Looking for roommates?!?

I have two potential roommates to offer up, in case you are looking for some company.

Roommate #1 -- 2.5 years old, sometimes cantankerous and defiant, likes to push buttons, get things out and refuses to put anything away, eats only a few different things and changes her mind frequently about what those few things are, spills lots of milk and food on the table and floor, resists going to sleep at all costs, carries lots and lots of germs (like hand/foot/mouth, pink eye, head lice, runny noses, etc), addicted to Sesame Street, will only wear what she wants when she wants and that changes on an hourly basis, often wears 2-4 outfits in a day and gets them all dirty, still wearing diapers, refuses to take off pajamas in the morning, puts her thumb in her mouth when you'd like to talk with her, trips and falls regularly resulting in many cries and needs for instant comfort through boo-boo duck/elephant/fishy, insists on wearing band-aids even when she doesn't need them, wants to take baths on days where she doesn't need one and refuses to take baths on days where she really needs them, wants to go to the park all the time and once we get there she wants to go home, hopelessly in love with her classmate Jasper, and OCCASIONALLY will give out a hug and say she loves you.

Roommate #2 -- Pretty much all roommate #2 can offer is sleeping, crying and eating. Lots and lots of dirty diapers, spit up, occasional puking from overeating, changes outfits about 3-4 times a day, requires you to do laundry at least every other day, and here is the BEST part. Most nights is awake and fussing for 2-5 hours. Usually this happens between 2am and 7am. Occasionally there will be a good night and good day, but that is really just a mind game to give you hope that things are changing, when in reality most of life and future days will be spent without sleep and crying. This one needs a home quick due to the fact that his current caretaker and roommate is losing her mind and wants to run away from her house and life as a result of no sleep.