dad. As soon as you do something like that to her she immediately asks "do it again!".

Those are the big ones. It felt good to write them down because I realize there are a lot of fun things about Delaney right now in her life. Writing down what makes her happy is a nice way to remind myself of how great my little daughter is, even though I am challenged and tested by her every day.

Bug, here's to you, and your unmatched zest for life.

Expectations

A number of people have inquired about the difficulty of our "two young children" household and how it compares to my expectations. So, for example, what things have been harder or easier than expected. I haven't quite figured out all of those answers and I have no doubt that the answers will change a lot over the next year.

Keep in mind that there are a number of things not on this list that I had thought would be very difficult, like, Delaney's tantrums, cries for attention, breastfeeding Garrett, finding time to get out and exercise, finding time to connect with my husband, and more.

But for starters....

HARDER THAN EXPECTED: At first it was the lack of sleep. I remembered it from the first time and for some crazy reason I think the lack of sleep was harder this time. I felt overwhelmed by the lack of sleep on Day 2 of Garrett's life and for whatever reason I don't remember it hitting that quickly with Delaney. Maybe I was able to do more daytime sleeping the first time around? Maybe I actually got less of it this time around? Or maybe as I get older the toll of no sleep is harder on me? So sleep is the first one.

The second was just how annoyed and frustrated I was with Delaney in those first few weeks. It's improved immensely since then but those first few weeks I couldn't stand to be around this crazy storm of energy and tantrums. Her neediness really annoyed me to the point where I wanted to move somewhere else so I wouldn't have to hear her complaining. The other side effect of that was how hard it would be to switch energies between the two children. On the one hand here was this adorable tiny little creature that just needed to be held and fed. The energy needed for that was completely different than the energy required to be around Delaney and keep her occupied. Thank goodness for Kevin and my mom in those first weeks because they really did an amazing job of keeping up with her energy while I was able to get into a zen rhythm with Garrett.

And, most recently, I would say what constantly challenges me with being difficult is keeping the house together on the days where I have two of them. It seems nearly impossible to do it some days and I have had to really lower my expectations of myself on those days.

And lastly, what is really hard is going out places with both and how it takes me forever to recover from doing that. Being out isn't that hard but it's the recovery process that seems to overwhelm me. Often when we come home I am frantically occupied with getting everyone and everything out of the car. It seems to take a long time to get them both situated in the house, take off coats and shoes, wash our hands, put away diaper bags, coats, sippies, snacks and whatever it is we may have purchased while out (groceries are really hard), catch up with feeding Garrett, and more. We did a big grocery store trip once and I swear it took me 3 hours to feel like there was no evidence that we had made that trip.


EASIER THAN EXPECTED: I think the most obvious one is just how EASY Garrett is when it's just he and I. Our solo days are like this picture perfect day of relaxation. We don't have a schedule and we both do great just rolling with the "free form" nature of our days. I am not the least bit stressed or unsatisfied with those days. Since I didn't have those with Delaney I guess now I understand just how EASY little newborns can be and how much fun it is take care of one.

That's all for now, I'm sure I'll have more soon.

Funny snippets

A few funny conversation snippets that have been heard around our house lately.

Delaney: Yesterday I went to the jump up.
Mom: Really? What's the jump up?
Delaney: It's the place where I went.
Mom: Who did you go with?
Delaney: My sister.
Mom: Oh, you went with your sister. That explains it.
Delaney: And my husband.
Mom: (laughs). Your husband?
Delaney: Yeah! My husband likes the jump up.
Mom: What's your husbands name.
Delaney: I need to think about it.
Mom: Well, yeah, you better think about what your husbands name is.
Delaney: It's Thomas.
Dad: That's a good, solid name for a husband.

At school she apparently had this conversation:
Delaney: Melinda, can you come over to my house next week?
Melinda: Well, actually, I am coming over to babysit you next week.
Delaney: We can have dinner, and play games, and then you can spend the night!
Melinda: Well, I don't think I'm going to spend the night.
Delaney: No, you can, there's TOTALLY room for you in mom and dad's bed.

And, in regards to potty training.
Mom: Delaney when the heck are you going to start going in the potty (as I wipe a nasty nasty poop off her bottom).
Delaney: In 15 minutes!
Mom: 15 minutes!? Wow, that's fast.
Delaney: No, maybe tomorrow.
Mom: Yeah, tomorrow seems more realistic.

And I heard her singing in the bathroom yesterday a mixture of all the holiday songs and stories she's been hearing lately. It was like a jazz, poetry, and spoken word reading but in a toddler sing song voice.
Delaney: Hanukkah lights, Hanukkah lights, twinkle, twinkle, Jesus' birthday, angels singing, bethlehem, hanukkah lights, hanukkah lights, jesus was born, hanukkah lights, hanukkah lights.

Mish mash

This morning I woke up at it was -3 degrees outside. Yesterday it did not get any warmer than 25 degrees. I watched the weather this morning only to be dismayed at the prospect that it is not supposed to be any warmer than 35 degrees for the next 6 days. Mark it, note it, kick it off. This will be my first post in what I can only guess will be a bunch of posts about the cold weather and it's toll on my California bones. Brrr.. I am looking forward to spending 6 days in California next week.

I think I have my third case of mastitis, which is mighty unfortunate (the first two were with Delaney). I called the doc this morning and they are going to call in a prescription for me today. I woke up at 2am chilled to the bone and a high fever and have other symptoms that would be boring for most people, even other women who have breastfed. I guess I am just prone to this annoying infection.

We had a great weekend and on Saturday night I got to have a night out with friends without any children. It was our annual book club party, which is very similar to our book club meetings only this time husbands can attend. And there is a hilarious white elephant gift exchange which always brings much cheer. The only bummer was that we happened to come home with two stinker gifts... "Cleveland in a Box" board game and a Paper Voodoo kit. Even though I still had to scurry home in the middle of the party to feed Garrett and put him down I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 hours away WITHOUT any spit up on me.

Which brings me to spit up... I feel like I live in a world of spit up. I get spit up on about 5 times a day. Sometimes it's just a dribble and other times it's a half cup full. Sometimes it's on my shirt, sometimes on my pants, and my favorite is in my hair. Our son spits up a lot. Apparently most newbies grow out of this between 7-9 months. Bummer. That's 4-6 more months of doing umpteen loads of laundry because he and I are both changing our clothes at least once a day. Delaney was not a spitter upper and instead the bigger deal with her was diaper blowouts. Believe it or not we have only had about 3 blowouts with Garrett in his first 3 months. I vaguely remember having blowouts with D about every two days. I guess if it's not one orifice exploding fluids it's the other.

Garrett is doing great otherwise and most nights he is doing very well with his sleep. We regressed a while back and he still has his nights of waking twice, but by and large he only awakes once to feed. Last night I had to get out a warm compress and also do some pumping so I had to turn a small light on. Normally I keep it as quiet and dark as possible for our nighttime feeds. But given that there was a light on once he finished feeding he decided it was cooing social hour. He was smiling, cooing, gooing and generally having a party in his room at 3:30am. Even though I was tired, feverish and achy from the mastitis it was hard not to enjoy his playfulness for a few minutes. I know I get annoyed about the newborn sleeplessness but I did realize that pretty soon these moments will be gone. He seems so unbearably sweet at this time in his life. Contrast this to my willful toddler and I am reminding myself to enjoy this time with my precious little newbie.

Some things that I love about Garrett... I love that he will now pretty much smile on command. And I love that he has little to no control over his limbs. He moves his arms up and down with wild abandon and clearly has no control over where they are going. You can tell he wants to move them somewhere intentional but he can't muster the coordination just yet. It seems to me it's the ultimate little newborn move. He wants something or feels excitement and the only thing he can do is move his arms up and down in excitement. I've even seen him whack himself in the face unintentionally. Same with his legs...kick kick kick. I put him on the couch and just watch the little guy get his exercise. It's ridiculously cute.

He has also started to find his hand and fingers for sucking enjoyment. He sucks so loudly on them that you can hear it from the next room. My guess is that he will become a thumb sucker just like his sister but I suppose only time will tell.

I have started using consequences with Delaney and it seems to be working quite well. Since time outs work only moderately effectively for Delaney a few friends started suggesting removing items of hers that are important (but not too important, like a lovey). I have had to threaten twice to take a privilege away only to have her buck up and start listening. It seems to be working for now which is nice.

This week we have Kevin's Christmas party on Wednesday night and a holiday part at our friends brewery on Thursday. Then Saturday night is Lara's annual birthday fiesta at Sushi Zanmia. So we have THREE nights out scheduled this week. Look out... it's almost like we're entering the world of adulthood again.

To spank or not to spank

What a provocative post title, I wonder if I will get listed in Google for people searching about naughty spanking thoughts.

We are currently in the throws of Delaney and her wild and often cantankerous behavior. I have posted here often about how she is constantly testing the limits and pushing a lot of buttons. I feel like we've been at a high crescendo of this kind of behavior for some time now... like... about a year. She goes in waves and some days are mostly good and some days are mostly bad. Some months are better than others. Some hours are better than others. She has perfected the ability to be ridiculously cute one minute only to turn into the whiniest, most annoying toddler the very next minute.

Yesterday she was on point with this behavior in the afternoon when I needed her to get ready to go to the store to pick up a few items. We were going to walk to the local market and it was the only thing I really needed to get done yesterday. We had a good focused morning of play and making cookies and I just needed her to cooperate for about 20 minutes. She refused to wear a sweatshirt (it was 35 degrees outside) and when I forced her to pick one (out of two choices) and I put it on her she defiantly took it off and stomped around the house. "I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear that sweatshirt, I want to wear the PIIIIIIIINK one". Ok, Delaney, this is your last chance, I'll put the pink one on and then we're going to leave. Then I put the pink one on her even though I asked her to put it on herself about 4 times. One she got it on the melee continued. "Nooooooooooooooooooo I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear the pink one, I want to wear the purple one" and she defiantly takes the sweatshirt off. Then we went through the same thing with her boots. I would put them on and she would take them off. Now, I could see how you might just say "let her freeze and go without the clothes". But a big part of me feels like she really needs to learn that some things ARE NOT a choice. I felt like wearing some kind of sweatshirt was mandatory. We went back and forth trying to get her dressed for about 25 minutes. Meanwhile I'm trying to get dressed, Garrett is fussing in his bucket seat and daylight hours were ticking away. It was maddening to the point where I could see how you get to a place where using some sort of physical communication might be deemed as effective. Words clearly do not always get through or have any kind of effect.

So Kevin and I got in a discussion about spanking as a form of discipline. I know plenty of families who have chosen to spank their kids and both Kevin and I were spanked as children. I was only spanked a handful of times for doing absolutely terrible things that I clearly knew were against the rules. Like writing on the walls, defiling my dad's Alfa Romeo leather seats, lying about something when my parents knew the truth, etc. Kevin was spanked a bit more and his temperament as a kid is often described as similar to Delaney's. I don't really feel strongly about the spanking issue one way or the other and as far as I'm concerned each family can do what they feel effective.

However I am more inclined to go without it and to see if we can continue to use words and lessons to teach our child. I generally feel like once you use spanking then kids will do anything up to the moment they know they are going to get spanked. And what about when your child is at school or other places where they know spanking is not an option? I think oftentimes the spanking escalates and it seems like you do more spanking over time to continue to get your point across. And I guess my biggest concern is that I don't want Delaney to learn that hitting or violence is an acceptable way to communicate.

Now these feelings might all change if Delaney's behavior gets worse or we run out of tools and options. But for now we are going to stick with time outs and words and hopefully we can continue to mold her in that way. And I will be giving myself time outs and taking moments to calm down so that she seems calm behavior and knows it's possible to be calm and deal with conflict. Easier said than done some days...

Introspection

The last few days have been a bit rough for me. I felt like we hit a great rhythm a while back but unfortunately this weekend it came crashing to a halt. It dawns on me that parenthood is full of these swings and I suppose it's natural that I am going to have a bunch of highs and lows in the early months of our children's lives. I was telling this to my neighbor a while back and she said "welcome to the next 20 years of your life". Ha.

It came crashing to a halt at 1:15am on Sunday morning when Garrett decided he was going to wake up. He was mighty angry and it was only 3 hours since I had put him down. Since about 5 weeks of age Garrett had started to wake up only once a night, somewhere in the 4am hour. Then for some reason last Thursday he started getting up at 3am, then the next night at 2:30am and then the unfortunate 1:15 the next night. WHY, o why, has he decided to regress like this?

Kevin was out of town on Monday and Tuesday of last week and I thought I handled everything just fine. I felt good about it all and felt like his first trip away was a success. Then Garrett got a cold, Delaney got "croup light" and I had to spend all day Wednesday, Thursday and Friday with both kiddos without a break. Delaney was MIGHTY challenging on Thursday and Friday. Stubborn, angry, defiant and mischievous. I told Kevin when he came home on Friday night that this weekend I needed a break. Especially from Delaney. A good chunk of time where I got to go away (or they went away) and be by myself. For whatever reason I didn't get this on Saturday because we were busy doing things like going to Delaney's school fund raiser, getting the Christmas tree and seeing Jean/Lara/Gabe in the Boulder Parade of Lights. So then Saturday morning rolls around, I'm going on a full week of hard core parenting work, three nights in a row of not getting a lot of sleep and I snapped a little bit.

There are a few things I learned this week, or at least reminded myself was the case.

First and foremost sleep is paramount. If I don't get it I get cranky. I don't function well on little to no sleep. I need to make sure I am getting my sleep somehow even if it means asking Kevin to take over one of the nighttime feedings.

Secondly that if I hear myself saying "I need a break" that I need to be better about forcing myself to get it, even if it means asking neighbors for help. Or hiring help. Because if I say that I need a break there is a really good chance I need it or I will find myself in the mood that I was on Sunday. Tired, angry, frustrated and with a very short fuse with my kids.

Third that it is hard to keep the house afloat with two young kids and most of the time I will not succeed to my standards. It turns out it's very challenging to keep a clean house, feed the kids healthy meals, feed the whole family healthy meals, exercise and feed the pets, buy Christmas gifts, decorate the house, pay bills, do laundry and get some exercise myself. I think most days and weeks I need to just keep lowering my expectations.

And probably one other thing that is pretty important. It's not letting myself feel badly about needing time away. I think about other moms who seem to function just fine without any breaks. But I am not one of them. I need regular time away from my kids in order to be a good mom and THAT'S OK. I think when I'm engaged and really present with my kids I'm a great mom. I'm good at it. But when I'm not engaged and I am craving time away I am NOT a good mom. And I just need to make sure I'm getting that time away so that when I'm there with my kids I'm at my best.

Today Delaney is at school and I am just with Garrett. It already feels better to have had a few hours to myself. Unfortunately Garrett woke up twice again last night and I REALLY hope he goes back to his once-a-night routine. I know he has it in him and he just needs to snap back into it. But I am feeling optimistic that this week will be much better.

I even talked to Kevin about me sneaking out to see a movie by myself some night this week. Now I just need to be better about actually DOING it and not feeling the slightest bit guilty about it.

Sickos

Today I am home with both kids because they are both a little sick. Yesterday Delaney was hoarse in the morning and I didn't think much of it. Then when she woke up from her nap she was burning up with a fever and was having trouble coughing or talking. I assumed croup and called the doc. They asked me to come in ASAP. We did and Dr. K thought it was likely croup or becoming croup so she prescribed prednizone (sp?). We had the humidifier cranked up full blast in her room and also took her outside to clear her lungs a few times before we went to bed. And o yeah, I am supposed to keep her away from Garrett as much as possible. Ha! The good news is that today she seems much better and almost like she wasn't sick at all. When she coughs you can hear some nastyness but all in all she seems back to her normal chipper self.

And Garrett has had a cold all week and every morning I spend 10 minutes with those darn nasal aspirators (mildly effective at best) trying to suck the snot outta him.

Oddly enough it feels somewhat satisfactory to care for your children when they are sick. Delaney is such a rambunctious girl that she doesn't often crave my nurturing or caring. But when she's under the weather she lets me fuss over her willingly. Last night I laid in bed with her for much longer than usual and read her books, told her stories and sang her 3-4 songs. She didn't want me to go and because she was sick I was bending the rules and decided to stay. It was really sweet.

I guess there are times in this whole parenting game where you question whether or not you're doing the right thing or being effective. Lots of times actually. But when the kids are sick and you spend your full energy nurturing and making them feel like you're willing them to get better, it seems easy. And it's fun to bend the rules a bit because they're sick. Like... for instance... watching Sesame Street right after breakfast and staying in your PJ's all day. :)

Nap time

Nap time, nap time, o precious sweet nap time, how sweet you are nap time.

Before I had kids, I knew about naps and schedules, but I can honestly say I had no idea how my world would completely revolve around NAPS. I often observed other moms that were a slave to their child's nap schedules and quite honestly chuckled about it. Now as a mom there are only a few things that could really stop us from being home for naps. I feel like I could be at the best social event in the world but at the tick of 12:45 I would scoop up my child and be off to make it home by 1pm. I have willingly missed Delaney's naps for only a few things, like doctors appointments and airplane rides. Other than that you could pretty much know where to find me from the hours of 1-3pm for...o... about the last 2.5 years.

A few times recently Delaney has decided not to take a nap at all (pretty rare) and I am shuddering inside because I know this is a bit of foreshadowing of the terrible, inevitable day when her NAPS DISAPPEAR. I am assuming this will probably happen right about when I get Garrett settled on a great daytime schedule where he is napping at 9 and 1. Then I'll be stuck at home with a rambunctious toddler who is no longer napping.

We will continue to do quiet time for a while because I just can't imagine not having that wonderful break in the middle of the day. Guilt persists in great amounts for mothers and I know I feel tons of it when I choose to do my own things when my kids are awake and alert (like get on the internet). By and large I don't do it too much so the guilt is minimal. But that precious moment where you put your kid down for a nap and close the door, well, there is not much better than that moment. It's like you can feel the freedom on your shoulders and you are for only a brief moment, a person who can make their own decisions. Then you look at your watch and have to make that important choice... what am I going to do with MY TIME today? Granted you are stuck to the house but you are free within it's walls. You can nap, shower, get on the computer, call a friend, read a book, or even better just lay on the couch and veg. And you don't have to feel one ounce of guilt. Sometimes it is enough to make we want to do a dance. Or sing a song. Nap time, nap time, o precious sweet nap time.

The time during said precious naps seems to fly by and I find myself checking in on my watch to see how much time is remaining. It's really amazing how much you can cram into a 2-hour period. Never has 2 hours seemed so wonderful. And then you hear it... a peep, a cry, a song, or the dreaded call of "MOMMY!". And you know your time is nearing an end. I find myself rushing around the house doing the last few things I wanted to do before my world is children-focused again.

Then again I envision a day when we can go on vacation and have the full day to plan an activity WITHOUT having to rush home in the middle of day. I imagine that will be liberating in its own right. But when do you get that ME time?!? I guess only after they have snuggled away with teddies, bunnies and blankies.

I am writing this blog entry during a wonderful nap by little Garrett. As of yet he has not settled into any kind of nap schedule and it doesn't seem to matter too much if I disrupt it or shuttle him around to and fro letting him cat nap here or there. But soon will come a time when he is napping (hopefully) at least 4 hours during the day and his awake hours are few and far between.

So here's a salute to infant and toddler nap time. Thank you for existing and letting this mom get a little bit of ME time, a little sanity, fun, relaxation, regrouping and zen energy. Nap time, nap time, o sweet precious nap time.

Things I am thankful for...

I am thankful for so many things right now it's hard to condense it into a list. But I'll give it a shot.

1. My family. I am thrilled to be married to Kevin and thrilled to have conceived to wonderful healthy babies. Every day I smile big just looking around at the creatures I live with and share my days with.
2. My family and extended family. Jo, Bob, Marilou, Gary, Eric, Sandra, Joe, Janet. And all the nieces and nephews. Very thankful that everyone in that crew is happy and healthy too.
3. Our house and life in Boulder. I love our friends, our house and surroundings. Even though I am bracing myself for the winter cold I am very thankful for our Boulder life.
4. Lucy. Our little doggy brings me much, much joy. Every day.
5. The Cutters. They deserve their own category. I would not be as happy in life if it weren't for this special family that lives right behind us.
6. The possibility of a new career for me.
7. That I have my physical health and am starting to get active again.
8. Laughter.
9. Books.
10. Target.

I'll leave it at 10.

2 month check-up

Garrett had his 2-month check-up today and everything went well. He is 12 pounds, 6 ounces which puts him about 75th percentile. I can't remember the other two measurements, but he is between 50 and 75th percentile with everything. Which means he is getting enough food, despite his constant spitting up and occasional puking. I was telling her that I pretty much can only feed him on one side because if I ever do both sides it is instant pukage. She said not to worry, that whatever I'm doing is working, and to just keep doing it. :)

Dr. K was laughing at me because I was asking her when Garrett could be expected to sleep longer durations and when I could get him on a daytime schedule. She chuckled and said "ok, second child mom, you need to chill out and just enjoy your babe!". Ha. Am I wrong to look forward to those things? After explaining my frustrations that Garrett seems to have a built-in 4am alarm clock, she said "be glad it's a 4am alarm clock and not a midnight, 2am and 4am alarm clock!". We've put him down at 9pm, 9:30, 10pm and once I even fed him at midnight only to still have him wake up at 4am. What happened to those two magical nights where he pushed it to 5am or 6am?!??

Needless to say I think we are going to try and start inching back his bedtime to get him down a bit earlier to see if he could still make it to 4am. We'll try to do that this weekend when we don't have anything pressing the next day, just in case I am up a bunch of times as a result of our experiment.

And apparently schedules during the day don't really happen until between 3-4 months (they can come later, too, if you aren't looking to get your child on a schedule).

I was laughing at myself as I was walking out of the doc office and thinking that I was definitely jumping a bit ahead of myself here. Next thing you know I'll be wondering when he can start riding a bike fer cryin out loud. I mean, he moves his legs a lot, shouldn't he be able to get on one of those pedal bikes?!?

We are thrilled about Thanksgiving as we are going over to Jasper's house (Delaney's true love) and there will be a few other families there from the Acorn School. Should be fun to let the kids run around like crazies while we get to socialize with each other. Our neighbors are having a party on Thursday morning and then other neighbors are throwing one on Friday. Should be a fun weekend.

Yeah for a healthy babe and Thanksgiving weekend. All is good.

Second children

As I have mentioned a while back, Garrett is infinitely easier as a baby than his big sister Delaney. I think the gap of fussyness is larger than most gaps between first and second children, but it seems a generality that most second children are more easygoing than the first. I've heard a number of theories thrown out there for this phenomenom, but the one I hear most consistently is that the parents are more relaxed and therefore you know how better to handle an infant.

Could this be the main reason why second children are easier? I am not sure this can be true in our situation. I was arguably more stressed being pregnant and in the first few weeks of Garrett's life than I was Delaney's. Through Delaney's pregnancy I was generally happy and excited about the cooing and sweet newborn that I expected would come my way. Then out she came, spitfire cries and all, and I was convinced it would go away quickly. Because everyone has sweet little newborns that sleep all day, and I was sure she would come around. Ha! I think finally around week 2 I realized it was official and we had a colicky baby.

Now with Garrett's pregnancy I was emotional, moody and worried that we would create another colick nightmare. And even in the first few weeks when he would cry I would jump to conclusions that the colick man had arrived and we were stuck.

But he is SO much easier than his big sister, so much so that I feel guilty even talking about how wonderful he is as a baby because we did none of that with Delaney. I know it wasn't her fault but there is no doubt that we are both more affectionate and feel more love towards Garrett in these early weeks. Don't get me wrong, we loved Delaney from the start, but there wasn't a lot of time to talk about how much we loved her since we could barely hear each other over her crying.

So if that theory of "relaxedness" (I'm sure that's a word) is true then we have bucked the trend.

I can't say I'm complaining about it, however it came true. I'm just glad that someone took pity on me somewhere and blessed me, despite my stressing hormones, with a pretty chill babe.

Speaking of, gotta go feed the little man. :)

New Hands Free Driving Video

I found this on Dooce. So darn funny.

Serious cuteness

Delaney went to school today in one of the cutest outfits she's ever had on. I love that recently she has come to letting me put her in dresses. This comes after a full year of her absolutely REFUSING to wear anything girly. Who knows with this one...








and here is one that's not great quality of the little man, but it's from last night so it's recent.

Family photos

Trying to freshen up the blog

I'm trying to add some new pics to the left hand column, and make some updates to the content. Who knew this could consume so much time?!?

I am loving life today as a mom, loving my casual day with Garrett. Aside from a puking incident from G Love (my new name for him) about 2 hours ago, it's been an all together CHILL day. I'm wondering how it's possible that it's already 1pm?!?!

We had a great weekend as a fam. Saturday Kevin and I both got to workout and enjoy the mild Colorado fall weather. We watched a bunch of football both days, and also went on a family run with the double stroller on Sunday. I'm wondering how, with all of this activity and exercise I'm getting, it's possible that I still have a huge stomach pooch?!? This weight-loss thing is going to be even harder this time around, I can see that now.

The big update on our lives over the weekend, however, is that Delaney officially moved into her big girl room AND bed without a hitch. Two naps, and two overnight sleeps and I'm prepared to say that it was much easier than I had anticipated. She still calls for us to come and get her and her sleep has not been affected as of yet. Yeah!

Now on to that pesky little potty training thing....

Precious sleep

I am probably jinxing myself by posting this, but for the last two nights Garrett has been an absolute rock star sleeper. Two nights ago he went 7 straight hours and last night he went almost 8 hours without as much of a peep! This is almost exactly how Delaney did it so I'm hoping he's setting himself up to be the same kind of nighttime sleeper as her.

My parents are here and are busy with projects and watching the kiddos. Yesterday my dad put up some gutters on our garage, took Delaney to Home Depot and the park. I got to go for a run, do some errands and basically have a relaxing day. Then Kevin and I went out to Jax for dinner.

Today Delaney is at school and my dad is back to work with projects (more gutters, fixing the guest room toilet and putting up shelves) and my mom has offered to spend all day with Garrett. I am going to my workout class at lunch, finishing up buying Christmas gifts for the nieces and nephews and then I get a haircut at 5pm. It's almost like I don't have two kids, with all the personal things I am able to accomplish. Woo-hoo!

Then we are all going out to a local Italian restaurant tonight and hopefully will watch the Jets/Patriots game afterwards.

Tomorrow we are supposed to get our first snow and since it is the last day of my parents visit I am cramming in a nail appointment and a massage. Then they are off to Arizona early on Saturday morning.

It's been wonderful to have both sets of grandparents in town and get some good help. Yeah!

Busy, turning a corner, visitors

Let's see. I haven't posted an update in a while.

Just after Garrett's one month appointment, he caught a little virus that had us visiting the doctor daily for 4 days. His fever didn't go much about 100 degrees, but since he is still so little and young, the docs always want to be as cautious as possible. His sleep definitely regressed during this period and he was more lethargic than usual during the night. If he had been one week younger they would have automatically admitted him to the hospital for two nights. I'm glad we just made it out of that window. He seemed to rally through the illness with little issue and I suspect that he will end up having an even more rock solid immune system than his sister given that he is exposed to tons of germs (from his sister) every day.

Then Jo and Bob (Pop pop and Nana) came for a visit. They were both here for 4 days and then Jo stayed on for an additional 6 days. It was great to get some grandparental help around the house and I think they enjoyed getting to know their grandson.

Garrett is doing really well and seems to be getting more chill by the day. He has fussy moments, and usually it's at its worst during dinner, but he is SO so much easier than his big sister that it seems downright easy to take care of him. The days that it's just he and I are wonderful and I get to fully enjoy spending time with the little fella. I feel like I am finally getting the newborn/infant experience that I wanted. Yeah! He is still gassy and you can tell that it's gas that's bothering him a lot of the time. From what I hear this almost always resolves itself by 4 months, sometimes between 8 and 12 weeks. Hopefully for his sake it will resolve sooner than later.

Garrett spits up and pukes more than Delaney did, which leads me to believe he inherited more of his dad's stomach. Delaney almost never spit up or puked and has also avoided a lot of the stomach ailments that have plagued a lot of her classmates. This is similar to my typically rock solid gut. But Garrett... just last night I was feeding him and noticed he was having a particularly good feed. Well, just after having thought that I got a few cups of recently drank breastmilk regurgitated all over me, the boppy, him and the couch. Since Kevin generally has a more sensitive stomach I think maybe they are more similar.

Halloween was great. Delaney seemed to relish in trick or treating, and especially liked going down to Pearl Street where a lot of the storefronts open up to kid trick or treaters and the place is jam packed with kids in costume. She was Elmo this year and I hope to post some pics soon.

Delaney is still as feisty as ever and can be a handful when it's just the three of us. While Nana was here I got to get out with just her and enjoy a few mornings of girl bonding which was fun. She is still way more emotional than usual and we are getting a bit more tantrums and acting out than we used to, I sure hope that will start to settle down soon. I can tell she loves her little brother and is always trying to help me take care of him by bringing him pacifiers, blankets, spit up rags, her toys, etc. It's very sweet but I definitely have to keep an eye on her around him because sometimes she gets a bit overzealous in her affection and caretaking.

My parents are due here in Boulder tomorrow for a quick 3-day visit. I am thrilled to have my mom back and my dad gets to meet Garrett for the first time. I have a bunch of projects queued up for my dad and we are also planning on getting out for dinner and on a separate night, a movie. I definitely miss going to movies. I have also scheduled a massage, a nail appointment and a few trips to the gym. Woo-hoo, I will definitely get some great "me" time this week.

We still have yet to get our first snow in Boulder, although there have been a few days where it threatened. They said on the news the record latest day for snow here is November 15 and we are potentially poised to break it this year. I can't say I'm complaining.

Garrett's sleep has improved enormously since we put him in his own room. He took a step back when we had to put him back in our room because of our visitors, but I was relieved to see that as soon as he got his own room back he started to put in some good straight hours of sleep again. On Saturday night he slept for 6.5 straight hours. And then 3.5 hours after that stretch, which meant I was only up once with him in the middle of the night. I am hoping this means he will be as good of a nighttime sleeper as his sister. It does seem clear that him having his own quiet space makes a difference. With those kind of good sleep nights it feels like we are turning a bit of a corner on the newborn daze.

I think that's most of my update and hopefully now that out visitor schedule is settling down I'll be able to get back on here more and post some pics and updates. Today's project is finishing Garrett's birth announcement.

One month check-up

We took Garrett to his one-month check up yesterday and he is 10 pounds 9 ounces. So that means he gained a pound a week for the last 3 weeks. Yeah! All of that time on the couch breastfeeding has done some good. :)

And the pediatrician counseled me not to change my diet, Garrett doesn't have reflux, and his gas issues will work themselves out over the next few weeks or months. So we just have to be patient there.

We all got flu shots (except Garrett) and Delaney didn't even flinch or cry! Brave girl.

Off to hang with my man for the day. :)

My friend Andrea

I got some terrible and unexpected news yesterday about a friend of mine. I found out that my friend Andrea passed away over a year ago from an aneurysm at the age of 42. She had two boys at the time of her passing, age 4 and 5.

I used to work for a big time celebrity sports agent in Newport Beach who represented a lot of the biggest NFL and MLB stars. It was my first paying job out of college although it's really a stretch to call it that since I think they were barely paying me minimum wage and I'm pretty sure I worked about 100 hours a week. I know I am prone to exaggeration but in this case I am not... generally I worked 9am to 10pm on weekdays and then a good portion of most weekends as well. Anyway, I digress.

Andrea was the receptionist at this company and I ended up becoming pretty close friends with her for the year that I worked there. She had a knack for being a straight shooter and as long as she liked you (this generally meant that she thought you had good common sense) she would take on a protective air around you. I fondly referred to her as my mother, even though she was only 7 or 8 years older than me. She could be provincial in some of her opinions but she was absolutely the most loyal and dear friend someone could ask for. I know if I called Andrea at 2 in the morning for anything she would run to your side. She developed relationships with a lot of athletes who called the office and I saw her "take in" a lot of employees who were being treated extremely unfairly. I know she saw a lot of versions of me (young, first-time job, didn't last long) go through that office and my guess is that she protected, supported and helped most of them.

Anyway, she was really the only person I kept in touch with at that office even though I had become pretty good friends with two other women in the office. Andrea and I used to chat at least a few times a year but in the last 5-6 years it was more like every two years. Usually I would send a Christmas card and she would call me and we would catch up. Obviously last Christmas I did not hear anything back from her but didn't think much of it.

Through the magic of Facebook I found one of the women I used to know in the office and we started corresponding and catching up. She notified me that Andrea had a sudden aneurysm and tragically passed away.

I spent the rest of yesterday and a lot of today thinking about Andrea. I was sad that I missed her memorial (apparently over 500 people attended) and I felt so empty that I wasn't able to pay my respects to her family at the time of her passing. I wish I could have been there to grieve with everyone else. Now I feel odd grieving over her passing when it was so long ago. Of course I wish that I had called her more and had been better about keeping in touch.

And mostly I am sad that the world no longer has the spunk of Andrea, and incredibly sad that she leaves both of her boys so young. I was thinking they will probably not have too many memories of their mother. I can only imagine, if I considered her my mother, how amazing she must have been with her own boys. Ugh.

I guess it's a reminder to life live fully, tell your loved ones that you love them, and try not to take your health and vitality for granted. Andrea you will be missed but not forgotten. You will live on through your friends and family. You are a character who could never truly die.

Seven years ago...

Seven years ago today, Kevin and I were with friends at our post-wedding brunch, getting ready to start our honeymoon. Yesterday we celebrated our seven year anniversary. Ok, well, celebration might be a bit of a strong word for simply acknowledging that we were married on the 20th of October. With two kids now in tow, it makes actually celebrating the occasion a bit more difficult. Hopefully when we have the grandparents in town next week or the week after, we will actually get to go out on our own and mark the occasion a bit more calmly.

I fondly remember our wedding day and the festivities surrounding. It was a glorious fall Sonoma day and the day went pretty much as planned with no hiccups. Most everyone we wanted to be there was there, the ceremony was personal and heartfelt, and the reception was a bit crazy and raucous. Just like I wanted. In retrospect I wouldn't change anything about the day (well, maybe except not serving so much Red Bull and Vodka so that we don't put the health of our friends at stake. Sorry Jason!)

Hard to believe that it's been seven years. We have been through a lot of highs and lows in that time but I feel like it's still getting better every day. We have lived in Los Altos, Eugene and Boulder. We have had five pregnancies and only two kids to show for it. We have had the opportunity to travel to a lot of fun places. We have held onto a lot of the friends that were there to witness our marriage and made a bunch of new ones. We have moved jobs and for Kevin even changed careers. We bought a house, got a dog and started an amazing family. I guess we really have grown up a bit in seven years, eh?!?

I am so happy that I married Kevin and when we are in this post-birth stage with our kids I realize and recognize JUST how lucky I am to be married to this man. He is so wonderful as a father, and so supportive as a husband, that I feel like there really isn't anyone else for me and our family. Thanks Kevin for seven good years and here's to hoping there are at least 30 or 40 more in our future.

Broken

On Saturday night, we hit two milestones with baby Garrett. The first was that I fed him at 8:30pm and he didn't awake to be fed until just after 2am. That means he revealed that he can go 6 hours without food. Yahoo! That same night he managed to keep me awake from 2am to 6am. I had a little breakdown at 6am and decided that I was simply going to put Garrett in his bassinet and I retreated to our bedroom. I have not been sleeping in our bedroom since Garrett was born since I felt like it didn't make sense to keep Kevin AND I awake with Garrett. I miss our bedroom, our sheets and our bed very much.

So I retreated to our room and put my blinders on and shoved some earplugs in my ears. I figured Kevin would be awake pretty shortly and if he was crying uncontrollably Kevin could appease Garrett.

Kevin awoke and saw me in our bed and figured that Garrett was so calm I decided to sleep in our room. Ha! When Kevin finally roused me awake at 8am I notified him that I was broken. Garrett had broken me. 4 weeks of not sleeping had me frazzled, worn and emotional. I was starting to hate my life and really resent our child. I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I would from here on out be sleeping in our room and Garrett will be sleeping (or crying) in a different room. We made this decision pretty early on with Delaney as well but mostly this was because she was so uncontrollably fussy during the day that sleeping at night was our only survival mechanism. Garrett is much easier during the day, but it turns out that not sleeping for 4 straight weeks does terrible things to your body and mindset. Honestly I felt like if I didn't make a change that I would go insane and likely leave this family. I not exaggerating. I am cranky, tired, pale, malnourished, impatient and lethargic. I am pretty sure most of this is due to night after night with only 3-5 hours of sleep.

Anyway... I had some pretty guilty thoughts yesterday about letting such a little child cry it out and taking the tough love approach. But I really felt like I had no choice. Friends and acquaintances often comment on how well Delaney approaches sleep and how easy she is to put to bed. A big part of this is because of how fussy she was as an infant and how, basically, she trained us to leave her alone at the end of the day. I often tell people that I think in some ways our children train and mold us for what they need, at least I justify our bedtime approach with her that way.

So maybe this was Garrett's way of telling me that he needs to sleep alone. I had visions of us sharing a bed and space for months, and having a calm baby who would like to snuggle and would peacefully drift off to sleep as I nursed him. I honestly didn't care how often I had to nurse him and was prepared to be at it every 2 hours or more if needed. So many of my friends have relayed this type of experience with me and I felt like this was going to be my shot at it.

Sigh... it looks like that vision or expectation is broken. Last night we took the first cry it out approach and I must admit that today I am a completely different person. He went to bed at 10pm, awoke around 2am when I fed him, I put him back in the other room and he awoke again at 5am. I fed him again and promptly put him back in the other room. At 8am I finally got up to start my day and feed him. I will sheepishly admit that I have no idea if he was wailing, flailing, TO'd or calm during any of those sleeping hours between 2am and 8am. Because I was peacefully adrift in some much needed REM in my own bed and in my own sheets (with the monitor turned down so much it was nearly off). And yeah, as you can imagine, there is some guilt flowing around my head today but given how amazing my body felt this morning those guilty feelings are far overpowered. I am not going back.

So far with both kids home today things have been going well. I have more patience with Delaney, she seems to be in great spirits and life seems manageable. I guess this is the newborn experience I was meant to witness.

Looking for roommates?!?

I have two potential roommates to offer up, in case you are looking for some company.

Roommate #1 -- 2.5 years old, sometimes cantankerous and defiant, likes to push buttons, get things out and refuses to put anything away, eats only a few different things and changes her mind frequently about what those few things are, spills lots of milk and food on the table and floor, resists going to sleep at all costs, carries lots and lots of germs (like hand/foot/mouth, pink eye, head lice, runny noses, etc), addicted to Sesame Street, will only wear what she wants when she wants and that changes on an hourly basis, often wears 2-4 outfits in a day and gets them all dirty, still wearing diapers, refuses to take off pajamas in the morning, puts her thumb in her mouth when you'd like to talk with her, trips and falls regularly resulting in many cries and needs for instant comfort through boo-boo duck/elephant/fishy, insists on wearing band-aids even when she doesn't need them, wants to take baths on days where she doesn't need one and refuses to take baths on days where she really needs them, wants to go to the park all the time and once we get there she wants to go home, hopelessly in love with her classmate Jasper, and OCCASIONALLY will give out a hug and say she loves you.

Roommate #2 -- Pretty much all roommate #2 can offer is sleeping, crying and eating. Lots and lots of dirty diapers, spit up, occasional puking from overeating, changes outfits about 3-4 times a day, requires you to do laundry at least every other day, and here is the BEST part. Most nights is awake and fussing for 2-5 hours. Usually this happens between 2am and 7am. Occasionally there will be a good night and good day, but that is really just a mind game to give you hope that things are changing, when in reality most of life and future days will be spent without sleep and crying. This one needs a home quick due to the fact that his current caretaker and roommate is losing her mind and wants to run away from her house and life as a result of no sleep.

Sleep deprivation

Last night was a rough night. A rough night for Garrett, and thus, by default, a rough night for me. He seems to have this terrible stomach/gas issue that keeps him up on a regular basis. He has gas and seems like he's trying to push out poops. I have tried every trick in the book... moving his legs, putting him on his stomach, burping, the Happy Tummi, Gripe water, Mylicon, you name it. But it still keeps him up at night. I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take and I feel like his "condition" is bad enough that it might even warrant a trip to the doctor. He's doing a lot of spitting up, and even some puking, so maybe he has reflux?!? I think they occasionally do prescribe something for reflux. I think he was awake and in discomfort from about 1am until 5am.

I dunno. All I know is that yesterday day, and last night, were not good and I feel like we all took a lot of steps back in the sleeping progression. Tuesday was a great day. But today I feel like a zombie. Thankfully Delaney is in school today. I don't know what I would have done if I had them both today on 3 hours of sleep. Next time he decides to actually nap I will definitely be joining him.

This newborn stuff REALLY isn't easy. I greatly admire those that choose to have more than 2 children, because this is really pushing me to the limit.

More pics of G-man and the family

Here are a few more updated shots of the family and Garrett.

Did I mention that we have a huge construction project right next door?!?!?










This one is classic... Delaney decided that everyone needed to take a nap.

Life in the trenches

Life has been a bit hectic over the last few weeks, full of highs and lows of every kind. I was worried in the first week because it appeared that we got a close version of the fussy/colic baby we had with Delaney, but now that I've been with him for 2.5 weeks, I can say with certainty he's nothing like his big sister and only has intermittent bouts of fussiness. Most of it seems gas and poop related so I'm not sure if it's just his body or the things I'm eating. Stay tuned as I'm sure you're all eager to figure it out with me. :)

Having my mom here for two weeks was amazingly helpful and I don't think we could have survived without her. She did baby holding duty during the mornings, afternoons and even a few nighttime stretches. She cooked meals, cleaned, did laundry and lended a helping hand wherever needed. I think she was nearly dead when she left on Tuesday and for that I feel horrible, but I think she liked feeling useful and helpful. I think she knows just how much I appreciated the help.

The nursing was a huge challenge the first week, and my GI issues continue to plague me, but things do seem to be getting a bit easier every day. I love our little man and spend lots of time staring at his beautiful face.

I'm a bit worried about next week as it's my first week where I'll have both kids 3 days a week. Since Garrett is still not sleeping during the night (he is awake for long stretches all through the night) I am concerned about having to live on 3-4 hours of sleep that he's letting me get. I think Kevin might have to start pitching in more at night. I have to admit that there is a huge twinge of jealousy every night as I see him retreat to our quiet, cozy bedroom and get 7-8 straight hours of sleep. I had been living on our couch for two weeks but last night moved into Delaney's future room. I haven't been sleeping in our room because I didn't feel like it made sense for Garrett to keep both of us up at night when he is awake.

I will post more pics soon, I just loaded them all up onto the computer and in fact have put a bunch on my Facebook page.

One thing I can say for CERTAIN. We are not having any more kiddos. 2 is plenty. I really don't want to go through the first two weeks of a newborn ever again. Phew.

We feel very blessed to live in Boulder with so many helpful friends and neighbors. We have had at least 8 families drop off meals and even a few people have offered (and have taken) Delaney away for playdates. This is probably the most helpful thing, I now realize. Delaney has not taken very well to the new addition to the family as she is acting out in all sorts of crazy ways in order to get our attention away from Garrett. I know it's a phase but it sure is trying on my nerves, especially when I have not been able to get a full nights rest.

Delaney also brought home a little cold last week and passed it on to every one of us, including Garrett. Poor little man is sniffling, sneezing, wheezing and choking on his snot. Those darn bulb syringes are only so effective, too.

I hope to write my labor/birth experience within the next week and post it here. For now I am back to the couch to my job as Milk Machine. :)

Little Garrett is here

Our little man arrived early on Monday morning. He was 7 pounds, 10 ounces and has a full head of hair. Labor was surprisingly easy this time around. Phew.

Here is a video of Delaney meeting Garrett and a few other pics.

Our little football fan princess

Delaney has a ridiculous amount of UCLA and CAL paraphernalia, and she also seems obsessed with wearing it on a daily basis. I am somewhat relieved when she has run out of college gear because it means occasionally she will look girly girl. Kevin loves it when Delaney asks to wear her Golden Bear shirt, though, and accommodates it any time she asks.

(Oh yeah, for those you wondering, no signs of labor whatsoever.)






and here are a few other random shots

Pics of Garrett's new room

Here are some shots of the final baby room. We were lucky in that I painted it blue before Delaney was born, so that was one less thing to worry about. Then we just switched out pink and put in red and blue! And, of course, some surf decor.

Pics of Delaney's new room

Here are some pics of Delaney's new room which seems like it took us 5 months to construct.