Dear Delaney

May 5, 2007

Dear Delaney,

This past weekend you turned two years old. It feels like yesterday that your dad and I were walking tirelessly around North Boulder Park egging you on to speed up labor and make your presence known to us and the world. Then again when I see a tiny baby and look at you next to that baby, I realize that a huge chapter of our lives has passed. A lot of people have asked me if I’m sad about closing the Delaney baby stage and moving on to childhood, and while I don’t think I’m sad about it, I get very emotional just thinking about you and having you in my life. In fact I have postponed writing this letter because I knew that even the process of it would be deeply emotional. I have concluded I am not sad about you turning two because I am so proud of the little girl you are becoming. It would be hard to confuse or mix sadness with that pride.

Part of the reason I would like to write this letter, and hopefully others to come, is that I want you to understand a little more about what you were like as a child. And what it was like to be your parent. When I ask the older generation about raising their kids their memories are often hazy, or what I hear in response to questions are confident replies about how they just “handled it”. My parents and others of their generation make it sound easy. I don’t think it’s easy. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. It’s a constant learning process where you are questioning and evaluating the things you say, the decisions you make, the lines you draw and the paths you provide. Maybe some of my insights will help you when you have children of your own. I also want you to understand that being your parent is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

You have grown so much in the last year. You went from being a very good eater to a moderately picky one. Quesadillas, grilled cheese, tortellini and fruit top your list of favorite foods. You also have a soft spot for smoothies, and I have shamelessly encouraged this by purchasing you one every time we go to the grocery store. I am pretty sure you think the grocery store is a place where smoothies flow like a river.

All of your teeth have come in, which is a great relief to everyone in the house. You took each tooth arrival like a punch in the face and let us know about it regularly. I am glad that you appear to have picked up my immune system and have rarely been sick in the last year (aside from a constant runny nose).

You are a great sleeper, although a very light sleeper, which is difficult in our tiny house where your bedroom is so close to our living space. We are amazed that you have not once attempted to get out of your crib despite the fact that we know you can. I suspect you like its comfort and feel at peace in its confines. Whenever we travel and you are forced to sleep near us, we brace ourselves for the inevitable cries that come in the middle of the night because you think it should be party time. Since your last birthday you have traveled to Seattle (to attend our friend Katie’s wedding), Washington DC, and San Diego. I would be lying if I said you were easy to travel with on those trips. Despite my best attempts at full magic bags full of distractions, you are still a high energy demanding child when it comes to moving from place-to-place and being forced to sit still. Long car rides have improved, but you are still uneasy at being forced to sit there without moving.

You show a moderate interest in television, which is a great attribute most of the time except for when your dad is out of town and I really need a few minutes to catch up on housework or cooking. You like Elmo and his “world” as well as Sesame Street. I had hoped the Elmo’s Potty Time video would cause enough interest that you would start to like the potty, but alas that has not happened yet. I am not rushing you into potty training, although when we start spending more time together this summer I will press the issue a bit more.

When you turned one you were being watched by a nanny full time during the week. When Ellen decided to hang up her nanny career last October we moved you to a new daycare/preschool and braced ourselves for the tired and cranky girl we had known when you were at your old school. We were pleasantly surprised to find that you were not cranky at the end of your days and instead were quite cheery and alert when we picked you up. Jasper, Matt, Abilene, Anaiah, Eben, George, Anders and Izze are all names we hear about quite frequently. Your dad and I are constantly amazed by what you learn at school and how suddenly you will spring a new word or song on us at home. It is obvious when I pick you up that you are happy there and you enjoy being around your classmates and your teachers (Stacey and Melinda). Even though I am thrilled that you like your school, I have longed to spend more time with you and less at work, to be a closer witness to your amazing life.

Transitions have been a bit challenging for you over the last few months. It is not uncommon to see you upset when you are forced to get into your clothes at the start of the day and subsequently to see you upset when you are forced to get out of them at the end of the day. At about 20 months you started to care passionately about what item of clothing was being selected for you. It usually sounds something like “noooooooooooooooo, not the heart shirt, no heart shirt mommy, I don’t want the heart shirt mommy”. Coming in from outside, getting into the car, getting out of the bath and leaving the park are all examples of things that require serious cajoling on our part. Despite how difficult it is to move you from these activities, I appreciate the hedonistic side of you that doesn’t want to stop what is bringing you joy.

While you are not a snuggler by nature, you do have a very soft affectionate side that likes to dole out kisses and hugs. Some of your best qualities are sharing, constant verbal communication and a wild sense of adventure. I love to watch you laugh, smile and bop through the world. It pleases me enormously when you say please and thank you, and you are getting better at that every day.

The aspects of your personality that make it challenging to be your parent, namely stubbornness, restlessness and having a firm belief of what you want and need, are all things that will suit you well as you grow older. I know that I am in for some heated battles of wills over the years and I think your dad and I are up to the challenge. We have recognized that you are the type that needs boundaries and clear expectations. We will do our best to make those reasonable and obvious.

After a long arduous process of internal debates about my career and life, I have decided to leave my job this July. I am looking forward to spending more time with you and your baby brother/sister who is due in September. I have been looking forward to this day since I returned to work three months after you were born. My hope for you as you grow older is that there are more corporate positions available for women who truly want a part time schedule. I think we have a long way to go as a country in providing these types of jobs for smart women like us.

I hope to continue to provide a loving and stable environment for you in the coming year. I am looking forward to many hugs, kisses, smiles, new words, and of course, tears. I am looking forward to being your teacher and student. We have a lot to learn together and that excites me. Delaney, Laney, Bug, Bugaboo, Delaneybug and Little D. Here we come, age two.

Love,
Mom