Dear Delaney, Month 33

January 26, 2009

Dearest Delaney. Bug. Bugaboo. Little D. Laney. Laneyloo. Laner. Bugalicious.

You are 3 months away from your 3rd birthday. I haven't sat down to write you a letter since before your little brother was born and I thought this was long overdue.

Your brother was born about four months ago, and I am not going to lie to you, the transition was very rough on you. It was actually pretty rough on all of us, but you and I seemed to take it the worst. I think there is a definite link between you and I not taking it well. You were not happy about the disruption to your world and I could not give you the love and attention you needed which then made it worse. Your father stepped in and pretty much took over everything for you, from the start of your day until the end of it. I was not sleeping very much and I spent much of Garrett's first month feeding or pacifying. All of my waking energies went to him and keeping him happy and fed. There was pretty much nothing left over for you and I apologize for that. I knew that deep down it would be good for you to have another member of the family to share time with, but you were not happy in those first few weeks. There were a lot of tantrums, time-outs and tears. You were always loving and gracious towards Garrett, but your anger and frustrations with us were very obvious. Your dad, one of the most patient people I have ever met, was occasionally pushed to the very limit by your behavior.

Thankfully we seem to be past that and you are much happier, I am getting more sleep, and able to devote more time and energy to you. I am not going to go as far as saying that I can match your energy, but at least there is a little bit there to give you. Which brings me to your energy. You are one of the most energetic kids I have ever known. You never stop. Your only relaxation comes when you are sleeping or watching Sesame Street. Otherwise you are going, going, going. Not just moving, but aggressively moving through life. Some of your favorite things are bouncing on beds, dancing, hopping, running, and playing chase. Your father and I had an in depth discussion the other night because I had called you a "spaz". He disagreed because he though spaz meant "mindless" in some way. But to me a spaz is someone who has tons of energy and has trouble figuring out where to focus it. That's you. But I love it and I'm pretty sure that most of my smiling moments come from watching you zoom around our house. There are actual dirt marks on all accessible walls in our house from you literally bouncing off of them. It has been made VERY clear to us that you are going to need to be active in your youth. Me thinks there will be a lot of soccer and swimming in your future.

It needs to be noted that you have become an extremely helpful and loving big sister. You genuinely seem to like your brother despite the fact that he can't do very much with you. Every time I ask you get me a spit-up rag you gleefully find one for me. And if he needs a hat you will run and go get it without me even asking. The same with a blanket. You love climbing up onto his crib and peeking in on him. There have been a few times where you have climbed all the way in there so you could lay with him and hold his hand. It's beyond sweet and cute and just absolutely warms my heart to see you nurture and care for him. If he's crying you run over and tell him it will be ok and gently rock him in his seat or swing. You're so small and yet so much love can come out of you. It makes me shed a tear of happiness just thinking about it.

One of the things that seems to make you the most happy is when your father and I are happy. You are continually asking us if we are happy. It's sad and endearing all at the same time. Sad mostly because if you have to ask me I'm probably not doing a good enough job of showing you how happy I am. Or gosh, maybe you are astute enough at 3 years old to know that maybe I'm not really happy. And it's endearing because it seems like you have developed quite a sense for trying to please.

We will be driving in the car somewhere and it will be completely silent and you will say "are you happy mommy?" and I will say "yes, Delaney, I'm happy". And then you'll say "really, REALLY happy?" as if you don't believe my response. If you do something that upsets either one of us you will immediately ask if we are happy because you can see that our demeanor has changed. If I tell you no then you immediately try and fix the thing that is making me not so happy. Not a day has gone by in the last two months where you haven't asked one of us if we are happy. It just dawned on me that I haven't really asked YOU if you're happy. I'll try to do more of that.

Your diction and vocabulary continue to astound us. Just yesterday you went to Cost Co with your dad and when you came back our exchange went something like this:
Me: Delaney how was your trip to CostCo?
D: Good! I got a hot dog and a smoothie for lunch.
Me: Really? Great! What did Daddy buy there?
D: For lunch he had something different, but similar.

The fact that you even know "different but similar" amazes me. And the other day you said, in response to one of Ellie's loud meows, "boy is she demanding!" I'm pretty sure demanding is not in most 3-year old vocabularies.

Your father went on a business trip last week and it was the first time it seemed like you understood the passing of time and meaning of him being gone. Every night when we would get home an overwhelming sadness would come over you because your Dad was not there. After inquiring about it and finding out he would not be home that night, you would sulk. We were on an errand the other day and out of the blue you turned to me and said "Mommy I miss Daddy because I love him so much". I hugged you and told you that I missed him too, but that sometimes he would go away for work and we would get to have quality girl time. And when we called him on the phone the other night, you asked me to give the phone back to you so you could say one more thing. "Daddy, please come home tomorrow because I miss you." I can only imagine the melting that occurred on the other side of that phone line.

I have been trying to figure out for about a year now if you are going to be a "mommys girl" or a "daddy's girl". Sometimes it seems like you prefer him and sometimes you prefer me. I know you absolutely love the energy that he gives you and quite honestly there is no way that I can match it. And I suppose I don't want to because it's your thing with him. You are always being swung, tickled, tackled, flipped, and spun around by your dad and you LOVE it. I am not sure if there is an equivalent thing that I provide that he doesn't, but my guess it would be nurturing, books, and a general "providing". I think I like that you seem to prefer us equally and thrive in your own way around each one of us. And the thing I like best is that you are actually the most content when we are ALL together.

You are still learning a lot at your school and this pleases us immensely. You have become quite the yogi, practicing yoga twice a week with the older kids. And the teachers are helping you with numbers and the calendar. You can count to 20 pretty easily but often get hung up around 14. You can recognize about 10 letters with ease and are close to zeroing in on the other 16. You recognize most animals and your song repertoire grows every day, in part thanks to Amy and the music program at the Acorn.

Food seems to be a bit of an issue with you as you seem to prefer carbs over all other kinds of foods. There are plenty of meals where I am concerned to see that you have only had 3-4 bites of food and are content to call it quits. Everything I read tells me to just keep feeding you the food and you will come around. We try not to force things on you too much, but you have such a tiny niblet body that it worries me. So far I have not caved and started feeding you fried food or pasta every night.

The last thing I need to mention doesn't really involve you directly but it's very important. Last week our country swore in a new president. He is not just any president, though, and I want you to know a bit of history that occurred late in your second year. Barack Obama is our first African American president and I find him to be the most inspiring public figure that I have ever known. He is taking office at a generally tough time in America, to say the least. The economy is weak, almost crippled, we have been fighting a war for over five years, and in general people are discouraged. Homes are foreclosing, jobs are being lost and every day the death toll of our US soldiers grow. The news is very frequently depressing. But then came this man from Illinois who had the moxie and fortitude to try and change things. My sincere hope is that he can. They said that the moment when Barack Obama was inaugurated would be one of those "where were you when" moments. Like the Kennedy assassination or the Space Shuttle disaster. Since you will likely be too young to remember, I'd like to tell you that you were at your classmate Lucy's house which is just down the street from the Acorn school. You all walked there holding hands so you could watch it together. Your teachers said you were all very quiet and listened very intently. I was in class myself, doing my part to fulfill President Obama's wish that we all do our part to make this country a better place. I am going back to school so that I can help children learn and also to give me a schedule that allows me to be home when you are home. Both of those are things that will help this country and I'm proud to be doing my part.

My wish for you is that we build this country to be even better than before and you can fulfill your wishes and dreams here. I want only the best for you because you deserve. It seems like you will demand the best out of everything in life.

I love you Delaney bug. And when I am with you I am really, really happy.