One month check-up

We took Garrett to his one-month check up yesterday and he is 10 pounds 9 ounces. So that means he gained a pound a week for the last 3 weeks. Yeah! All of that time on the couch breastfeeding has done some good. :)

And the pediatrician counseled me not to change my diet, Garrett doesn't have reflux, and his gas issues will work themselves out over the next few weeks or months. So we just have to be patient there.

We all got flu shots (except Garrett) and Delaney didn't even flinch or cry! Brave girl.

Off to hang with my man for the day. :)

My friend Andrea

I got some terrible and unexpected news yesterday about a friend of mine. I found out that my friend Andrea passed away over a year ago from an aneurysm at the age of 42. She had two boys at the time of her passing, age 4 and 5.

I used to work for a big time celebrity sports agent in Newport Beach who represented a lot of the biggest NFL and MLB stars. It was my first paying job out of college although it's really a stretch to call it that since I think they were barely paying me minimum wage and I'm pretty sure I worked about 100 hours a week. I know I am prone to exaggeration but in this case I am not... generally I worked 9am to 10pm on weekdays and then a good portion of most weekends as well. Anyway, I digress.

Andrea was the receptionist at this company and I ended up becoming pretty close friends with her for the year that I worked there. She had a knack for being a straight shooter and as long as she liked you (this generally meant that she thought you had good common sense) she would take on a protective air around you. I fondly referred to her as my mother, even though she was only 7 or 8 years older than me. She could be provincial in some of her opinions but she was absolutely the most loyal and dear friend someone could ask for. I know if I called Andrea at 2 in the morning for anything she would run to your side. She developed relationships with a lot of athletes who called the office and I saw her "take in" a lot of employees who were being treated extremely unfairly. I know she saw a lot of versions of me (young, first-time job, didn't last long) go through that office and my guess is that she protected, supported and helped most of them.

Anyway, she was really the only person I kept in touch with at that office even though I had become pretty good friends with two other women in the office. Andrea and I used to chat at least a few times a year but in the last 5-6 years it was more like every two years. Usually I would send a Christmas card and she would call me and we would catch up. Obviously last Christmas I did not hear anything back from her but didn't think much of it.

Through the magic of Facebook I found one of the women I used to know in the office and we started corresponding and catching up. She notified me that Andrea had a sudden aneurysm and tragically passed away.

I spent the rest of yesterday and a lot of today thinking about Andrea. I was sad that I missed her memorial (apparently over 500 people attended) and I felt so empty that I wasn't able to pay my respects to her family at the time of her passing. I wish I could have been there to grieve with everyone else. Now I feel odd grieving over her passing when it was so long ago. Of course I wish that I had called her more and had been better about keeping in touch.

And mostly I am sad that the world no longer has the spunk of Andrea, and incredibly sad that she leaves both of her boys so young. I was thinking they will probably not have too many memories of their mother. I can only imagine, if I considered her my mother, how amazing she must have been with her own boys. Ugh.

I guess it's a reminder to life live fully, tell your loved ones that you love them, and try not to take your health and vitality for granted. Andrea you will be missed but not forgotten. You will live on through your friends and family. You are a character who could never truly die.

Seven years ago...

Seven years ago today, Kevin and I were with friends at our post-wedding brunch, getting ready to start our honeymoon. Yesterday we celebrated our seven year anniversary. Ok, well, celebration might be a bit of a strong word for simply acknowledging that we were married on the 20th of October. With two kids now in tow, it makes actually celebrating the occasion a bit more difficult. Hopefully when we have the grandparents in town next week or the week after, we will actually get to go out on our own and mark the occasion a bit more calmly.

I fondly remember our wedding day and the festivities surrounding. It was a glorious fall Sonoma day and the day went pretty much as planned with no hiccups. Most everyone we wanted to be there was there, the ceremony was personal and heartfelt, and the reception was a bit crazy and raucous. Just like I wanted. In retrospect I wouldn't change anything about the day (well, maybe except not serving so much Red Bull and Vodka so that we don't put the health of our friends at stake. Sorry Jason!)

Hard to believe that it's been seven years. We have been through a lot of highs and lows in that time but I feel like it's still getting better every day. We have lived in Los Altos, Eugene and Boulder. We have had five pregnancies and only two kids to show for it. We have had the opportunity to travel to a lot of fun places. We have held onto a lot of the friends that were there to witness our marriage and made a bunch of new ones. We have moved jobs and for Kevin even changed careers. We bought a house, got a dog and started an amazing family. I guess we really have grown up a bit in seven years, eh?!?

I am so happy that I married Kevin and when we are in this post-birth stage with our kids I realize and recognize JUST how lucky I am to be married to this man. He is so wonderful as a father, and so supportive as a husband, that I feel like there really isn't anyone else for me and our family. Thanks Kevin for seven good years and here's to hoping there are at least 30 or 40 more in our future.

Broken

On Saturday night, we hit two milestones with baby Garrett. The first was that I fed him at 8:30pm and he didn't awake to be fed until just after 2am. That means he revealed that he can go 6 hours without food. Yahoo! That same night he managed to keep me awake from 2am to 6am. I had a little breakdown at 6am and decided that I was simply going to put Garrett in his bassinet and I retreated to our bedroom. I have not been sleeping in our bedroom since Garrett was born since I felt like it didn't make sense to keep Kevin AND I awake with Garrett. I miss our bedroom, our sheets and our bed very much.

So I retreated to our room and put my blinders on and shoved some earplugs in my ears. I figured Kevin would be awake pretty shortly and if he was crying uncontrollably Kevin could appease Garrett.

Kevin awoke and saw me in our bed and figured that Garrett was so calm I decided to sleep in our room. Ha! When Kevin finally roused me awake at 8am I notified him that I was broken. Garrett had broken me. 4 weeks of not sleeping had me frazzled, worn and emotional. I was starting to hate my life and really resent our child. I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I would from here on out be sleeping in our room and Garrett will be sleeping (or crying) in a different room. We made this decision pretty early on with Delaney as well but mostly this was because she was so uncontrollably fussy during the day that sleeping at night was our only survival mechanism. Garrett is much easier during the day, but it turns out that not sleeping for 4 straight weeks does terrible things to your body and mindset. Honestly I felt like if I didn't make a change that I would go insane and likely leave this family. I not exaggerating. I am cranky, tired, pale, malnourished, impatient and lethargic. I am pretty sure most of this is due to night after night with only 3-5 hours of sleep.

Anyway... I had some pretty guilty thoughts yesterday about letting such a little child cry it out and taking the tough love approach. But I really felt like I had no choice. Friends and acquaintances often comment on how well Delaney approaches sleep and how easy she is to put to bed. A big part of this is because of how fussy she was as an infant and how, basically, she trained us to leave her alone at the end of the day. I often tell people that I think in some ways our children train and mold us for what they need, at least I justify our bedtime approach with her that way.

So maybe this was Garrett's way of telling me that he needs to sleep alone. I had visions of us sharing a bed and space for months, and having a calm baby who would like to snuggle and would peacefully drift off to sleep as I nursed him. I honestly didn't care how often I had to nurse him and was prepared to be at it every 2 hours or more if needed. So many of my friends have relayed this type of experience with me and I felt like this was going to be my shot at it.

Sigh... it looks like that vision or expectation is broken. Last night we took the first cry it out approach and I must admit that today I am a completely different person. He went to bed at 10pm, awoke around 2am when I fed him, I put him back in the other room and he awoke again at 5am. I fed him again and promptly put him back in the other room. At 8am I finally got up to start my day and feed him. I will sheepishly admit that I have no idea if he was wailing, flailing, TO'd or calm during any of those sleeping hours between 2am and 8am. Because I was peacefully adrift in some much needed REM in my own bed and in my own sheets (with the monitor turned down so much it was nearly off). And yeah, as you can imagine, there is some guilt flowing around my head today but given how amazing my body felt this morning those guilty feelings are far overpowered. I am not going back.

So far with both kids home today things have been going well. I have more patience with Delaney, she seems to be in great spirits and life seems manageable. I guess this is the newborn experience I was meant to witness.

Looking for roommates?!?

I have two potential roommates to offer up, in case you are looking for some company.

Roommate #1 -- 2.5 years old, sometimes cantankerous and defiant, likes to push buttons, get things out and refuses to put anything away, eats only a few different things and changes her mind frequently about what those few things are, spills lots of milk and food on the table and floor, resists going to sleep at all costs, carries lots and lots of germs (like hand/foot/mouth, pink eye, head lice, runny noses, etc), addicted to Sesame Street, will only wear what she wants when she wants and that changes on an hourly basis, often wears 2-4 outfits in a day and gets them all dirty, still wearing diapers, refuses to take off pajamas in the morning, puts her thumb in her mouth when you'd like to talk with her, trips and falls regularly resulting in many cries and needs for instant comfort through boo-boo duck/elephant/fishy, insists on wearing band-aids even when she doesn't need them, wants to take baths on days where she doesn't need one and refuses to take baths on days where she really needs them, wants to go to the park all the time and once we get there she wants to go home, hopelessly in love with her classmate Jasper, and OCCASIONALLY will give out a hug and say she loves you.

Roommate #2 -- Pretty much all roommate #2 can offer is sleeping, crying and eating. Lots and lots of dirty diapers, spit up, occasional puking from overeating, changes outfits about 3-4 times a day, requires you to do laundry at least every other day, and here is the BEST part. Most nights is awake and fussing for 2-5 hours. Usually this happens between 2am and 7am. Occasionally there will be a good night and good day, but that is really just a mind game to give you hope that things are changing, when in reality most of life and future days will be spent without sleep and crying. This one needs a home quick due to the fact that his current caretaker and roommate is losing her mind and wants to run away from her house and life as a result of no sleep.

Sleep deprivation

Last night was a rough night. A rough night for Garrett, and thus, by default, a rough night for me. He seems to have this terrible stomach/gas issue that keeps him up on a regular basis. He has gas and seems like he's trying to push out poops. I have tried every trick in the book... moving his legs, putting him on his stomach, burping, the Happy Tummi, Gripe water, Mylicon, you name it. But it still keeps him up at night. I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take and I feel like his "condition" is bad enough that it might even warrant a trip to the doctor. He's doing a lot of spitting up, and even some puking, so maybe he has reflux?!? I think they occasionally do prescribe something for reflux. I think he was awake and in discomfort from about 1am until 5am.

I dunno. All I know is that yesterday day, and last night, were not good and I feel like we all took a lot of steps back in the sleeping progression. Tuesday was a great day. But today I feel like a zombie. Thankfully Delaney is in school today. I don't know what I would have done if I had them both today on 3 hours of sleep. Next time he decides to actually nap I will definitely be joining him.

This newborn stuff REALLY isn't easy. I greatly admire those that choose to have more than 2 children, because this is really pushing me to the limit.

More pics of G-man and the family

Here are a few more updated shots of the family and Garrett.

Did I mention that we have a huge construction project right next door?!?!?










This one is classic... Delaney decided that everyone needed to take a nap.

Life in the trenches

Life has been a bit hectic over the last few weeks, full of highs and lows of every kind. I was worried in the first week because it appeared that we got a close version of the fussy/colic baby we had with Delaney, but now that I've been with him for 2.5 weeks, I can say with certainty he's nothing like his big sister and only has intermittent bouts of fussiness. Most of it seems gas and poop related so I'm not sure if it's just his body or the things I'm eating. Stay tuned as I'm sure you're all eager to figure it out with me. :)

Having my mom here for two weeks was amazingly helpful and I don't think we could have survived without her. She did baby holding duty during the mornings, afternoons and even a few nighttime stretches. She cooked meals, cleaned, did laundry and lended a helping hand wherever needed. I think she was nearly dead when she left on Tuesday and for that I feel horrible, but I think she liked feeling useful and helpful. I think she knows just how much I appreciated the help.

The nursing was a huge challenge the first week, and my GI issues continue to plague me, but things do seem to be getting a bit easier every day. I love our little man and spend lots of time staring at his beautiful face.

I'm a bit worried about next week as it's my first week where I'll have both kids 3 days a week. Since Garrett is still not sleeping during the night (he is awake for long stretches all through the night) I am concerned about having to live on 3-4 hours of sleep that he's letting me get. I think Kevin might have to start pitching in more at night. I have to admit that there is a huge twinge of jealousy every night as I see him retreat to our quiet, cozy bedroom and get 7-8 straight hours of sleep. I had been living on our couch for two weeks but last night moved into Delaney's future room. I haven't been sleeping in our room because I didn't feel like it made sense for Garrett to keep both of us up at night when he is awake.

I will post more pics soon, I just loaded them all up onto the computer and in fact have put a bunch on my Facebook page.

One thing I can say for CERTAIN. We are not having any more kiddos. 2 is plenty. I really don't want to go through the first two weeks of a newborn ever again. Phew.

We feel very blessed to live in Boulder with so many helpful friends and neighbors. We have had at least 8 families drop off meals and even a few people have offered (and have taken) Delaney away for playdates. This is probably the most helpful thing, I now realize. Delaney has not taken very well to the new addition to the family as she is acting out in all sorts of crazy ways in order to get our attention away from Garrett. I know it's a phase but it sure is trying on my nerves, especially when I have not been able to get a full nights rest.

Delaney also brought home a little cold last week and passed it on to every one of us, including Garrett. Poor little man is sniffling, sneezing, wheezing and choking on his snot. Those darn bulb syringes are only so effective, too.

I hope to write my labor/birth experience within the next week and post it here. For now I am back to the couch to my job as Milk Machine. :)