To spank or not to spank

What a provocative post title, I wonder if I will get listed in Google for people searching about naughty spanking thoughts.

We are currently in the throws of Delaney and her wild and often cantankerous behavior. I have posted here often about how she is constantly testing the limits and pushing a lot of buttons. I feel like we've been at a high crescendo of this kind of behavior for some time now... like... about a year. She goes in waves and some days are mostly good and some days are mostly bad. Some months are better than others. Some hours are better than others. She has perfected the ability to be ridiculously cute one minute only to turn into the whiniest, most annoying toddler the very next minute.

Yesterday she was on point with this behavior in the afternoon when I needed her to get ready to go to the store to pick up a few items. We were going to walk to the local market and it was the only thing I really needed to get done yesterday. We had a good focused morning of play and making cookies and I just needed her to cooperate for about 20 minutes. She refused to wear a sweatshirt (it was 35 degrees outside) and when I forced her to pick one (out of two choices) and I put it on her she defiantly took it off and stomped around the house. "I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear that sweatshirt, I want to wear the PIIIIIIIINK one". Ok, Delaney, this is your last chance, I'll put the pink one on and then we're going to leave. Then I put the pink one on her even though I asked her to put it on herself about 4 times. One she got it on the melee continued. "Nooooooooooooooooooo I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to wear the pink one, I want to wear the purple one" and she defiantly takes the sweatshirt off. Then we went through the same thing with her boots. I would put them on and she would take them off. Now, I could see how you might just say "let her freeze and go without the clothes". But a big part of me feels like she really needs to learn that some things ARE NOT a choice. I felt like wearing some kind of sweatshirt was mandatory. We went back and forth trying to get her dressed for about 25 minutes. Meanwhile I'm trying to get dressed, Garrett is fussing in his bucket seat and daylight hours were ticking away. It was maddening to the point where I could see how you get to a place where using some sort of physical communication might be deemed as effective. Words clearly do not always get through or have any kind of effect.

So Kevin and I got in a discussion about spanking as a form of discipline. I know plenty of families who have chosen to spank their kids and both Kevin and I were spanked as children. I was only spanked a handful of times for doing absolutely terrible things that I clearly knew were against the rules. Like writing on the walls, defiling my dad's Alfa Romeo leather seats, lying about something when my parents knew the truth, etc. Kevin was spanked a bit more and his temperament as a kid is often described as similar to Delaney's. I don't really feel strongly about the spanking issue one way or the other and as far as I'm concerned each family can do what they feel effective.

However I am more inclined to go without it and to see if we can continue to use words and lessons to teach our child. I generally feel like once you use spanking then kids will do anything up to the moment they know they are going to get spanked. And what about when your child is at school or other places where they know spanking is not an option? I think oftentimes the spanking escalates and it seems like you do more spanking over time to continue to get your point across. And I guess my biggest concern is that I don't want Delaney to learn that hitting or violence is an acceptable way to communicate.

Now these feelings might all change if Delaney's behavior gets worse or we run out of tools and options. But for now we are going to stick with time outs and words and hopefully we can continue to mold her in that way. And I will be giving myself time outs and taking moments to calm down so that she seems calm behavior and knows it's possible to be calm and deal with conflict. Easier said than done some days...